Chapter 54

“Unnie, sarap ba ex ko?” Tanong ko kay Joohyun. To be honest. I don’t know what came over me. Maybe it’s because nakainom na ko and I was courageous enough not to give a sa mga salitang lumalabas sa bibig ko. I knew it caught her off-guard. I really didn’t mean to be rude. Pero It was a question that had been bugging me noon pa. Pero syempre, who would have thought na itatanong ko talaga yon?

“Huy Mandeukie, chill lang.” Bulong ni Jisoo sakin. “What? Chill lang naman ako, I was just curious kung nasarapan siya.” Sabi ko naman not really caring kung marinig niya o hindi. “Jennie, alam ko naman galit ka sakin, say what you want to say, tatanggapin ko naman.” Sagot ni Joohyun sakin and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Joohyun, what’s the point? If sabihin ko ba yung gusto kong sabihin will that make a difference?” I asked.

“I don't know, hindi ko din naman alam kung mag mamake ng difference if I say I'm sorry." Sabi niya naman sakin. "Are you really sorry though? Because if you are, you wouldnt be with Lisa." Sabi ko naman sakanya.

"Mahirap maintindihan, kasi kahit naman ako, alam ko, it shouldnt have happened. Believe me, hindi ko plinano. It just happened and i failed to stop myself na when everything unfolded sa parking. If it didn't happen baka nga things would be different but, andito na tayo and it already happened." Sabi niya naman.

"Yeah, it happened alright." Wala na akong ibang masabi pa. "Hindi naba tayo talaga magiging okay?" She asked and I couldnt speak. It was so easy for me to forgive Lisa, pero I couldn't do the same for Joohyun. Why? It’s because she knew everything I was going through that time.

Alam niya lahat ng struggles ko. She’s the one who helped me pull my together. She knew how I felt. Nag kukwento siya sakin kapag nagmimeet sila ni Lisa to hang out. Tapos yun pala may nangyayari na. Nagkakadevelopan na pala sila. How am I supposed to be okay with her when I felt so betrayed?

“I trusted you.” I began to speak. “Joohyun, of all people, I didn’t expect it to be you. Akala ko ba sabi mo kailangan ko lang ayusin ang sarili ko for me and para hindi na kami magka problema ni Lisa in the future. Yun naman pala, ikaw ang may balak sa future with her.” I said bluntly.

“Hindi ko naman binalak weather you believe it or not. Pero siguro, ang kasalanan ko dito, is nagustuhan ko siya without even forcing myself to. I didn’t see it coming. I just felt it and I lost control. For that, I’m sorry, my heart took over and I followed it.” Sabi niya naman. “Mahal mo naba?” I asked. “getting there.” Sagot naman niya at hindi ko narin napigilan ang mga luhang pilit kong itinago all these time. I thought I was done crying eh. Akala ko lang pala yun. Masakit palang marinig. Lalo na kapag nalaman mong possible talagang mahalin nila ang isa’t isa. I have to be mature about it.

Oo, may mga bagay akong nasabi na hindi naman talaga necessary na sabihin sakanya. I just couldn’t help myself. Somehow, medyo gumaan ang pakiramdam ko because I was able to finally say what I want to say. I was able to express myself without hesitating. Something I wont be able to do If hindi siguro ako nakainom. Funny how I have to borrow strength from a damn alcohol.

“Getting there pero the minute you find someone interesting baka iwanan mo din. I swear to god Joohyun, if you hurt her, I will hurt you back.” Sabi ko sakanya. “I’m not going to do that Jen, like I said, things just happened between Lisa and I.Hindi naman ako basta basta papasok sa isang bagay kung interesado lang ako. Maraming beses kong pinagisipan yun bago talagang nagka something. When Seulgi and I were still together, wala naman talaga akong balak to tell a soul about sa nangyari in hopes na baka possible na makalimutan din yung mga nangyari eh. Kaso, I couldn’t control the situation, Seulgi already knew something was up. The kiss, was the mistake. It shouldn’t have happened but the rest was my choice. Pumili ako between what’s right for everyone and for me, and I ended up choosing myself. Kung ano sa tingin ko ang magpapasaya sakin.”  She said.

Hindi ko parin naman maintindihan pero I guess people will always have reasons para sa sarili nila. Katulad narin ng mga decision na ginaw