My world is as complicated as I am and these men are making it more complicated. Seriously, I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know what’s happening and why are these people coming back to me when I’m supposed to be burying my memories of them six feet underground already. At first I thought meeting G-dragon is just a coincidence, but now that my father and Hyun suddenly appeared out of nowhere, I feel like I’m really destined to have a complicated life. A life ran by my past even though I keep on forgetting about it. I’m trying to move on, but how can I move on with these people around me? How can I move on when the only man that I love is one of those people?

Speaking of G-dragon. That man has lay low in chasing me and I’m split in half because there’s a part of me that is thankful for it, while the other part of me is sad and afraid coz this might be a sign of him giving up on me. Call me stupid, hypocrite, pathetic or an idiot for pushing him away when I love him so much, but things are not going to work out between us right now, especially when I’m more ed up than before. All I can do now is pray for G-dragon’s love for me to not fade away and that one day, we’ll be together again.

“How is he?”

It’s been a month now and Drake hasn’t woken up yet. I don’t know what to expect anymore because I’m losing hope already. According to the doctors, my brother is fighting and his vital signs are getting better and better as each day pass, but amidst all those, they can’t assure me that he will still wake up. A machine is the one making him live right now and once we removed it from him, he will die already. He doesn’t deserve this and up until now, I’m still blaming myself for what happened, coz if I just told G-dragon to keep our relationship a secret from the public, things like these wouldn’t happen. If that’s what we did, my brother will still play non-stop and move like any other ten year olds out there, and my relationship will still be on as well.

I know that there’s no space for regrets coz things already happened. I just can’t help but to think about the things that might happen if we did this and that.

“Right now…his heart rate is going down….don’t worry….it’s not yet in an alarming level….I’m gonna be honest with you….” Drake’s doctor is always honest to the point that it is making us lose hope more.

“…..we might be counting days….or a month before his whole body deteriorates” I gasped in shock upon hearing this.

“The result of his check-up yesterday isn’t good….the clot in his brain is worse than last week….what we’re praying not to happen is for it to stop functioning….Billie” he touched my shoulder then looked at me with pity in his eyes “I know that it’s hard to take this….but….your brother’s chances of living is slim already….we’ve done everything that we can to save him….but….we can’t do enough….for….we’re fighting a very strong enemy”

I don’t know what to think anymore. I’m staring at Drake now and is shaking him lightly by the arm. I don’t know why I’m doing this, but I’m hoping that this will wake him up.

“Wake up….wake up” I keep on saying while shaking him “Please Monster…wake up” I’m all alone with him. Mummy is at home, while MG is working. A friend of hers offered a job and she willingly took it to be able to help with our expenses.

“Wake up!” I yelled in desperation but didn’t get any response at all.

After that, all I did is cry. My eyes as well as my whole being are tired from crying already but I can’t do anything, this is my only way to release the heaviness in my heart.

“Bubu!” I ran towards her right away the moment I walked in the studio.

She welcomed me in her arms in confusion “What’s going on?” she asked while rubbing my back gently for comfort.

I didn’t answer, all I did is cry. I’m really thankful for she is here, at least I have somebody to cry on.

“Come” she led me to our office.

“Sit here” she helped me to the long couch and settled me there.

“What happened?”

I just stared at her with my tears blurring my vision. I don’t know why I can’t bring myself to tell them about Drake. Awhile ago, Mummy asked me how he is and I lied by telling her that he’s doing fine. I know that I should be telling the truth to my mother because she has the right to know about her son’s critical situation, but I just can’t hurt her more. The truth will really make her go wild and ballistic coz just the fact that there’s a huge chance that her son will die is enough to kill a parent’s heart in every way possible.

“Bubu….Drake is close to dying already” the moment I said this, I broke down. I guess this is just too hard to accept.

Bunny gasped “What? Why….how….oh gosh!”

Like me, Bunny is shocked as well. She treats Drake like her own brother and believe it or not, the two of us are the ones who always walk that kid from school and fetch him after. There are even times wherein Bunny is the only one walking him to school because I’m too lazy to get up in the morning.

All we did is cry. I didn’t even have to tell her everything in detail because she doesn’t want to hear it anymore.

“Bill….ie” a staff walked in our office and was surprised to see us crying.

We looked at her then wiped our tears right away “What is it?” I asked then sniffed.

“uhmmm…..you have a visitor” she answered.

I stood up from the couch, dig in my bag for a mirror and re-touched my make-up.

A visitor? Who can it be? As far as I can remember, I’m not expecting any clients because Jang Hyun Sajangnim is here and he’ll be the one doing all the shoots for today.

“Am I expecting anyone today?” I asked Bunny who is still crying.

She shrugged then wailed “Oh gosh” I went to her then hugged her.

“Stop crying now” I comforted her, but she’s unstoppable.

She pulled me for a hug “Drake is still so young to die”

“O….K….Bubu…” I pulled out from the hug then sighed heavily “Yes…he is…but….let’s still stay positive….what do we know…he’ll wake up one of these days….don’t think about it too much…alright?”

I know that there’s no room for positivity anymore in this situation that we’re in, but I’m still holding on to that thin thread of hope that my brother will survive this phase in his life. He’s a fighter like the rest of the family, Mummy’s blood is running through his veins, and that is a survivor’s blood.

Thankfully, Bunny and I were able to gather ourselves up. We took a deep breath, hugged each other for I don’t know how many times already, then went out of our office looking like we’re not going through a tough time. The smiles on our faces are forced, but we’re good at this. We are professionals.

“ him” Bunny said upon walking out of the office.

I checked on who my visitor is and almost hid inside the office again.

“What is that jerk doing here….AGAIN?” I’m not moving an inch. Actually, I don’t have any plans on moving at all.

“I don’t in know” Bunny answered then walked to welcome our “visitor”.

It’s Hyun. I don’t kno