March 21, 2014

Graduation Day

Lili,

Matagal na din pala since I wrote you one of these letters. I think now is the perfect time para gawan ka ulit ng ganito. Naaalala mo pa ba nung nag outing tayo nila Byul dati tapos apat lang tayong natuloy? I think it's one of those moments where I realized you're someone I'd probably have a hard time forgetting. I never told you but I actually applied to other universities back then. It's just that, I don't have the heart to be away from you, my bestfriend.

You were the only person that was there for me when I had no one. You became my friend and you always took care of me. Something that I might've taken for granted to be honest. Kasi nasanay akong lagi kang andiyan, nasanay akong sakin lang ang atensyon mo, nasanay akong ako lang. Naging madamot ako pag dating sayo. Pakiramdam ko kasi, kapag may nakilala kang bago, baka marealize mo na hindi naman pala ako worth it, yung friendship natin, yung company ko, yung memories natin, baka makalimutan mo kasi someone would come along and treat you better than I ever did.

It wasn't even that big of a deal back then kasi random thoughts lang yun. Something that I thought my paranoid mind just tells me pero I keep telling to myself na hindi naman mangyayari yun kasi solid tayong dalawa. But then again, in this life, lahat nagbabago. Kahit naman halos sabay na tayong lumaki, it's inevitable that things will still change and there's a lot of scary things that'll come in our way. One of those scary things were me finding out that my bestfriend was in love with me and me realizing how madly in love I am with her. with you, Lisa. 

I never really thought I'd love anyone like this. I used to think those previous heartbreaks I experienced before were going to be the end of me when my exes bails or cheats. I never thought there's anything more painful than that. I never did, until you left me. I didn't realize how extremely painful it was to lose a bestfriend and a lover all at once. To lose someone over the decisions I made because I thought it was for the best. I'm sorry for hurting you. For not trusting you enough to confide in you nung mga times na nahihirapan ako sa situation natin. I should have know you were going to be there for me. But I took things in my own hands. Akala ko kasi, kaya kong ayusin without worrying you. But I ended up losing you.

It's my biggest regret, believe m