Dear Kim Jonghyun,
The first time I joined kpop in 2009-2010 because of Minho and after that, I declared myself as Shawol, silently.
A lot of ppl looked down at mostly kpop fans, but I like Minho and Shinee a lot.
After knowing SHINee and studying abt the members, I know that you were unique. I used to think that you were an attention-seeker, talkative; but deep inside you were a nerd. You read a lot of books (something that I really admire because I love books too. We're both book-nerds.), you listen to Jamiroquai (hey, I love them too!) and Prince, you can play several music instruments, you are very talented; not only because of your voice but also your ability.
I always feel you were like an enigma: you never told us about your father, you once told us about how you didn't really believe with God. That time I wondered, what kind of scar do you have, because you seemed like a person who fight constantly with the world. I wondered if you're tired then.

Years passed by and you looked much thinner than before. It looked really unhealthy for you and you really looked tired with everything. You just forced yourself, but I was only a fan, I couldn't even speak Korean, what can I really do? You made a lot of songs but not many people really appreciated it, eventho for me, you are still my no 1 song writer.

People always speak about your depression, about how you openly show the signs of fighting the darkness inside your mind. But, what people can do?
I know. I've been there, but I can't do that. I know the signs of anxiety and depression. I studied about it and I can just guess it. But I always thought you were a strong person and because you openly talk about it, I ended up thinking that people will reach you, will hear you.

Sometimes there are words that you can't speak out loud. Because you're afraid that it will make your closest person worry. Or deep down, you're just afraid that they won't really listen to you. And it just made you blame yourself.

It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. It's just... life has so much mystery inside, and maybe the best way for you to heal is to leave us away.

Jonghyun, if I got another chance to speak once again, I will. Because for me, you're not just an idol, a singer, a songwriter, a novelist, a very talented person, or just another label that they put on you.
You are human. You are someone that I love so dearly, you are someone that I looked up to. You aren't just my inspiration, but much more than that.

After this, we will walk our separate path, and maybe we will meet in the next lifetime.

You did well, Jonghyun-ah.
You've worked hard.

This is farewell.

20.12.2017/ 11:18 PM