(W) Even Though We Lived On Different Sides of the Planet
A FarewellDear Jonghyun
When I first heard the news I didn't know what to think. My sister told me around 8am the day after it happened. We lived on different sides of the planet so when you were preparing for the end, I was sleeping happily in my bed and I can't tell you how sorry I feel. I know it was something I had no control over, but I can't help feeling awful when I think about it. You were in so much pain yet you smiled. You were suffering and yet you just wanted to make others happy. Thinking back on it now, there were so many signs. In your songs, the way you spoke sometimes and even in your book you talked about a boy with severe depression and everyone just overlooked it. Myself included. You did what you thought you had to do to end the pain to end your suffering. It's not your fault it's your demons. I know what they can do to you. My demons have been louder the past couple months they make you feel worthless, like nothing matters anymore, they make you believe everything would be better with you gone. I also know how hard it is to tell those closest to you. In fact this is the first time I've ever voiced how I feel. What I write here not even my family or friends know. Recently, I just feel as if I'm fading away. I can't sleep at night unless I tire myself so much that my body just cant take it anymore. I've tried sleeping pills but they don't work for me. I can't tell anyone bc I'd feel like a burden and I just wonder is this what you felt. When I read the letter you had your friend release it didn't feel all that foreign to me. You feel alone. They're could be a sea of people and yet it's like it's just you. Nothing you do is good enough and no one ever asks if your really okay. You smile and they think everything is okay so you just keep smiling until you can't anymore. I understand how you felt and I'm sorry you had to suffer for so long. I hope now your happy and in a better place with no worries and I pray your inner demons are finally silent. You've given me the strength to start fighting mine and I'm so sorry you lost to yours. Please be happy from now on wherever you may be. You are truly an angel now. We all love you and thank you for all that you did.
You worked hard Kim Jonghyun.
Now Rest In Peace Angel you did well.
Goodbye.
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