But I Care
A Farewell
Jonghyun-ah I miss you a lot.
Even more, since I'm going through ty times right now. Sometimes I feel guilty when I forget about you or don't watch/see things related to you. I think to myself, "If you even cared about him you'd see him more". But I care a lot. I do.
The past couple of weeks have . Really . I try to tell myself there's a reason for all of this and that it'll work out in the end. But every day something worse happens, and it continues like that.
I really do have a heart like a rock, because when it came time to cry I did, but then I stopped after a minute.
Why can't I cry like the rest of my family? One of my family members is like me but she was still crying when I stopped. Sometimes I feel like there's no way to let the emotions out and when I try to force it out it doesn't come out because there's nothing left.
Yesterday, out of nowhere I was hit by a wave of depression/sadness. I don't even know where it came from. It just hit me out of nowhere. It turns out my body was preparing for the tragedy that happened. How my body knew I don't know. And last night I cried again. Multiple times, surprising I know right. But as per usual it didn't last long. It never does.
I'm tired. Just tired of everything. But there's nothing I can do that can change the situation. I'll always be the one to lend my shoulder to let other people cry on. Why is it that I know everyone else well? And that I can comfort others? Why can't I be comforted?
Jonghyun-ah, even though I'm younger than you I'm talking to you informally. Lol I'm sorry. I miss you a lot and hope you're doing good. Better than I am at least
I realized that when I write to you I can write down how I really feel. As if there are not barriers between us.Thank you for that.
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