AN: I Re updated. Sobrang daming typo LOL. Ok na to.

Chapter 84

I saw her again for the first time in years. It’s as if a ghost from the past had resurfaced back from the dead. However, the difference is, she is alive, well and breathing. The person whom reminded me that love is not all about getting what you actually want. That love is not always about successful conclusions and happy endings. That sometimes, we have to let that person go in order to free ourselves from the made up fantasies we built inside our heads.

Alam mo yung, paulit-ulit mo naman sinabi sa sarili mo that you did the right things by walking away? Yung nasasabi mong tama ang ginawa mo kasi mali naman talaga from the get go? Yung all those times, you were just really looking for the right shoe to fit? Akala mo you found the perfect pair but as it turns out, it’s way too big for you lang pala? I’ve mentally conditioned myself, na lahat ng nangyari samin ni Lisa was my karma for falling for her. It was for all the selfish things that I did back then. For wanting to be prioritized so bad. For wanting to be loved so bad. I guess you really do stupid things for love.

Maybe I can admit that in this lifetime, Seulgi was the one that got away and Lisa was my almost but never really had. Yes we dated, yes, we slept on the same bed, but I never really had her heart. It was never mine, she was never mine. I had Seulgi’s but I threw it away like mine mattered more. I really thought back then, I was doing the right thing. Kasi I’ve kept all the bad feeling inside. But that’s where everything went wrong. Kasi akala ko, she’d at least get an idea. Tapos things will change eventually. Pero hindi pala. I should’ve just told her na may problema kami when I had the chance.  I would have been in a different situation. Things would have turned out differently but that’s the part I will never know. Kasi, it never happened. I didn’t give Seulgi a chance, I gave up on us eh.

Kaya when she told me, na okay na siya and that she’s moved on from what happened between us nung magkita kami, a part of me I didn’t know existed, died. Along with the possibilities na baka magkabalikan pa kami after all these time.  Umasa din naman ako ng konti. Wishful thinking, ganon. Na baka naman kahit feint lang, there’s still a chance to make it up to her. Kasi sa sarili ko, I have a lot of making up to do. Pero it’s all too late. Okay na siya eh. Bakit ko pa ipipilit ang sarili ko sakanya? I don’t think I’m selfish enough to ask her to give me, us, a chance again when she said it herself na okay na siya. I’m not going to put her through that.

Meanwhile, Lisa is a lot more different. Kasi she’s everything I hoped to be with. Parang fairytale. Kahit naman friends kami noon, she became like a knight in shining armor who saved me from my self inflicted misery. But how we developed was far from ideal. She was my saviour and my ruin at the same time. Because loving her broke my heart beyond repair. Minahal ko, pero hindi ako ang mahal. Akala ko all those time, siya na talaga ang gusto ko, na siya lang ang kailangan ko, but it broke me everyday when she looked for someone else. Narealize ko nalang, hindi yun ang gusto kong maging buhay with her.

Hindi yun ang gusto kong maging buhay niya sakin. Yung naghihirap siya sa sarili niya without her even realizing that she’s tormenting herself. Without her realizing that she was tormenting me. Because she always loved the same woman. Katulad ng pag asa kong mamahalin niya rin ako baling araw, was the same ng pag asa kong magkakabalikan pa kami ni Seulgi. But it’s not my reality. I guess, I’m just really unlucky when it comes to the matters of the heart. But somehow, I hadn’t lost hope. It’s not like my life’s over anyway.

Masakit lang din talagang harapin yung hard truths mo. It’s a hard pill that you have to swallow forcefully kasi if not now, then when diba? Kaya nga din I’ve agreed to go to this potluck party to make amends. To finally have that closure with everyone na na-involve sa buhay ko. Nakapag usap na kami ni Seulgi. That specific chapter of my life had ended and we both had our final closure. Kahit masakit, at least, makaka move forward na kami ni Seulgi from what happened years ago. Next is Lisa.

I’m very much aware about how things might get awkward pag dating ko dun. Kasi we haven’t been complete in forever. Sobrang tagal nadin ang nakalipas since we got together like this, yung