Chapter 92

I think we should break up

It was a phrase Seunghyun heard all the time, and it hurt all the same. It was Jiyongs habit, a habit that he desperately wanted to break but it seemed impossible. No matter how much Seunghyun assured him that this was a relationship he wanted, Jiyong always tried to push him away.

It was because Jiyong's heart was too big and he felt he had nothing to offer. Seunghyun blamed himself for not showing Jiyong how important he actually was, for not showing him that Jiyong was worth the relationship they shared.

This time, however, was different from all the other times. Jiyong stood, fists clenched at his side and angry tears were streaming down his face. Seunghyun didn’t know what brought this on.

“I think we should break up.”

Seunghyun hesitated as he stood from his seat behind the computer. Normally when Jiyong brought this up there were alone in the solitude of one of their homes. This was the first time Jiyong attempted a public break up, one with the members to be a witness.

He knew how Jiyongs mind worked though. Jiyong was thinking that Seunghyun had too much pride to fight for him when others were around, or that he wouldn't  fight for someone who embarrassed him in front of his friends.

They ignored the gasps from the others as their eyes remained connected. Seunghyun knew this could only end in one or two ways. He could either agree with the other man who cried as though his heart was breaking, or he could do as he always did and reassure Jiyong that they weren’t breaking up.

Seunghyun wouldn’t take either way though. The six words hurt every time he heard it and Seunghyun realized he never asked for a reason for Jiyong wanting to break up. Every time he heard it he dropped what he was doing and fought for the relationship that he loved being apart of. He loved Jiyong too much not to but he wasn’t doing Jiyong any favors in not finding out the reasons he said it so often.

“Why?”

Jiyong flinched, as though not expecting the question, and wiped his tears. Now he looked cauious of the others in the room, Seunghyun wouldn’t let him get out of it though. JIyong looked on in embarrassment before straightening his stance and standing tall.

“Because I can’t make you happy, and I want you to be happy.”

Seunghyuns gaze softened as Jiyong's voice gradually became lower at every word he spoke. He had been right about Jiyong having a big heart. His lover would rather be miserable then to make his other half sad. That was the heart of Kwon Jiyong.

Sometimes, Seunghyun really hated it.

“What if breaking up with you would take away my happiness?”

Jiyong looked stunned, as though the thought had never occurred to him. He had been so concerned about what was best for Seunghyun that he neglected to think about his feelings.  

Seunghyun really hated that.

“What if it breaks my heart everytime you ask me to break up?”

Jiyongs tears came faster and Seunghyun knew the other was biting his tongue to stop the sobs from showing. Seunghyun would keep pressing though because Jiyong needed to understand, in front of the witnesses who stayed still, that Jiyong was Seunghyuns happiness.

“What if you leaving me would take away every ounce of joy I had left? Could you let me be so miserable?”

He shook his head and Seunghyun knew he was getting through. Slowly taking steps towards the other, he reached out to pull him into his arms. The dam broke against his chest.

The thoughts, feelings, and pain that Jiyong had been holding back broke free at the security of his lover's arms. Seunghyun could do nothing but hold the other man as he shook.

“Jiyong, when will you realize that you are my happiness. That if you leave me then I’ll having nothing left.” Seunghyuns voice was a whisper as he spoke. It was the truth, even music was beginning to loose it’s shine. It didn’t hold the same beauty as it did when they were finding new things to try, things that other Korean artists shied away from.

The stood in silence, for what seemed like hours, embracing the other. The members slid passed them to give them some privacy and Seunghyun was grateful as Jiyong had too much pride to cry in front of the others.

Seunghyun realized then why Jiyong was crying when he spoke those words. He had expected Seunghyun to let him go. The tears flowed harder when he realized he was wrong. The first batch of tears was fear, the second was tears of relief.

Jiyong would be held onto because Jiyong was his happiness and that’s all he wanted. He wanted to make Seunghyun happy.

Seunghyun never heard those 6 words again.  

So, I'm going to make a continuation of the last chapter. Sadistic Seunghyun might be really fun to write.

8 chapters left.

I've been writing a new story.