I'm seriously still filled with sadness -- sadness... I don't even know if that's the word to describe it. I am so hurt by the news and reality is so hard to face. 

I have not met him in real life but I wished so much that I have at least seen him even just once. It's so hard to accept the truth. When I read the first news about him, it felt like I was reading a fanfic. I never imagined anything like this to ever happen once in my life. Everything is so unreal. I was in public and I was so in shock. I felt like I had to hold it in.

When nobody was looking, I let a tear roll down my face. I was not ready to accept it yet.

You. Kim Jonghyun? The best vocalist? Gone?

How does the word "gone" and the name "Kim Jonghyun" ever dare to go together in a same statement?

I felt so hurt. I have loved you for almost 7 years now, Jjong. Losing you is by far the greatest pain I have gained in my life. You are already a part of me. You inspired me through your music, through your silly actions, your gentle heart, your own personality. You have been a good man; not letting your loved ones, and the shawols down. You wanted to give everything you can to all, but sadly, you have never felt enough. It was not a shock that you were feeling that way.

I was so upset about what you did. I felt so frustrated and angry that people; including me made you feel this way. I feel so sorry for not being a better fan/admirer. 

Jjong, you did so well.

I do not know when I am ever going to move on about you being gone and all I can do now is pray for the best. Jjong, you may have not known me, but being the person I am, I will love you forever. I hope God still has plans for you after what happened.

I loved you Jjong, I will always love you. Your voice will forever remain in our hearts.

I will never forget you.