You Seem So Alive
A Farewell Hi Jonghyun,
How are you? You know, today marks one month since you went away. Honestly, I feel like I go in denial every now and then. I keep going through a marathon of SHINee or just you. In those times, I forget completely that you are not here anymore. And then, I will scroll through the comments section or come across article or tribute for you and there someone would mention about being sorry and missing you and I would suddenly remember. I feel it is more hard to come to terms and accept it because I never met or seen you in person. To me who has always watched you on screen, you seem so alive, that I don't think I can ever really accept it. I remember my biggest wish was to see all of SHINee perform live. My wish almost came true when you all came to Toronto, but because of the things happening in life then, I couldn't make it. I was so sad and very disappointed but consoled myself thinking 'it's okay. They came once. They'll come again and when they do, I will not miss it.' I regret that moment so much. I thought I had all the time in the world. Thought that SHINee will always be around. Be it 10 years or 20 years. Well, technically SHINee is around. You were and will always be a SHINee member just like Onew and the others said. Nothing and no one can replace you.
You are loved by many remember that. Did you see Lee Hi perform Breath, that you composed, for you? It was heart wrenching. It really brought me to tears watching her stop in the middle, not being able to sing but still being strong enough for you to sing the last words to you. You worked hard Jonghyun. Hey wanna know an interesting thing? Just few days before I had a dream. It was about the 2018 concert. Fans were chanting and SHINee were doing what they do best, shining in middle of a sea of aqua colour. The best part? You were there too. 5HINee were together. We couldn't see you but you were with your members/brothers on stage with beautiful blingy white wings. Dancing, singing, enjoying, watching and comforting the rest of SHINee and sometimes making fun of them too for doing crazy stuff, mostly Minho for not being shorter. You looked like you were happy and were having fun flying around from stage to stands. Maybe it was just my mind creating the dream after reading the members letters but I know that that day I smiled the brightest.
Watch over them, Jonghyun. Watch over your family. They are slowly picking themselves up, so be at peace but still always remember nothing can nor will ever fill your place. Missing you. And we all love you. Till next time. Bye ~
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