When you know that you’re almost dying, you tend to see life in a different angle. Right now, I’m starting to see the darker side of things. Well, no one has told me about my real condition yet, but I can feel that I’ve worsened and I will not even get shocked if one day they’ll break the news that my days or years in this world are already counted.

I don’t know, but the moment I woke up and saw G-dragon’s face awhile ago, I suddenly felt like I’m not yet ready to bid farewell to this freakin planet. If before I’m all cool with me dying, now it’s the other way around. I’m afraid to die, I don’t even want to close my eyes anymore because I’m afraid that if I sleep, I won’t be seeing the sun shining anymore. But as they say, whatever happens, happen. If I’m really destined to be dead even before my life becomes colorful again, then I don’t have any choice but to take it.

Seriously, all these treatments are being a certified pain in the already. I’m telling you, needle shots and booster shots are nothing to me before, but what I didn’t know is that once you get them almost every hour, you’ll just find yourself getting so sick of it.

“When will this stop?” I asked my nurse while waiting for another shot to be given.

She smiled at me with pity in her eyes “You still got two more shots Ma’am” she answered.

Two more freakin shots. As I’ve said, I’m sick of it and if only I can just ask them to give me even a few hours break from this, I will but it’s not possible for this is part of the procedure and little Miss Leukemia 2012 has to endure it instead of complaining.

“We’ll sedate you Billie for you not to feel the effects of the treatment” my doctor said.

I can’t hear him clearly anymore for the drugs are running through my system already. My vision is blurry as well.

“Will I still be able to wake up?” I asked with so much fear in my voice.

He chuckled “Of course! This will just let you sleep for a few hours” he answered and next thing I know it, I’m blacking out already.

Sleeping is actually the most favorite thing that people do but for me, it’s giving me the freaks because it’s scaring me more than anything. I’m beginning to be so negative about my condition and it’s not good at all.

“Mummy” I called the moment I opened my eyes.

My head is spinning, everything around me is a blur and my throat is so dry that I can drink gallons of water in one gulp.

“Water” I said and pulled myself up to sit.

“Gosh! Don’t try to sit yet….you’re still weak” Bunny said but I just ignored her.

Mummy handed me a glass of water and helped me drink from it “Slowly Bill” she said in her sweetest motherly tone.

After that, I felt much better. I’m refreshed and can feel my body again. I must admit, I’m not yet feeling well and my arms are really giving me a hard time because it’s so painful.

“I can’t move my arms that well…it !” I complained, making them chuckle.

Mummy held my hand then rubbed it gently “They got beaten by needle shots….but Bill….it’s all good…at least you were able to take the first intensive treatment successfully” she said, making me roll my eyes at her.

“I actually thought that I’m going to die already” I said, shocking her and Bunny.

“OH PLEASE KENKEN! Don’t talk about death or anything close to that coz I swear….it’s driving me nuts!” Bunny said, her face is telling me that she’s freaked by what she just heard.

I smirked “C’mon! Be open with it! Sooner or later we’ll deal with it and you both know that so damn well”

This is totally crazy of me because I’m openly talking about death when I’m so afraid of it now.

Minutes after that, G-dragon and Dad walked in my room, both of them are looking great but their puffy eyes are enough to tell me that they cried together because of me.

I know why are they being like this, but there’s no need for them to be so emotional because it’s just going to drag me in as well and it’s not going to help at all. All I want now is for them to be at peace again and how I wish Mummy will open her heart to G-dragon and give him another chance.

“Jiyong is committing suicide” Bunny said after G-dragon followed Mummy out of the room.

MG sighed heavily “Not only suicide” she said “Jiyong Oppa is slowly ripping off all his skin…I swear…this move is the boldest ever….Ugly cannot even talk to Mummy when she’s so angry at her what more Oppa?”

This made me laugh. I smacked MG on the head “Monster….you’re exaggerating once again….Mummy is emotional…she’s angry at him but trust me…Jiyong can make her bend….all he has to do is make her feel that he’s sincere” I told her, making MG, Bunny and Dad to look at each other, then at me.

“How can you be sure of that Billie?” Dad asked.

I smiled at him “I know that up until now you guys are still a bit off with Jiyong…but trust me….he has regretted what he did and has learned his lesson as well….after all…he just did that because he’s too stressed ….one more thing….hate should be erased from our vocabularies from now on coz…I really don’t want to die with so much of it in my heart”

Here I go again. I’m talking about death and it’s freaking the out of them again.

“Billie….you’re talking about death like it’s just a petty thing….you’re unbelievable” Dad said while shaking his head.

I chuckled “I’m gonna be honest with you” I said then sighed “I don’t want to die yet….and it’s all because of Jiyong….I suddenly felt like there are still a lot of things that I want to do with him…..and of course…I don’t want to leave you guys as well….but then again….we have to accept reality…that my condition can go from mild to worse and right now….even th