I Love You Pup
A FarewellIt still hurts, truthfully, until now. Your face and voice are everywhere. When I close my eyes, I see you. When I'm alone, I hear you. I guess that is just a longing sign, don't you think so?
Jonghyun-ah, when I heard the news for the first time, I was angry because it wasn't funny to joke like that in the midst of exam week. However, the news had its follow-up and when I realized it was serious, it was real, my whole body went cold. The tears felt painfully hot. I begged silently, because my voice didn't come out, for you to stay alive. It felt like a nightmare and I couldn't believe it. To be honest, I still can't believe it now. I never believed in miracle, Jonghyun-ah, but I prayed hard for a miracle that day. Yet, when they finally confirmed that you were really gone, I blamed myself for believing in miracle. It was painful. My tears just wouldn't stop.
I still cry now, occasionally. But, I'm sure that you don't want that, do you? I really do love you, Kim Jonghyun. You are a part of my dream. (I refuse to use past tense, pup). I really want to interview SHINee and you are a part of it. You know how much I love the five of you. You are the ones who keep me in light and give me strength to be what I am now. Being in journalism major is really hard and you guys remind me of what I'm actually fighting for. Thank you and I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry that I couldn't save you the way you saved me. I'm sorry for finding comfort in your songs when I couldn't provide you the same. I'm sorry I failed you, pup. I really am sorry. Don't be in pain anymore, okay? You've lived well. You've worked hard. You went through a lot. You deserve a good and peaceful rest.
I'll protect the rest of SHINee along with other Shawols. We are yours forever, pup. We'll remember you. We'll never forget you. So, please, always keep us with you wherever you are now. We miss you already, Kim Jonghyun. Please, do miss us too.
I made you a poem (12212017). It was when the reality really sunk in that you won't live under the same sky with me. I'm slowly letting you go because I know I will just burden you if I keep holding on. I won't forget and I'll keep loving you, pup.
At the end of the year, I don't have winter or autumn, but it's colder without you, pup.
Currently, it's even cold when the sky is bright like today.
It was gray this morning, pup, but now it's blue; will I immediately find you whenever I look up to the borderless sky?
They say time is the best medicine; I guess my medicine works rather slowly.
You've worked hard, pup.
Now, rest peacefully.
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