(W) Somehow, I Understand What It Feels Like
A FarewellLiving has been a struggle. Everyday. It gets harder when the people around me are tired as well. Even if I do not have anything to give anymore, I force myself to support and encourage other people. Hoping for a better day is difficult and painful, especially when I get shot down everytime a miracle happens and I do get to pick up the small scraps of optimism left in me (like today). I have no one to talk to. Everyone has their own problems and I can't possibly bring myself to add to their long list of dilemmas. As much as possible, I like to keep to myself because I know no one will understand. No one can ever truly grasp what goes on in this ed-up brain of mine. They say they're tired, and I say "me, too"; but what I really mean to say is "I can't do this anymore and I want to die." I feel like I'm living for the sole purpose of waiting for my death.
Jonghyun-ah, I'm so sorry. For everything. Somehow, I understand what it feels like. Everything in your letter. Somehow, I can relate. You must be happy, wherever you are. I envy you. I want to go, but I don't, at the same time. I miss you.
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