Seeing your members "supporting" you this way was horrible Jonghyun-ah. I'm a college student and I can't bunk classes. I'm alright around my friends, but the moment I became alone, I start thinking about a life without you, and my whole self feels numb after that. Seeing anything related to suicide, scares me the most now. I always rooted for Onew to come back as soon as possible, but then if it was this way I wouldn't have wished for it occur so soon. You planned it well, my dear. You left no holes in between. You crafted your whole life beautifully, from your birth, achieving success, fame and lastly, you did all your duties. You lead a good life, Jonghyun-ah. You didn't hurt anyone. I want to know who hurt you, was it us? was it our love? what was it, Jonghyun-ah. I feel that you are happy now. It rained here and i felt like you were patting my shoulder, saying that I shouldn't feel bad. But without you, your members won't be the same Jonghyun-ah. It's heart breaking to see them carry you like that, they were protecting you, your mother attended her own son's funeral. This is a big punishment, jonghyun-ah. I know you are happy, now that you lost all your depression, but why do I feel like I'm falling into one? The price of your happiness is too big, Jonghyun. To us, your life was so perfect. You had everything you wanted, but then we didn't know you were suffering in the darkness. You could have walked out if you didn't like it, but then you chose to fly away from us.
Was it too difficult breathing in the smoke? Your eyes must have watered, maybe that'd be the last time you will ever cry. You smile so beautifully in your funeral photo, your friends were carrying you with swollen faces. You could have stayed some more time with us, love. We don't deserve but we need you. Life was too short for you, Jonghyun. I pacify myself that you are happy somewhere else, but how can I be happy when you took everything away from me. The look you gave us in the final concert clearly spoke of how ready you were to go and you scanned the entire place for one last time. Who's going to sing all the high notes. Elders always say that we should cherish the present, because it may turn to a regrettable past. I see that now, Jonghyun-ah. You were there when I was praying for Onew's well being, you were there when Taemin came back, I didn't support you enough. You wouldn't know me about it, at least my prayers would have reached you. I'm watching many videos of you, and the memories you left behind, will hopefully heal me. Others are saying they saw the blue moon in the sky. You are looking at your members from afar, right? Take care of them. Please.