Chapter 72

School A/U

“Mr. Choi, are you going to be alright?”

His mother cried silently as she held firmly to his limp hand. No, he wasn’t okay.

“Sir? Do you want some water?”

No, he didn’t want water. He wanted his health. He wanted for his mother to be ignorant of the situation, why did he bring her with him? Why was he afraid to speak to the doctor by himself.

“With proper treatment, you’ll get through this.”

It was a lie, doctors lied. Seunghyuns looked up to the doctor, his eyes lacking the focus needed to make contact, before they shifter to his mother. Tears were streaming down her face and his heart shattered at the sight.

He hated when his mother cried more than anything in the world.

“What’s the next step, doctor?”

His mother's voice was hesitant. Seunghyun didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to hear the response. The blood rushed to his ears and nothing the doctor said was registering. Mumbles were all he heard as his eyes remained on the tired face of his mother. She didn’t like what the doctor had to say, she squeezed his hand tighter.

Seunghyun was numb to the feeling. Nothing was going through. He was young, he lived life as he should have, why did this happen to him? The same virus that took Charley from him was the same virus that was going to take his own life.

Standing to his feet, he ignored the stares of his mom and the doctor as he walked out of the room. He ignored the calls of his mother as he slowly made his way out of the room and down the white hallways. She wouldn’t follow him, she would know he needed time to process what he was just told.

His shoulders slumped in defeat. He felt lost, so lost.  How was he going to get through this when many people died a day because of it. What if he was one of those people. He didn’t want to die, he wasn’t ready too.

Tears swelled in his eyes as the cool air of the night met his bare arms. He looked up to the sky to see the stars but there was none there. It was too bright in the city to see them.

He walked down the busy streets, mindlessly bumping into people as he crossed their path. His focus remained void as he had no destination. He didn’t know where to go, he didn’t know how to handle the situation.

I'm in love for the first time

Don't you know it's gonna last

His phone vibrated in his pocket at the familiar tone reached his ears.

Jiyong.

Seunghyun bit his lip as he pulled the phone from his pocket, clicking the answer button without greeting the man. Jiyong knew him well, he would instantly know something was wrong with him. Jiyong knew him as well as his mother did.

He listened carefully to the others voice as he hushed whoever he was with. The reason Jiyong hadn’t accompanied him today was because he had made plans with his roommate to study for the test they were having tomorrow.

After the news, Seunghyun probably wasn’t going to class tomorrow.

“Hyung, where are you?”

The man cleared his throat, afraid that his tears would fall if he spoke. The worry in the others tone compelled him to answer but he couldn’t. He squeezed his eyes shut to stop the tears.

“Seunghyun, answer me. Tell me where you are, I’ll come to you.”

He shook his head no, biting his lips together. He didn’t want to interrupt Jiyongs night, he was already going to cause the man stress once he told him about his appointment. Seunghyun wouldn’t be upset if Jiyong left him.

His heart constricted in his chest at the thought. He didn’t want to face this alone. He didn’t want to face this alone. Why was he alone right now, why did he leave the hospital?

“Seunghyun, sweetie, you need to tell me where you are.”

The grip on his phone tightened and his body shook as tears tried to break through. He couldn’t cry, not yet, not in public. He could taste the blood in his mouth by how hard he was biting his lip and he fought to stay on his own two feet. His legs were going numb.

“Did you just leave the hospital? Where’s your mother?”

There was a rustling on the other line and Seunghyun knew instantly that Jiyong was coming to find him. He wouldn’t be able to though, he didn’t have any real idea where he had walked to. He hadn’t thought to pay attention.

“I-” His voice cracked as he looked around, he wasn’t as familiar with the area as he could have been but he vaguely knew where he was. It was where they had their first date. “I’m by Ddorae Orae.”

“Start walking towards the dorms, I’ll meet you halfway.”

He forced his feet to move and kept his head low as the stares of those passing him by became noticeable. Stares of concern, worry, and judgment was evident in every gaze he felt linger on him. He moved a little faster.

“Do you want me to stay on the phone while I make my way to you?”

Jiyongs breathing became heavy as he spoke. He was already outside, walking briskly to find him. Jiyong wouldn’t let him be alone, he wouldn’t let him suffer on his own.

“Baby, you need to talk to me.”

“Yes.” It was choked out but his steps became quicker. His pace increased at the thought of breaking down in the younger man's arms. Even if it was just for tonight. Even if Jiyong decided it was too much and left him stranded. All he wanted was one more night.

The phone stayed pressed to his ears as he listened to the soothing sound of the others breathing. He was running, Seunghun could tell by the increase of breathing. His breaths were becoming labored the more he ran and a cough left his mouth.

The had been walking for 15 minutes before running into each other. Jiyong looked at him once before embracing him in his arms. Seunghyun shook in the embrace as his tears finally started to leak through.

“Let’s get you back to your dorm. I texted your mother to let her know I was coming to get you.”

Jiyong held his hand as he guided Seunghyun down the street. His eyes stayed low and his head hung as his shoulders slumped. He tried to stop the constant sniffles but they wouldn’t stop.

The tears wouldn’t either.  

It took 30 minutes to make it back to his room. Jiyong had fished out the keys from his pockets as his hands hung limply by his side. The feeling he felt while walking to Jiyong left as soon as he saw the other. Numbness had returned.

Jiyong lead him to his bed, tucking him under the covers as he slid by his side. He caressed his hair with one hand while the other wrapped around his neck, pulling him to the chest.

“I have cancer.”

Jiyong halted in his comfort before continuing. Seunghyun allowed the tears to fall and he cried. His heart throbbed in his chest and his head was pounding. He knew that the saliva and his tears were making Jiyongs shirt wet but he didn’t care. He needed to let it out. Jiyong would let him cry.

“It’s lung cancer, stage three.”

Seunghyun ignored the others tense as he continued to clench the others shirt. The doctor said it was progressing quickly and his chances of survival grew slimmer the longer they waited to do something about it.

He wasn’t stupid, he was in medical school. The survival rate was low and with how it was progressing the percent dropped even more. He might not make it to his 25th birthday.

“It’s going to be okay.”

Seunghyun knew the other was crying as his voice shook. It was terrible news that he wished he didn’t have to relay. “Don’t lie to me. Don’t become a doctor that lies to others to make them feel better about a ty situation. I’m going to die.”

Jiyong shushed him as doubt began to take over. “I know it’s hard Seunghyun, but I’ll be with you. Every step of the way until you are cured.”

He wished he could believe it, he really did, but nothing in his mind told him it was true. Jiyong would leave him just like others would when they found out he had cancer. People didn’t want to be around people who would die.

“Stop thinking. Just rest.”

Jiyong left his hair to rub soothing circles on his back. The tears slowed as his eyes loosened. His body became numb as he was lulled into sleep. The stress from the day and the tears had left him drained.

The smaller man hummed into the silence of the room, it served to calm him more. He kept a firm grip on the others shift as his consciousness slowly left him.

He slept through the night.