So Much More To Accomplish
A FarewellI wasn't a Shawol, but news of your passing shook me to my core. For a solid five minutes, I sat in my car with my jaw dropped chanting "Oh my God." "Oh my God." "Oh my God." Then I googled because I didn't believe it and I found myself going please don't tell me he committed suicide. Please...but alas..
I was angry. To be honest, I still am. You were one year younger than me with so much to live for and so much more to accomplish.
I was angry because you said goodbye to your sister and she called for help. Two hours...TWO HOURS passed before they came.
I was angry because you reached out for help only to be told it was your fault. I was angry because I felt you were failed.
I was angry because carbon monoxide is a slow process. How long did you have to sit there? I was angry because I wondered did you suffer. In closing, I was angry that even down to your final breath you suffered.
I hate it so much and that makes me angry. Why does the most beautiful souls have the hardest battles to fight? Why are the most gentle ones, the ones beaten down and the ones with the most beautiful smiles the ones covering the most scars.
Our dear sweet Jonghyun, despite my anger, I want you to know that I understand why you did what you did, but that doesn't lessen the pain we feel. All of us...Shawol or not...near or far. You were...you ARE a gem. Gone too soon, and you will be missed.
If you know nothing else, I hope you know that. You did well, sweetheart. You really did.
With Love,
Livi
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