Darling
A FarewellHello.
It’s weird for me to write this kind of sentimental letter for you (again), but let me do this at least for the last time.
It doesn’t matter for you, you're already on your comfort place now, you don’t have to care for everything anymore.
Leave and rest in peace, sleep tight now, watch your dearest people from upthere, Kim Jonghyun.
I used to call you oppa back then, you know, oppa means darling for me.
You are my one and only love, my hearts only belongs to you, I live only to see you.
You know it's so naive, but I didn’t even give a what people thought of me back then.
I live like that, happily, because I have you, because I love you.
Everything that’s happened to me became bearable, I don’t know if I didn't find you what could have happened.
You’re once my cure.
You’re once my one and only shelter.
Even if we were nothing more than idol and fan.
But it's enough for me.
It's enough that I love you by myself.
It's enough that you exist.
It's enough that those kind of feeling just one-sided.
I’m okay, I don’t feel lacking.
Simply, I’m happy that I have you.
And it's so beautiful for me, to loving someone that much, up until now I had never used my heart to love someone like I did with you.
I must accept the fact, that (only you) I can use my heart that way with you.
Your smiling face look so bright, that’s what makes me fond of you.
You know, those kind of smile are healing me.
People mocking me on my back or whatever they do—I don’t even care—because I choose to live recklessly by loving you, they said you're just an unreal thing.
You’re not even a thing for me.
You’re more than that.
You’re a magic I’ll never reach, that’s why I love you.
I love you and being egoistic as I am, I don’t know how to share, hahaha idiot!
You know you’re not nobody poverty, you are yours.
Having a massive love doesn’t mean I could mark you as mine.
I didn’t know that kind of thinking back then. I messed up.
I’m resign.
I’m leaving and break my own promises (heck, when I grown up I found that promises are meant to be broken), i choose to not care about you anymore.
You know people change.
Maybe I changed, you changed, everyone changed.
But it's okay,
Everyone changes. So its not weird, right?
.
.
.
.
.
I thought that I was fine.
Whatever happened to you, I’ll shrug it off.
Whatever words is a cruel things.
Whatever is everything possible, and here the shocking news.
You’re leaving.
I don’t even know how to react, I don’t even know why I’m mad at something indescribable.
I’m not mad at you—I don’t even have a right to—it's just unfair.
You’re leaving for sure.
It’s tiring for you, right?
Trying to be happy can kill you, and you really died.
Trying to be okay can leave you destroyed inside, and here it is you’re not coming back.
Feeling sorry is useless but I’ll say sorry for not paying attention to you after you've had a relationship with her.
You have your own decision and nobody can doubt that, I should have known that.
But that time, I’ve broke like a piece of shattered glass.
It's pricked me every time I saw your smiling face on screen, I kept thinking that your smile was so egoistic.
You’re happy with your own.
When I—in the other side—crushed so hard.
I’m sorry for being sad and throwing bad words at your happy moment.
I wish I could have supported you better besides ignoring everything about you.
I keep on thinking that you already have billion people stay on your side, that’s why it won't affect you that I choose to stop caring.
And that’s merely a fact, it doesn’t affect you at all.
Year by year, you looked so happy and bright like lovely person I used to know.
Slowly your happy face was not annoying me that much, it's just past for me.
Slowly I can’t help but pray you’re doing good on everything you do on Korean music industry.
Your voice is heaven for me—no matter the fact that you made me heartbroken so bad.
Your voice and music always so sentimental, so lonely but beautifully made.
I can't blame your masterpiece, your sentimental side always attracted me since the first time.
Sadness, loneliness, longing, weakness, your dark side is everything for me.
Can I say something?
“Please don’t go”
Like what you sang as my lullaby back then.
But it's useless
you’re leaving now
.
.
.
.
“There will always be a next time to see you”
I chuckled bitterly, there is no next time now.
You’re leaving for your own good, you need rest so bad that you make your own leave.
Have a good rest, sleep tight for now.
Be happy now, Kim Jonghyun Oppa.
Real happyness, not the fake one.
I’ll be remember you well.
I’ll be missing you once again.
Sincerely,
Me, your—once—satelite.
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