I haven't been with SHINee for that long, I've only known them for 3 years now. I found them through Jonghyun when I seen a performance of Hallelujah, I remember I thought who is this talented and beautiful angel that I've found? Lol but it was and is the truth. Jonghyun was and still is a talented human being that was and is a complete angel that we just didn't deserve

The day the news broke out I had broke down about an hour before because a woke up in this state up depression. which isn't foreign for me because I go through depression which I have been for years. I had calmed down and started watching a movie. Then my mother came in the room and asked me who was Kim Jonghyun? I said huh? So she gave me her phone to read it and at first I'm not gonna lie I started laughing because I thought it was a joke and that they were playing with me.
So I read on, then I got to comments and found out it was real, I had never screamed so loud in my life. I screamed the most strangled screamed ever you could tell I was hurt I could hear it in my own ears. I remember just screaming "Jonghyun!", "No Jonghyun!" And "Why!", I was broken... I am broken.
I still couldn't believe it so I just went on Twitter and read everything. I made probably over 8 post on different accounts speaking to him in them because I wanted him to know that he did well, that we always knew he worked hard but no matter what it didn't feel like enough. I still felt like he couldn't hear me and that's what I wanted, I wanted to tell him personally but I knew I couldn't...
Jonghyun wasn't my bias, it's Taemin but Jonghyun has always been one of the most important people to me he meant/means the world to me and that will never change.

Dear Jonghyun
The morning the news broke out that you left us I didn't know what to do and to be honest I still don't know what to do. I don't know when I will, I didn't even understand that you were really gone until I found out that you were finally put to rest but because you can't put a time to grief, I won't. The next day when I woke up I started crying because I knew that you no longer will have the privilege of waking up and for that I am sorry Jonghyun. You were alone and even though I didn't know you personally I somehow blame myself for you feeling lonely

Jonghyun I've went through depression for so many years that I can't even count it now. I wish I could, but I can't. If I'm being honest I hate myself, I hate everything about myself, I've tried so hard for so many years and I've never given up but I've thought about it so much. Like when I have a bottle of pills in my hand, when i'm holding something sharp or taking a bath.
Jonghyun I've never wanted to give up so much in my entire life until you left. it's hard, its so freaking hard and I'm trying but I have no one to speak to. I feel like I'm stuck in a box with no holes to breathe through but I'll stay strong for you because you wouldn't want me to leave this world because you did and I know that.
I miss you Jonghyun and I'm gonna miss you forever. You left us early(too early) because you're too much of an Angel and you did your time as an Angel down here so now it's time to be an angel in the sky and even though I miss you, I know it's time for you to be a star in the sky I love you Jonghyun keep on shining bright like the star you are in our night sky. we'll never forget you honey

I hope you're finally happy, stress free, that you're have a high note contest with Whitney and trying to beat Michael at dancing, but most importantly i hope you no longer feel lonely.

Rest well Bling Bling, you did well and you worked so freaking hard, you ALWAYS did. We Love you Jonghyun, I love you. Sleep calmly baby