When I first heard it, I was like "No way, it can't be." I said it to myself numerous times. First, I wished I never heard this news but then how can I not unhear it. It broke my heart. It felt like suddenly the world lost its colour. You were my first ever bias. And my favorite voice. When you sing, the imagery of your picture forms in my mind. I listened to your songs and I went damn crazy at your voice. I don't go liking people for their appearance first. When I first heard your voice it was so attractive. And I realized something, you wanted people to say that you worked hard. I know I'm selfish for hoping you to live when you didn't want to. Not only me, many people hoped for that. What is gone is gone. And I'll let go and not hold into the sadnes. But, for what I know now is that I can't see kpop like I did before. It's just now a whole different world. Though I joined kpop during 2014 when I was 13 years. I was young. First thank you for bringing me into kpop. You were a part of it. I know that this will not reach you. But, I hope it does.

Some are strong, some are weak. I was strong to fight my demons. I already have this fixed view on suicide, "it's the most stupidest decision." That's what always kept me going when I had very big mental breakdowns. I have felt lonely at times. And then there were my friends who said that they love me. I didn't get to know from them directly but indirectly at first. Everytime I felt lonely I was reminded of them. Whenever you feel lonely remember that there are people for you. It's always our mind that plays trick with us. They create an illusion. So, we can fight it back by creating our own trick and trick our mind. Don't let negativity get into you and be optimistic.

I haven't had depression. But, I know it's very serious. However, in my opinion, I think depression sometimes starts with a small problem which isn't something related to depression but you think that it's depression and then it keeps on getting developed because the more you think the more worker it gets. So, when you face certain problems never take it as depression.

I'm sorry if I offended certain people. I'm sorry if my words are untrue at some point. This is my opinion and what I think. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

Let's stay strong. And yeah, talking. Talking to people helps.

Jonghyun gave me now a fixed dream. I'm gonna be a counselor. I heard from certain people that I'm good at that. And Jonghyun gave me reasons to be one. I'll be one and help more people. I'll definitely be one.

Love you, Jonghyun my first idol crush. My favorite voice. Our Angel. Rest In Peace.