In love, you will feel extreme happiness and extreme pain. Right now, all I can feel is pain to the point that no matter how hard the people around me tries to at least ease my pain even for a bit, I’m impossible, totally hopeless.

It’s been three weeks since the break-up and up until now I still have hope that she’ll go back. I don’t know, but I still firmly believe that Billie just needs time to breathe. She got totally shocked with how cruel my world can be, that even though she’s willing to embrace it, all the things that happened triggered her to just give up. I must admit, what happened to Drake is the worst thing that I can ever think of happening to someone I love. I’m actually blaming myself for putting the little boy’s life in danger. Well truth is, he’s still in danger for he hasn’t wake up yet.

If you’re going to ask me if I still have plans on Billie, of course I still do even if I’ve already done almost everything in the book. I chase her everywhere, I go to their house almost four times a week and I send her flowers and foods every single day. I don’t know what to do anymore but I’m going to continue with these things until she goes back to me.

“Jiyong” “JIYONG!”

I jerked up in shock “Huh?”

Teddy hyung and Lydia are helping me with Big Bang’s upcoming album and we’re just a few steps away from getting it all done.

“Aigoo…yaaaa….you’re thinking of her again…seriously Jiyong….this isn’t healthy anymore” Teddy hyung said.

I sighed heavily “But I can’t get her out of my mind….all I can think of is her…from the moment I wake up till I close my eyes….it’s all Billie…Billie….Billie….she’s all I want but I cannot have her….which because no matter how hard I try to make things better and somewhat correct whatever it is that has to be corrected….I can’t! I don’t know what to do anymore! I’m tired of chasing her but I cannot stop…I DON’T WANT TO STOP…coz if I do that…the chances of us being together again will definitely be slimmer than it is now”

I’ve broke down for I don’t know how many times already. I swear. I’ve never been like this to the other women that I’ve been with before.

“Look” Lydia placed her arm around my shoulders “Billie needs space….I’m gonna be honest here” she looked at me then sighed “You’re not giving her the space that she asked you to give her”

“What? Isn’t three weeks enough?” I asked and they both shook their heads slowly.

“I don’t understand” I said then plopped like a jelly on my chair.

“Jiyong….you’re always showing up in their studio….you go to her house and visits her brother….that isn’t giving space….the space that she wants is you not being there….in short she wants to have time for herself” Lydia said in her not-so-good Korean.

“She’s asking you for space to think things through and if you’re going to stoop around and show up everywhere she goes….she’ll just get annoyed with you and I’m telling you….you don’t want that to happen coz it’ll worsen things more” Teddy hyung added.

“But if I don’t do that….she will just go far away from me….the distance between us will go far and I don’t want that to happen because it’ll be much harder to get her back” I defended.

From the way the two looks, I know that they’re growing impatient with me already. You can call me stubborn, pushy or hard-headed, but I will not give Billie up, especially when I love her more than anything in this world.

“Sit down” Hyan Suk hyung instructed.

After working for hours, the hyungs, namely, Hyan  Suk, Teddy, Jinu, Se7en, TOP and Kush, together with Youngbae, called me for a “men bond time”. Actually, I know that this isn’t like our usual bond time coz they will talk to me about Billie and will try for the millionth time to get my mind straight.

“How are you now?” Jinu hyung who is always the first to talk, asked.

I shrugged “I don’t know…but…I think I’m fine” I answered.

He smirked “Good answer”

The hyungs chuckled “Jiyong….what is happening to you? You aren’t like this before” Se7en hyung followed.

I shrugged once again “I don’t know”

Hyan Suk hyung’s heavy stare is going through my bones, making me really uncomfortable.

“Yaaaa….I’m telling you…if you continue being like this…I will hold Big Bang’s album till you’re ready to give out performances already”

This is a threat. It’s so obvious. He knows how much I’m dying to have this album out. It’s been a year since the group released a full album here in Korea and our fans are asking for it already.

“No! Hyung…please…I can perform even with this problem eating me up….I promise you….everything’s gonna be fine” I told him.

Of course, I don’t want to drag my members just because of my girl problem. All of us have worked so hard just to get everything done on time and I will not be the reason why it’s going down the drain.

“Then prove to me that you can give full performances and will be in good condition after the album finishes…coz I’m gonna be honest Jiyong….I don’t think you can pull it off….you’re too trashed to even do things for the album….Teddy….Lydia and Choice are reporting everything to me….yes…you do whatever it is that is needed to be done but your heart and mind isn’t in it…you’re always zoning out….the songs feel flat because there are no emotions or sometimes there are too much emotions…this is not the comeback album that you want to give to the people….I know that you’re going through a hard time right now….that’s why I’m telling you to hold the album first…it’s better that way than to have it out with you….the group’s leader….not in good element at all” Hyan Suk hyung said in a very serious tone.

This is the first time that Hyan Suk hyung ever asked me to put an album on hold. I’ve been through a lot these past few years. I was accused of plagiarism, drugs, so on and so forth, but it didn’t stop me from giving my all. And then Billie came, changing everything. I’m now trashed and broken as I can be.

“Why can’t you just accept that it’s not yet time for you and Bi