Jonghyunnie it's me again,

It's already been a month, yet I still can't wrap my head around the fact that you are no longer physically here. I understand why you made your final decision, I'm not mad at you. I know you gave your all and at the end of the day, you found your peace. The tears are still here, but they are slowly drying. I'm left with numbness, I feel it everyday. Please don't be mad at me when I said that I've been having troubling thoughts. I know that you'd be upset, but after the news came out I couldn't help but think of how easy one can leave this world. I hate myself so much because of it. I realized that although it seems like it may be hard mentally, it's so simple to slip away. I seen a picture of you on facebook last night. You were such an adorable baby, your mother was beautiful and looks as if she hasn't aged a day. What I couldn't help but think was that, this innocent toddler would one day take his life. I found myself wishing I could go back in time to that moment in the past where I can warn your mother of what was to come in about twenty five or so years. But I can't, that is what brings me back to reality.

Your family has decided to go through with the Japan concert, please watch over them. Although it relieves me to know that they are slowly picking up the shattered pieces, I'm so scared that they haven't had enough time to grieve. I know they are strong, as you were, but please let them have mental peace. I have to go now, thank you for always listening.

Saranghae~