Chapter 71

I had lost it when I saw Tzuyu sa set nila Lisa. It’s as if wherever we go, there seem to be a ghost from Lisa’s past. I know you might think I’m just over reacting. Especially with Tzuyu kasi nothing has been official naman talaga sakanila from the very beginning.

But the very idea of seeing someone who used to like your girlfriend didn’t sit well with me. Especially with what’s been going on lately. I couldn’t handle it and I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I didn’t have an outlet and and it was slowly eating me up inside especially at night when she sleeps and I’m still awake trying to get work done before going to bed.

Yung mga naririning kong lumalabas sa bibig niya while she sleeps hurt. A LOT. The first time it happened, I didn’t put much thought into it kasi afterall, minahal niya naman talaga si Jennie but then it happened again and again and again. And then naisip ko, mahal niya ba talaga ko? Because her inner thoughts says otherwise.

There were times I’d find myself crying because of it and I couldn’t tell her about it kasi if I did, baka she’ll panic or worse, she’ll realize the words she said and eventually leave me. But for how long will I be able to keep this from her? Hanggang kalian ko ba kayang mag tiis? I didn’t sign up for this.

There were times she would ask me what’s wrong pero I couldn’t bring myself to say anything kasi I’m afraid. There were times the pain was just too much and I don’t even realize I was already holding my breath everytime she’d look at me. There were times where her touches felt painful because I knew it was not me she was longing for.

I couldn’t help but think. Is this karma coming back for me? Is it because I chose to be free and love someone else? Bakit ganito? I thought when I chose Lisa, that was me surrendering my cards on the table. Ending my pain and welcoming the possibilities of loving someone more than I’ve ever loved before. I didn’t know this was me welcoming my greatest heartache.

“Bakit ka nagkakaganito? Okay naman tayo kanina?” Lisa asked as she got in the car with me. Yet again I choked. I couldn’t say anything. Afraid sa mga possibilities ng pwede niya sabihin sakin. I’ve developed fear that I’ve never felt before. Something I didn’t expect I’d ever have. Of course, may takot naman talaga ako, don’t get me wrong. But this one was different. It was directed specifically to Lisa.

Natatakot akong mawala siya sakin eh. Natatakot akong magsawa siya, natatakot ako nab aka magising nalang siya isang araw and she would remember everything that she says while she’s fast sleep. I’ve never hated anything as simple as sleep talking in my entire life. It was something I never saw coming kahit pa alam ko noon pa how she feels about Jennie. It’s just that, sinabi niya saking mahal niya ko and I believed it.

“Masama lang pakiramdam ko, uwi na tayo.” I answered and she sighed. “Lagi ka nalang ganyan, ano bang problema mo? Bakit hindi ka nagsasabi sakin? Hindi ka okay eh. Ang hindi ko lang maintindihan kung bakit? Si Tzuyu, sinabi ko naman diba? I had no idea na siya yung talent. Nalaman ko nalang nung andito na ko. We didn’t even talk.” Sabi naman ni Lisa sakin.

I couldn’t blame her confusion, I would be too if ako yung nasa position niya. She was so clueless of the things that have been happening and that’s what’s wron