When I first hear of SHINee, I was a young 12 going 13 girl who didn’t even know what kpop was. I was only listening to BIGBANG at the time but when I heard the first word to WOWOWOW, I was hooked. They were the second group that got me more into this world I knew nothing about. Every second of the day I would search more and more about them because who was I to know that I would fall madly in love with these 5 boys. I will always be a Key girl but Jonghyun was always my second favorite. He was goof and charming all at once. His voice was like honey to me. Shinee, along with so many more groups gave me a reason to exist. They give me the power to live my life and know that I'm not alone. They were all there for me in my time of need and hurt. Jonghyun was so open about his life that it gave me a light of hope of that if he could do this! Why can’t I? I love him so much that when I had heard the news my heart shattered. You ever see in the movies when everything slows down and you can’t breathe? That was me but I was on my couch and on Facebook. I held on to my phone for dear life because how could this be real when only a few months ago Seunghyun from bigbang tried to do the same. It had to be fake, right? I could breathe easy when the next the post would have said “Jonghyun is doing well and is stable!” But that post never popped up. It was heartbreaking news, one after another. I saw more and more of what I never thought I would never have to. I went into panic mode and thought “Well who is messing with me? This has to be fake. I just saw a video of him a few weeks ago being all bubbly and happy!” I called my mom after I had read the confirmed letter that he had passed. I was crying. I couldn’t stop. She was trying to calm me down but I couldn’t because how could this cruel world take something so important to me away? It’s hard for me to form words some days when people ask about him. I tell them all the wonderful things about him and all the things he has done. I still listen to his music and have him as my screensaver and always the head picture on my tumblr. I just cannot imagine a life without him. I know that he is gone but he will always be in my heart. I just want to know when can I see him again? I don’t believe in an afterlife but with Jonghyun I feel like he is always somewhere. I ask my sweet grandfather every time I go to bed if he can give him a huge hug from me to him and I think that he does. I want Jonghyun to be happy. I want him to know that he is important and loved. I want him to know that he will always be a shining star that lit up the world with just the turn of his head. I love you Kim Jong Hyun and don’t you forget that.

To my sweet Jonghyun Thank you so much. Thank you for everything you have provided me over the pass almost eight years, even after your passing. Tonight, I had a moment of weakness and consider joining you in the stars but I saw the blue flickering light that I saw a few nights after your passing. Even in my lowest moments you’re here with me, making sure I’m okay. You are watching over me and every shawol out there. Watching over Key, Onew, Minho and Taemin. Every Korean pop star out there struggling. I thank you for that because I want to do you proud. I want to show you that even though your gone, your soul still lives inside me and everyone who might read this. Once again, Thank you my shining star. I hope you’re resting well up there and please don’t hesitate to come visit me in my dreams. I’d love nothing more than to hear your voice.

To the shawols Shawols, my sweet shawols. I hope you are all treating each other well and I want you to know that this world is cruel but we have each other. Know that Jonghyun is there with you with every breath and every tear. Remember him for the good that he has done. Hang on to your memories you have of him. Feed positivity into this world because of him. Love each other because of him. Continue to love Jonghyun, please don’t forget about him. If you need a shoulder, I’m here with open arms. Love from a girl; who loves a man, who was too good for this world but now owns the moon and is shining brighter than ever.