[G-dragon and Billie London, spent the night together]

Yesterday, their names rang the bell once again when Billie London, went to G-dragon’s house late at night and didn’t leave till the morning. According to the fans who witnessed this visit, the two naturally held hands while walking to the house and the superstar’s photographer girlfriend even smiled and bowed at them. And because of curiosity, the fans decided to stay till the next day outside the leader’s house just to see what’s going to happen next.

“She changed her clothes. All of us have a feeling that it was Jiyong’s since we saw him wearing that shirt already” a fan wrote on her blog.

“He comfortably walked her to her car and even kissed her on the forehead before she goes in” another fan tweeted.

From the looks of it, it seems like the couple doesn’t mind the people around them unlike most celebrities are. They are showing affection in public which is not normal for popular people, making these two unique and brave.

It is clear that something is going on between them. Thing is, none from both parties are willing to confirm and clear what’s really going on. YGE is still silent about this matter as well.

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I’m worried. Deeply worried that I can’t even focus on work at all. I’m holding a pen and is staring at a blank paper for quite a few minutes already and yet, I can’t think of anything good to write. I don’t know what’s going on with me. I’m inspired and have all the reasons to write, but I can’t even write a single line or a stanza.

Billie is here in my house and I convinced her to stay for the night. My lovely girl missed me so much and decided to pay me a visit but what she didn’t know is that there are fans waiting outside my house. But even with them around, I decided to see her because she went all the way here just to see me and we really need to talk, which we did awhile ago but go really serious about it because it’s just reminding her of the crazy things that happened at the airport.

“Jiyong” she called sofltly.

I turned to look at her. She hit the sack earlier than me coz she’s exhausted and totally tired of thinking already, and sleeping is her only way to run away from her mind even just for a few hours.

“Oh” I put my pen down then went to her “Why aren’t you sleeping yet?”

I joined her in bed and the moment I settled, she rested her head on my lap then clutched on a pillow.

She looks like a little kid who is in need of comfort from her mother.

“What’s up?” I asked while running my fingers through her hair.

She shook her head then sighed “Nothing” she answered.

I don’t know, but I have a strong feeling that Billie is going to take this whole thing by heart and like the other girls that I’ve dated, time will come that she will stop loving me because she can’t take my chaotic world anymore. I’m praying to all the Gods in heaven for this not to happen because I will surely go crazy if we ever break up.

“Kenken” I turned her to look at me “I know that a lot of things are bugging you” I said then caressed her cheek.

Her eyes are telling me a lot of things and I cannot even point each one out. The bubbliness in her suddenly vanished and it’s heartbreaking because I don’t want her to be like this. I want her to be the Billie that I got crazy for months ago.

“Jiyong” she sat up then looked straight into my eyes “What if this relationship don’t work? What will you do if YG Sajangnim asks you to stop seeing me? I know that he’s super nice and totally considerate….but it can happen….coz…..seriously….I’m pulling your career down….you may deny it but I know that I am going to be the reason of your fall”

And she finally speaks out. I’ve been waiting for this and now that she has spitted it out, I suddenly feel frozen. I can’t answer her questions because I myself is asking the same thing to myself.

“Aigoo” she’s starting to cry and her tears are making me really weak.

I wiped her tears with the sleeve of my sweater then pulled her for a hug. This is the least that I can do for now since I can’t answer the questions in her mind yet.

Truth is, Hyan Suk hyung is not good with our set-up at all. We already had a talk about this and he pointed out everything in detail. First off is my career. Of course, this whole dating scandal is going to affect not only me but the whole group as well. We all know how this industry works, once you’re an idol, you have to live by the rules. No mistakes. No bad image. No dating. In people’s eyes, we have to be perfect. Can’t we be just role models to them without following any rules?

Second are the people, including the media. As you can see, they are feasting on us, especially the media. These people are making good money out of us. Good example of it are our pictures being posted everywhere on the web. This is one thing that made Billie rage in anger. Her bag was snatched at the airport with her phone in it and some things that for her are not important. Hours after we arrived here in Seoul, Hyan Suk hyung called me and asked if I uploaded some of our pictures on Twitter and Instagram. I told him that I didn’t for I know that it’ll just fire things more. Next thing I know it, I’m staring at our intimate pictures on the screen already. Oh well, I really think that this is a good thing for we don’t have to clear things up to the people anymore coz it’s so obvious that we are really together (a picture of us in bed after has been released as well).

Last but not the least, Billie’s privacy. Hyan Suk hyung is worried about her because he knows that she’ll be the center of all the bashing by the fans. Not only that, her peace will surely be taken away from her by the media for they will treat her like any celebrity, where she’ll be followed everywhere and will be watched in every move whether big and small. Yes, this isn’t the life that I want to give her for she’s a free person, being locked in a golden cage is not her thing at all. Truth is, this is one reason why I’m good with having our relationship out in the open. It’s going to be much easier for her to move around without hiding anything from the people than being uptight in front of them.

“I love you” I told her softly then kissed her forehead.

She fell asleep after crying. My whole being is shaken by the sight of her breaking down and if only I can make things better for her, I will. I’m even willing to give up everything that I have just for her to stay with me.

Love is painful all the love is painful.
Repeating like a fool. That’s what I always do.
But pain is beautiful. It’s same as you.
Hope turns into disappointment. Wish turns into despair.
As love deepened, pain deepened more
Illusion or expectation that this time, it’ll be different.

*Without you (Eventually) lyrics – One of a Kind Album*

And the words that I’ve been waiting to flow out suddenly poured and the blank paper is now filled with writings. My heart that is loving another deeply, is feeling crap and it shows in every word on this paper.

“Jiyong”