Darling

A Farewell

Hello.
It’s weird for me to write this kind of sentimental letter for you (again), but let me do this at least for the last time.
It doesn’t matter for you, you're already on your comfort place now, you don’t have to care for everything anymore.
Leave and rest in peace, sleep tight now, watch your dearest people from upthere, Kim Jonghyun.
I used to call you oppa back then, you know, oppa means darling for me.
You are my one and only love, my hearts only belongs to you, I live only to see you.
You know it's so naive, but I didn’t even give a what people thought of me back then.
I live like that, happily, because I have you, because I love you.
Everything that’s happened to me became bearable, I don’t know if I didn't find you what could have happened.
You’re once my cure.
You’re once my one and only shelter.
Even if we were nothing more than idol and fan.
But it's enough for me.
It's enough that I love you by myself.
It's enough that you exist.
It's enough that those kind of feeling just one-sided.
I’m okay, I don’t feel lacking.
Simply, I’m happy that I have you.
And it's so beautiful for me, to loving someone that much, up until now I had never used my heart to love someone like I did with you.
I must accept the fact, that (only you) I can use my heart that way with you.
Your smiling face look so bright, that’s what makes me fond of you.
You know, those kind of smile are healing me.
People mocking me on my back or whatever they do—I don’t even care—because I choose to live recklessly by loving you, they said you're just an unreal thing.
You’re not even a thing for me.
You’re more than that.
You’re a magic I’ll never reach, that’s why I love you.
I love you and being egoistic as I am, I don’t know how to share, hahaha idiot!
You know you’re not nobody poverty, you are yours.
Having a massive love doesn’t mean I could mark you as mine.
I didn’t know that kind of thinking back then. I messed up.
I’m resign.
I’m leaving and break my own promises (heck, when I grown up I found that promises are meant to be broken), i choose to not care about you anymore.
You know people change.
Maybe I changed, you changed, everyone changed.
But it's okay,
Everyone changes. So its not weird, right?
.
.
.
.
.
I thought that I was fine.
Whatever happened to you, I’ll shrug it off.
Whatever words is a cruel things.
Whatever is everything possible, and here the shocking news.
You’re leaving.
I don’t even know how to react, I don’t even know why I’m mad at something indescribable.
I’m not mad at you—I don’t even have a right to—it's just unfair.
You’re leaving for sure.
It’s tiring for you, right?
Trying to be happy can kill you, and you really died.
Trying to be okay can leave you destroyed inside, and here it is you’re not coming back.
Feeling sorry is useless but I’ll say sorry for not paying attention to you after you've had a relationship with her.
You have your own decision and nobody can doubt that, I should have known that.
But that time, I’ve broke like a piece of shattered glass.
It's pricked me every time I saw your smiling face on screen, I kept thinking that your smile was so egoistic.
You’re happy with your own.
When I—in the other side—crushed so hard.
I’m sorry for being sad and throwing bad words at your happy moment.
I wish I could have supported you better besides ignoring everything about you.
I keep on thinking that you already have billion people stay on your side, that’s why it won't affect you that I choose to stop caring.
And that’s merely a fact, it doesn’t affect you at all.
Year by year, you looked so happy and bright like lovely person I used to know.
Slowly your happy face was not annoying me that much, it's just past for me.
Slowly I can’t help but pray you’re doing good on everything you do on Korean music industry.
Your voice is heaven for me—no matter the fact that you made me heartbroken so bad.
Your voice and music always so sentimental, so lonely but beautifully made.
I can't blame your masterpiece, your sentimental side always attracted me since the first time.
Sadness, loneliness, longing, weakness, your dark side is everything for me.
Can I say something?
“Please don’t go”
Like what you sang as my lullaby back then.
But it's useless
you’re leaving now


.
.
.
.
“There will always be a next time to see you”
I chuckled bitterly, there is no next time now.
You’re leaving for your own good, you need rest so bad that you make your own leave.
Have a good rest, sleep tight for now.
Be happy now, Kim Jonghyun Oppa.
Real happyness, not the fake one.
I’ll be remember you well.
I’ll be missing you once again.


Sincerely,
Me, your—once—satelite.

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AIMRWV
Trying to advertise this for the 18th but someone else is bidding really hard so I am running out of karma (already bought more for over 30dollars) so if you have some spare you are willing to donate, I would be really thankful.

Comments

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Redofthedawn
#1
I'm aware that it isn't December but I just thought of this post. December will never be easy for a lot of us. I'm more aware of my depression around that time. I just became an adult and the realization that a lot can change has finally hit me. I'm not sure how to feel. People within my family have died or are dying and it seems like the only thing I'm allowed to do is move on. I'm no longer given the luxury of grieving the way I had with Jonghyun. There are so many fond memories that I can go back to with Jjong but for them I only have memories. So much has happened these past few years and while I'm not completely okay I can say there's plenty of room where I've healed.

As year 6 approaches I want my fellow Shawols to know that healing is hardly a linear task. It's okay to not be ready but where you are there's always going to be SHINee.

And Dear Author thank you for keeping this space for all of us.
luv_kero
2415 streak #2
Thank you for keeping this space for us for so many years <3 This milestone hit me a lot harder than expected, but seeing this brought so much comfort. Miss you to the moon and back, Jonghyun <3
Viola_Ella #3
Chapter 818: When I saw in newfeed I just realised today is the day. He is a sweet,kind and precious soul. I miss him.
Evelyn_64
#4
It’s been five years today and just a few days ago I turned 27, the age Jonghyun-ah was when we had to say goodbye to him. I have long since had to “become an adult” and learn what growing up means; yet every year I come back to this little space, and read some of the messages that people wrote for him, and think back to the letter I wrote at 22 and never shared with anyone. I think back to a memory of me looking at the full moon and talking to him for hours, telling him I missed him terribly. We still miss you, friend. I still remember you fondly. I still remember me at 17 dancing to Replay in my room. I’ll always cherish those memories of our Spring.



Author, I hope you have been doing well. Thank you so much for keeping this space running for so long, it brings comfort to some more than you’ll ever know.
OdetteSwan
909 streak #5
I'm so glad you won the bid. I will start collecting karma points again.
Good work.
OdetteSwan
909 streak #6
Chapter 818: I just really paid attention to SHINee this August. Yet, when Jonghyun passed away four years ago, I felt sad that another beautiful and caring person chose to leave this place. In fact, I didn't want to listen to any SHINee songs then.
Now, watching SHINee's MVs, I feel like I have accepted what happened and hope that he is really happy now.
Redofthedawn
#7
Time keeps moving on and I wonder why I can't just go back and fix things to when it was so peaceful. So much has happened in the last four years and it feels as though there's only SHINee left to comfort me. Jonghyun for so long I've written my letters to you and I couldn't this year because I couldn't find the strength or will to when I was feeling down. I haven't cried this much since I was a baby. I promised last year that I would tread the new year with caution and that didn't work out so great. There's more I wanna say but I just wish you knew how much I love you. Thank you for being born and sharing your light with the world. Sincerely I love you. 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 ❤️
lovelyfeisty
#8
It’s been 4 years now and so it’s hard to believe that you left us, but I still do remember you as SHINee’s Blingbling Angel and as the brightest star that shines in the sky.

I used to feel so lonely after knowing that you left us, that I was listening to Lonely everyday for about a year, but now I just remind myself that you’re still with us, as the bright shining star watching over us from the night sky. ❤️
I will always love you.
wonpokemon
#9
i was InMemoryOfJonghyun!
just thought i'll let you know so you don't add this username again~ =]
anyways, good luck with the add and for all those who come here and are thinking of Jjong and of others and themselves.
aseulmonsta
#10
❤️