You Seem So Alive

A Farewell

 Hi Jonghyun,

How are you? You know, today marks one month since you went away. Honestly, I feel like I go in denial every now and then. I keep going through a marathon of SHINee or just you. In those times, I forget completely that you are not here anymore. And then, I will scroll through the comments section or come across article or tribute for you and there someone would mention about being sorry and missing you and I would suddenly remember. I feel it is more hard to come to terms and accept it because I never met or seen you in person. To me who has always watched you on screen, you seem so alive, that I don't think I can ever really accept it. I remember my biggest wish was to see all of SHINee perform live. My wish almost came true when you all came to Toronto, but because of the things happening in life then, I couldn't make it. I was so sad and very disappointed but consoled myself thinking 'it's okay. They came once. They'll come again and when they do, I will not miss it.' I regret that moment so much. I thought I had all the time in the world. Thought that SHINee will always be around. Be it 10 years or 20 years. Well, technically SHINee is around. You were and will always be a SHINee member just like Onew and the others said. Nothing and no one can replace you.

You are loved by many remember that. Did you see Lee Hi perform Breath, that you composed, for you? It was heart wrenching. It really brought me to tears watching her stop in the middle, not being able to sing but still being strong enough for you to sing the last words to you. You worked hard Jonghyun. Hey wanna know an interesting thing? Just few days before I had a dream. It was about the 2018 concert. Fans were chanting and SHINee were doing what they do best, shining in middle of a sea of aqua colour. The best part? You were there too. 5HINee were together. We couldn't see you but you were with your members/brothers on stage with beautiful blingy white wings. Dancing, singing, enjoying, watching and comforting the rest of SHINee and sometimes making fun of them too for doing crazy stuff, mostly Minho for not being shorter. You looked like you were happy and were having fun flying around from stage to stands. Maybe it was just my mind creating the dream after reading the members letters but I know that that day I smiled the brightest.

Watch over them, Jonghyun. Watch over your family. They are slowly picking themselves up, so be at peace but still always remember nothing can nor will ever fill your place. Missing you. And we all love you. Till next time. Bye ~

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
AIMRWV
Trying to advertise this for the 18th but someone else is bidding really hard so I am running out of karma (already bought more for over 30dollars) so if you have some spare you are willing to donate, I would be really thankful.

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
Redofthedawn
#1
I'm aware that it isn't December but I just thought of this post. December will never be easy for a lot of us. I'm more aware of my depression around that time. I just became an adult and the realization that a lot can change has finally hit me. I'm not sure how to feel. People within my family have died or are dying and it seems like the only thing I'm allowed to do is move on. I'm no longer given the luxury of grieving the way I had with Jonghyun. There are so many fond memories that I can go back to with Jjong but for them I only have memories. So much has happened these past few years and while I'm not completely okay I can say there's plenty of room where I've healed.

As year 6 approaches I want my fellow Shawols to know that healing is hardly a linear task. It's okay to not be ready but where you are there's always going to be SHINee.

And Dear Author thank you for keeping this space for all of us.
luv_kero
2415 streak #2
Thank you for keeping this space for us for so many years <3 This milestone hit me a lot harder than expected, but seeing this brought so much comfort. Miss you to the moon and back, Jonghyun <3
Viola_Ella #3
Chapter 818: When I saw in newfeed I just realised today is the day. He is a sweet,kind and precious soul. I miss him.
Evelyn_64
#4
It’s been five years today and just a few days ago I turned 27, the age Jonghyun-ah was when we had to say goodbye to him. I have long since had to “become an adult” and learn what growing up means; yet every year I come back to this little space, and read some of the messages that people wrote for him, and think back to the letter I wrote at 22 and never shared with anyone. I think back to a memory of me looking at the full moon and talking to him for hours, telling him I missed him terribly. We still miss you, friend. I still remember you fondly. I still remember me at 17 dancing to Replay in my room. I’ll always cherish those memories of our Spring.



Author, I hope you have been doing well. Thank you so much for keeping this space running for so long, it brings comfort to some more than you’ll ever know.
OdetteSwan
909 streak #5
I'm so glad you won the bid. I will start collecting karma points again.
Good work.
OdetteSwan
909 streak #6
Chapter 818: I just really paid attention to SHINee this August. Yet, when Jonghyun passed away four years ago, I felt sad that another beautiful and caring person chose to leave this place. In fact, I didn't want to listen to any SHINee songs then.
Now, watching SHINee's MVs, I feel like I have accepted what happened and hope that he is really happy now.
Redofthedawn
#7
Time keeps moving on and I wonder why I can't just go back and fix things to when it was so peaceful. So much has happened in the last four years and it feels as though there's only SHINee left to comfort me. Jonghyun for so long I've written my letters to you and I couldn't this year because I couldn't find the strength or will to when I was feeling down. I haven't cried this much since I was a baby. I promised last year that I would tread the new year with caution and that didn't work out so great. There's more I wanna say but I just wish you knew how much I love you. Thank you for being born and sharing your light with the world. Sincerely I love you. 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 ❤️
lovelyfeisty
#8
It’s been 4 years now and so it’s hard to believe that you left us, but I still do remember you as SHINee’s Blingbling Angel and as the brightest star that shines in the sky.

I used to feel so lonely after knowing that you left us, that I was listening to Lonely everyday for about a year, but now I just remind myself that you’re still with us, as the bright shining star watching over us from the night sky. ❤️
I will always love you.
wonpokemon
#9
i was InMemoryOfJonghyun!
just thought i'll let you know so you don't add this username again~ =]
anyways, good luck with the add and for all those who come here and are thinking of Jjong and of others and themselves.
aseulmonsta
#10
❤️