Guys, i think in 2011 i started to suffer of depression, I was 11 back then, it was so sudden, nothing bad happened to me, I don't have any trauma or something, I was a happy child back then, that was the same year I discovered kpop, snsd, super junior, and shinee were my favs, they still are.

Like I said I was just a normal child but there were times when I felt depressed without any reason, I didn't think about it, then as I grow up I didn't feel any connection with people of my age so I was always with my older sister and her friends at school, also with my teacher, she was my own Jennifer Honey, we had a really good relationship and she even treated me like a daughter.

The thing is that for stupid things that happened our relationship went ruined and that made my depression stronger, I love her like a mother, in december 21 of 2016 I sent her a message explaining all the misunderstanding we had.

I thought she wouldn't answer back but she did and she forgive me, we didn't chat after that mostly because I knew that I didn't have to do anything with her, I mean she forgive me, but she didn't say that she wanted me back in her life.

I always loved writing so I made a book for her, like a biography of every moment we spent together until that day, I did it in only two days and I just let it be because I thought "this will be too much she wouldn't want to read it" and so I never said anything.

I found out about Jjong's death a morning and my world just went down.

It was like an alternative world in a nightmare I just couldn't believe it.

I think in may I dreamed something and got inspiration for a book, it is a book of a boy with depression, but I just let the dream be and forgot about it.

In july was the birthday of my teacher and I was listening Jjong's music and said "you know what? Forget it I'm going to sent her the book, it's one of the last things that a want to do if I ever have the courage to kill myself" so I sent it and told her it was a birthday gift, she was surprised because I remembered all of those things of the past, she loved it and I told her that maybe one day I will give her a real book and not a word document.

I just keep thinking about the dream to write a synopsis of the whole book, I said "you have to do it, for yourself, for your teacher, for the people who's feeling the same way as you and mostly for jonghyun, he gifted us so many things and I wanna return the favor", so right now I'm trying to put all the words together, I know how it will start and how it will end, I just have to write, I want to publish it once it is done the thing is that I don't know how and also I live in Venezuela, if you know about the situation here you'll know that things are hard so nobody will spent money in book written by an eighteen yrs old girl. So if you know how to do it online, with all the officials stuffs and the author rights, please tell me, I haven't ended the book but once I do I really want to publish it for our angel up there. Thanks for everything guys, let's celebrate the life of our angel by doing what we like everyday