Today, I watched your funeral procession from the other side of the world. I watched as they carried you and placed you in the hearse and I finally found the strength to call your name and beg you not to go. I found myself selfishly demanding that you come back to us.
These past few days have been a blur, I keep thinking that this is all some sort of dream, that the world would wake up the next day and you'll still be here with us. I never let it really hit me that you're no longer here. I don't know when I will. I didn't let myself really cry until today, I felt like if I didn't see you then I wouldn't really believe it and I could somehow push this to the back of my mind and make me forget about you. So I didn't cry.
But it was-is-so hard. The part of me that thinks logically "You've never met this person"
"You only know of his existence through the internet"
"Why are you crying so hard"
all of this bombards my mind and I cry even harder. Those awful thoughts are there but I've found the strength to fight them. Even if we've never met and exchanged words in person, the words that you sang along with the melodies that you've brought to life have been more than enough. In 10, 20, even 30 years I'll listen to your voice again and I'm sure it'll bring me back to 2008 when I first heard your voice. Tomorrow...tomorrow, I'll look at your face again and re-live all the wonderful memories that have been captured through lenses haha, I'll laugh with the you that you showed us and I'll remember the happy times. Tomorrow I'll say your name with a smile that I hope you will be proud of.
Today, I'll cry as I say good bye to you for the first and last time.
You've done well Jonghyun.