Staring at her and seeing pain even in her sleep is absolutely saddening. I still cannot believe that the healthy girl with a doll face and milky white skin has now turned weak with dark bruises all over her body.

What happened awhile ago is truly a shocker to us and I’m so sure that it’s going to be the same with our family and friends. I don’t know what hit me, but I suddenly asked her hand for marriage which she accepted right away. Truth is, I’m planning to ask her about it but not this soon. Thing is, I might be running out of time already. So I decided to fasten things up before it runs out.

My heart is still beating so damn fast hours after she accepted me to be her husband. None from the two of us are sure of what will happen next, but we are ready to face whatever challenge there may be. I know that our families will surely agree with this decision, but what I’m a little nervous about is my other family, the YG family.

Actually, I’ve opened marriage up to the Hyungs before and they always tell me to wait for the right time and to slow things first. Hyun Suk hyung is good with me dating, but I can really say that he’s not that cool about me getting married. Of course, he’s got a lot of things in store for my career and I know so well that everything will change once I say “I do”. But right now, all I can think of is Billie and her happiness. I’m pretty sure that everybody will understand our sudden decision and I know that they will support us as well.

“Oh!” I saw a receipt and tissue papers with a lot of writing on the table next to her bed.

Billie has written a song again? Aigoo. This woman is hooked and I just cannot believe it because she has improved a lot since the first time that she tried writing. The song on her break-up letter made my heart melt in a snap and this new one is crushing my heart into bits.

"Big White Room"
 

Sitting in a big white room alone
Tilt my head back, feel the tears fall down
Close my eyes to see in the dark
I feel young, broken, so so scared

I don't wanna be here anymore
I wanna be somewhere else
Normal and free, like I used to be
But I have to stay in this big white room
With little old me

I'm going crazy
I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy
In this big white room of mine
I'm going crazy
I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy
In this big white room of mine

Sitting in a big white room alone
Close the door
Don't want the pain to come in

I clench my fist
And try to stay strong
I cry, feel sick
My heart is beating, b-b-beating, beating out of control
Can I run, run faster than you
I wanna feel my body again
Feel the wind in my hair, yeah

But I have to stay in this big white room
'Cause no one else cares

I'm going crazy
I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy
In this big white room of mine
I'm going crazy
I'm losing my mind
I'm going crazy
In this big white room of mine

Everybody's looking at me
Everybody's staring at me
What do I do now
Smile, yeah, yeah
Everybody's looking at me
Everybody's staring at me
What do I do now
Smile, yeah, yeah

*Performed by: Jessie J.

Lyrics: Cornish

Album: Who you Are (2011)

I can feel her pain and desperation to get out of here. I must admit, I really don’t want to lock her here after she broke down last night. This room is killing the life out of her and it’s not what it should be.

Without sleep and with my eyes so puffy from crying, I asked for an appointment to her doctor and I’m really lucky this morning because he agreed to meet with me even before he entertains patients.

“What can I do for you Mr. Kwon?” he asked with a smile on his face.

I sighed then smiled back “I just want to ask when Billie can go out of here”

He sighed “Actually….I’m about to suggest for her to stay here till the end of her fifth treatment….you see….Billie is not that critical but she is sensitive…I along with some of my colleagues are afraid that she might get worst if we’re going to let her go home….I know that being here is totally off for the patient but there’s no way that we can permit her to go out coz this is for the betterment of her own welfare”

This is really crazy. Billie had just finished her first treatment yesterday and it’ll take another week for her to have it again. If she has to stay here for four more procedures, it just means that she’s going to be stuck in her room for almost a month and I don’t think she can last it.

My soul is now out of my body, I haven’t slept at all yet and I’m still needed at the YG building for a recording. Manager hyung will be here an hour from now and I don’t even know if I can leave Billie.

“Jiyong….you look so tired” Uncle Benny said upon seeing me.

I just gave him a smile, making him chuckle.

“She kept you up all night…am I right?” Mummy asked and I gave her a nod.

She giggled “Billie is still Billie….she is the worst patient ever”

It made us laugh. Actually, I kinda agree with her. My woman is not that obedient to her doctors and hates it whenever nurses come to check on her. One more thing, she doesn’t want to eat hospital food. I even went out to buy some dumplings for her last night.

“You can go now Jiyong….go home and get some sleep” Mummy said then smiled sweetly at me.

My mind is off to somewhere and I think you know where it is. I’m having a debate with myself because I’m itching to tell them about our sudden engagement last night because I know that if there are people who needs to know about it first, it’s them for they are the bride’s parents and they’ll be the one giving away their daughter which I know is going to be really hard for them.

“Are you alright?” Mummy snapped me back to my senses.

I jerked up then smiled in confusion “uhmmm….”

This is the right time to ask them for their blessings. I know that this is like committing suicide, but I don’t care anymore, all I want is for them to know what we’re about to do because I just can’t marry her without their knowledge.

“Is something bothering you?” Uncle Benny asked.

At this point, I’m starting to sweat even if the room is cold. My nerves are all shooting up and my breathing is uneven.

I took a deep breath to calm myself down then prayed that they will agree to this at the end.

“I have something to tell you….Uncle….” I looked at him “And Mummy” then at her.

They gave me strange looks then sat on the long couch opposite mine. My heart is banging my chest and the words that I’ve gathered and the speech that I’ve prepared suddenly became a blur.

“What is it Jiyong?” Mummy asked and I stared at her for a while.

“You are scaring us….just talk already” Uncle Benny said and that’s when I gathered all the strength and guts in my body.

I took a deep breath then cleared my throat “I….uhmm….I….I” what the heck! I’m stuttering!

“You what?” Mummy asked impatiently.

“Billie and I….we’re…..already….” I looked at them intently “Engaged” I finally spit it out, making the two to look at me in disbelief.

Mummy gasped in shock while cupping with her hand and Uncle Benny just stared at me. I told you, this is scarier than any horror movies or a strict professor.

“What was that again?” Mummy asked.

“I asked Billie’s hand for marriage last night” I answered and her face clearly tells me that she’s more than shocked.

“And she agreed with you?” Uncle Benny asked and I nod my head right away.

“Isn’t this too sudden?” Mummy asked with tears pooling in her eyes.

I sighed “Yes…this is all too sudden…but why would I wait for long if I know that I’m competing with time? None of us know if she can still be here after five years or even shorter than that….I love her….and there’s nothing more that I want to do than make her feel that love” I told them.

“But Jiyong…this is going to be a drag for you….marrying her is not like marrying an ordinary girl….Billie is sick….she needs care more than anybody right now…can you give that to her? Do you think you can keep up with her illness? Are you ev