Even now I still can't believe what's happened. I cried and I still do, but even then I just still can't process the fact that he is gone. My heart still hurts but I'm trying to move on. I know he would've wanted that, he'd want us to be happy.
Shinee was and is a very important group to me. They were one of the first kpop groups I ever stanned. In a way it's because of Shinee that I'm in love with kpop the way I do now. Shinee holds so many beautiful memories for me. They were the first ever group I heard, at the time I was still ignorant and decided that I didn't like it but afterwards when I rediscovered kpop I went back, heard them again, and fell in love. I celebrated so many victories and anniversaries with them. I was with them through thick and thin. They were the ones that fully opened the doors to the kpop world and fandom for me. After awhile I started liking more groups, started stanning more and I started to distance myself from them. I wasn't as invested as I once was but that didn't mean I stopped listening to them, that didn't mean I stopped loving them, and that definitely didn't mean I had forgotten about them. They were always in my heart.
The morning the news broke out I was asleep and for some odd reason I woke up. I didn't know why but I couldn't go back to sleep. I decided to check Twitter and that's when I saw the news. He was at the hospital. I stayed up hoping, praying that it wasn't real, that he'd be okay, but that never happened. It broke me knowing how much he had suffered in silence, how everyone who knew him and loved him
felt after the news, I was devastated.
However I know that he is okay now, he is in a better place, he is happy. He was such an amazing person, talented, caring, affectionate, kind, sensitive, charismatic, and lovable. Dino puppy. Jjong. Bling Bling. Jonghyun. We may have lost an incredible human being but we gained a beautiful angel. He will forever be with us in our hearts, and he will be remembered as the strong and good person he was, someone who wasn’t afraid to stand up for what he believed in and for those who didn't have a say. We love you Jonghyun, we will miss you dearly, you did well. <3
I would also like to lend an open ear for those who may need it. Don't be afraid, it's okay to not be okay, to cry. Whatever you may be going through whether it be about Jonghyun or not, I'm here, I'll listen and I'll do my best to help you. I won't judge you. I've had my share of times when I feel helpless, alone, worthless, and abandoned. It's not easy, it never really is, but it is possible to pull yourself up and move on, move forward. It doesn't have to be right away, take your time, do it at your own pace, a pace you are comfortable with. ^_^