Chapter 80

“Wan!! Bakit mo ginawa yun!” I panicked after Wendy snatched my phone and sent a friend request kay Seulgi. “I just did you a favour! It’s been a while friend, if you really want to make it up kay Seulgi, matagal mo ng ginawa, instead of talking about how much you regret the things that you did whenever you’re drunk!” Sabi sakin ni Wendy.

“Wannie alam mo namang hindi ganun ka-simple yun. I cheated. It wasn’t because sawa na ako sakanya. But it was because I had so many pent up emotions back then, hindi ko na-express when I should’ve. Instead, naghanap ako ng ibang outlet and that was Lisa. Which by the way didn’t end quit well either kasi, I fell in love but that was karma biting me in the for the things that I did.” Sagot ko naman kay Wendy.

“Pero you can’t always live in regret Joohyun. Somehow, you’ve got to learn to forgive yourself sa mga nangyari. Seulgi wasn’t that innocent sa nangyari sa inyo, yes that’s true, and everyone knows that. But that doesn’t mean nga na justifiable yung ginawa mo / niyo ni Lisa because it isn’t. Right now, the right thing to do is to make amends. Reconnect with Seulgi and sabihin mo sakanya yang mga drunk thoughts mo.

Make peace with her. Do this for her and for yourself. Oo, nag usap na kayo before but do you seriously think that’s enough? I’m pretty sure may mga bagay kang gustong sabihin sakanya na hindi mo nasabi before. You wouldn’t be like this if wala. God how long has it been? Four years? Hindi ka parin nagkaka jowa ulit. I don’t know which made a bigger dent sa buhay mo. Yung nagawa m okay Seulgi, o yung one sided love mo okay Lisa.” Sabi naman ni Wendy.

“Both.” Sagot ko.

I know, never naman talagang naging same yung love na nafeel ko with Seulgi and yung love na nafeel ko for Lisa. It has always been different. Because both of them had something I wish I had sa iisang tao lang. Seulgi and I always lived in the now nung kami pa, walang dull moments, just love but we didn’t know where we were going. Walang direction, walang plans, walang security. Our relationship was all based on uncertainty and bahala na. Mahal ko siya, mahal niya ko, pero yun lang. We fell apart, well… I did.

With Lisa naman, we were like an old married comfort who got used sa routine lifestyle. She gave me what I want, and maybe she gave me a little too much of what I want kasi she was trying to forget the fact na hindi naman talaga ako ang mahal niya. She’s trying to build a future with me that would end up crumbling apart in the long run and I don’t think I would survive kung tumagal pa ang relationship naming dalawa where I’d already invested so much feelings para sakanya. The truth is, I was already on my way into getting myself in too deep for her. Kasi, minahal ko naman talaga siya in a short period of time. But as time passed, I realized how much of a mistake that was.

Whirlwind romance as some people like to call it. Everything happened all too fast and the most selfish part of is was I thought I was actually doing the right thing by being with her. Because I got her and she got me. It made sense that time but now that I think about it, it was a complete mistake. Kasi, we were both too broken to think rationally. Instead, we took the easiest way out and that was to be together and make our relationship work that was wrong from the beginning.

I thought, I owe it to myself to be happy nung time na yun and Lisa was given to me as an answer pero hindi pala. It was a problem and I had realized it later. I wish I knew better. But as it turns out, I’m still human, I still make mistakes and I guess, it’s something that I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. But tama si Wendy. Maybe it’s time to make amends sa mga taong nasaktan ko. Sa nag iisang taong wala naman talagang ginawa kundi mahalin ako. Si Seulgi. I didn’t give h