Hello Jjong !

Do you know ? I love you, Jonghyun. I have utter respect and admiration for you. You were a brilliant and accomplished artist, a gorgeous voice and a unique charisma. You were you, the you that put me stars in the eyes and glitter in the ears, just you. But was it really you? Now I do not know. I do not know anything, except that my head is hurting, my eyes are burning, my heart is screaming. I am empty, empty without you. Without the you that illuminated my world. It is only when we lose somebody that we realize their importance, and it is know that you are gone that I need you the most. It is haunting ; it is eating my guts out. It's been hours since I am staring at your pixelated smile, and it seems like everything that I have ever known is false. Like I do not know everything. Sometimes the thought of you is bittersweet ; I can talk to people and even smile a little. Sometimes you are overwhelming, and I curl up and sobbing, choking on my tears. I am hurting. My pain is too deep, the wound in my heart and in my head too swollen. My grief is too much. But beyond that, beyond these emotions blurred by tears, I am proud of you. Proud that you lasted this long, proud of the person you were, helping minorities, always taking care of others before yourself. To you, who was uncertain to have done a good job, There is me, who says: you did well. You did well, Jonghyun. You can rest in peace now. I hope that you are watching us, and that you can hear our words : you did well, and thank you. To Jonghyun, sweet, sweet and so beautiful and kind and unique Jonghyun, who will be forever in my heart.