Admired With All My Heart

A Farewell

this will be all over the place but nonetheless I hope you understand
I just have not the words to truly explain how much heart ache I’m in knowing that you’re no longer gracing this earth with your talents, beauty, and kind soul
You along with four other amazing individuals entered my life so abruptly making me smile, laugh, and cry endlessly just from simply existing.
You brought so much joy to me for many years and for that I am so thankful
When I first found out of your passing I laughed and thought “how could they possibly make this big of a mistake while reporting you just being ill” you were definitely going to be ok but as I searched your name and nothing but the bitter words of death filled the page I knew
Just as you entered my life you left just as fast and it hurts
You were my idol and someone I can truly say I admired with all of my heart
I loved you and with the amount of love I have for you still I will love you forever and always
But I feel anger Jonghyun
How could you leave us? How could you possibly think of yourself as less than? What about SHINee and us shawols? Your family?
I can only think that we’ve all failed to let you know that we loved you, can’t help but to feel that we left you with the burden of helping us without us giving you anything back in return.
I’m sorry.
For now I will allow myself to cry and let my emotions flow as they come only because I know you’d want me to
because I know you’d say holding it in will only build to the hurt.
I will cry as much as my eyes allow just as I know you would too
I will let myself become lost in the thought of you until it becomes easier for me to speak your name again
I love you.
You did well.
and up until now you’ve truly worked hard and for that Jonghyun I’d like you to take the rest that you deserve.
I hope with all of my soul that you are able to breath lightly and smile down genuinely at us and until we are able to look to the sky and smile back please allow us time
Just like you did we will work hard to smile for you and once we can I’d like you to tell us we did well too
I love you. I’m proud of you.
Until next time.

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
AIMRWV
Trying to advertise this for the 18th but someone else is bidding really hard so I am running out of karma (already bought more for over 30dollars) so if you have some spare you are willing to donate, I would be really thankful.

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
Redofthedawn
#1
I'm aware that it isn't December but I just thought of this post. December will never be easy for a lot of us. I'm more aware of my depression around that time. I just became an adult and the realization that a lot can change has finally hit me. I'm not sure how to feel. People within my family have died or are dying and it seems like the only thing I'm allowed to do is move on. I'm no longer given the luxury of grieving the way I had with Jonghyun. There are so many fond memories that I can go back to with Jjong but for them I only have memories. So much has happened these past few years and while I'm not completely okay I can say there's plenty of room where I've healed.

As year 6 approaches I want my fellow Shawols to know that healing is hardly a linear task. It's okay to not be ready but where you are there's always going to be SHINee.

And Dear Author thank you for keeping this space for all of us.
luv_kero
2415 streak #2
Thank you for keeping this space for us for so many years <3 This milestone hit me a lot harder than expected, but seeing this brought so much comfort. Miss you to the moon and back, Jonghyun <3
Viola_Ella #3
Chapter 818: When I saw in newfeed I just realised today is the day. He is a sweet,kind and precious soul. I miss him.
Evelyn_64
#4
It’s been five years today and just a few days ago I turned 27, the age Jonghyun-ah was when we had to say goodbye to him. I have long since had to “become an adult” and learn what growing up means; yet every year I come back to this little space, and read some of the messages that people wrote for him, and think back to the letter I wrote at 22 and never shared with anyone. I think back to a memory of me looking at the full moon and talking to him for hours, telling him I missed him terribly. We still miss you, friend. I still remember you fondly. I still remember me at 17 dancing to Replay in my room. I’ll always cherish those memories of our Spring.



Author, I hope you have been doing well. Thank you so much for keeping this space running for so long, it brings comfort to some more than you’ll ever know.
OdetteSwan
909 streak #5
I'm so glad you won the bid. I will start collecting karma points again.
Good work.
OdetteSwan
909 streak #6
Chapter 818: I just really paid attention to SHINee this August. Yet, when Jonghyun passed away four years ago, I felt sad that another beautiful and caring person chose to leave this place. In fact, I didn't want to listen to any SHINee songs then.
Now, watching SHINee's MVs, I feel like I have accepted what happened and hope that he is really happy now.
Redofthedawn
#7
Time keeps moving on and I wonder why I can't just go back and fix things to when it was so peaceful. So much has happened in the last four years and it feels as though there's only SHINee left to comfort me. Jonghyun for so long I've written my letters to you and I couldn't this year because I couldn't find the strength or will to when I was feeling down. I haven't cried this much since I was a baby. I promised last year that I would tread the new year with caution and that didn't work out so great. There's more I wanna say but I just wish you knew how much I love you. Thank you for being born and sharing your light with the world. Sincerely I love you. 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 ❤️
lovelyfeisty
#8
It’s been 4 years now and so it’s hard to believe that you left us, but I still do remember you as SHINee’s Blingbling Angel and as the brightest star that shines in the sky.

I used to feel so lonely after knowing that you left us, that I was listening to Lonely everyday for about a year, but now I just remind myself that you’re still with us, as the bright shining star watching over us from the night sky. ❤️
I will always love you.
wonpokemon
#9
i was InMemoryOfJonghyun!
just thought i'll let you know so you don't add this username again~ =]
anyways, good luck with the add and for all those who come here and are thinking of Jjong and of others and themselves.
aseulmonsta
#10
❤️