(W) Among All Those Faces... Which One Is Mine?
A Farewell
Sometimes...I really feel like giving up on life. Like there is no place for me to stay in this world. I feel left out, unwanted, unimportant. Like no one would notice if I'm gone. I know this sounds stupid and selfish but this is the way I've been feeling for quite a while. Sometimes...I truly understand you Jonghyun oppa... I understand why you wanted to leave even after so many people loved you. It just...feels so lonely without myself. I know and I can see everyone here but amidst all of them...I can't see myself. Among all those faces... which one is mine? I don't know...
It's so hard being alive. So hard. But every time I think about dying... I back away cause I'm scared. I'm scared because even when I want to hurt myself, I don't want to hurt my parents. they don't deserve the mess I am inside. Lately everything is just so tiring. school, friends, relationships...everything tires me out. I used to enjoy writing but now I only stare at the blank page thinking how should I write to not disappoint anyone? Plus the competition! The competition to get best grades, go to the best colleges, being better than your friends...all this...it's killing me. I feel like crying for help...but even if I do...no one would hear me. I'm a coward, Jonghyun oppa.
I'm alive today because I'm a coward.
and that’s why I admire you...cause you were so...so brave.
rest in peace, Jonghyun....
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