Chapter 69

Matagal tagal nadin talaga kami hindi nagkita nitong nila Lisa. Kung tutuusin, kung hindi siguro namin nakilala ni Solar si Seulgi sa SoKor, kung hindi siguro siya nag kwento tungkol sa buhay niya, baka talagang wala na kaming naging balita sa kanila. After kasi naming grumaduate ng highschool, Solar and I didn’t take interest sa kung anong uso those days.

Komportable nadin kasi kami kung anong meron kami, yung kaming dalawa lang. Which has it’s downsides too kasi nga and ending, hindi na kami updated sa kung ano ng nangyari sa buhay buhay ng mga kaibigan namin. Hindi naman din kasi sila madami if I were being honest. Nung mga highschool kasi kami, outcasts na kami ni Solar. May sariling mundo, sariling lakad, sariling everything. It was as if we’ve secluded ourselves para saming dalawa lang. Pero syempre meron din naman excemptions, katulad nga nila Lisa at Jennie. Classmates namin sila mula nung first year highschool hanggang nung maging seniors na kami.

Hindi pa kasi uso non ang K-12 program kaya ganun parin ang academic terms back then. Anyways, knowing Lisa and Jennie, they were inseprerable. Parang kami lang ni Solar kaya noon palang I kind of knew na isa talaga sakanila madedevelop ang feelings and I wasn’t wrong. It was Lisa who fell first. Hindi mo rin naman din masisisi dahil grabe naman ang friendship nilang dalawa back then, parang sila na hindi. Nagkaroon lahat ng issues ang mga naging boyfriends ni Jennie with Lisa kasi the boyfriend was never the priority. Pag kailangan si bestfriend, support yung isa.

Whenever may games, competitions, school events, Jennie was always present sa lahat ng activities ni Lisa and it was the same with Lisa. Lagi siyang nandoon kahit na mas maraming audience si Jen because of the boyfriend and because marami talagang nagkaka crush sakanya noon. PInag pustahan pa nga namin ni Solar ang dalawang yan, nauwi din naman sa wala kasi hindi sila nagkadevelopan, pero it happened nung wala na kaming communication so I guess, my suspicion was real all these time.

Hindi naman talaga ako yung tipong mahilig makielam sa buhay ng ibang tao. It’s just that, I knew both of them a little to well para isipin na ganun nalang ang nangyari sa kanya. Sayang in so many ways. Yung friendship at yung pinagsamahan nila. Kaya biglang bigla ako when Lisa told me the story kasi parang hindi ako makapaniwalang sumuko nalang siya ng ganon, knowing na sobrang dami na nilang pinag daanan, ang layo na ng narrating ng relationship nila, nag level up big time tapos because of one mistake, nasira ang lahat.

I’m not invalidating anyone’s feelings per se. Meron din naman talagang hangganan ang lahat. Merong limits at kung hanggang san lang ang kaya mo ibigay. I guess nasasayangan lang ako talaga. Something just didn’t sit right with me when she talked about Jennie and when she talked about Joohyun, which I’d never met. Nakita ko sa picture, maganda naman talaga, I just haven’t met her in person.

Hindi ko alam kung dahil marami lang talagang nagbago, at talagang gusto niya na si Joohyun or if it’s because she’s masking herself away from the fact na gusto pa naman nya talagang balikan si Jennie, it’s just that masyadong nasaktan yung tao from my point of view. Hindi matanggap na hindi siya priniority above all things as selfish as it may sound, it’s possible to feel resentment towards a person na mahal na mahal mo to a point na kaya mo ibigay ang lahat. I feel like ganun ang nangyari kay Lisa.

Kahit pa gano mo kasi kamahal ang isang tao, dadating ka sa point na mararamdaman mo nalang ayaw mo na kasi nasagad kana. Lahat ng pagpapasensya mo, lahat ng pag iintindi mo, lahat ng pagmamahal mo, maiinvalidate all because you weren’t the priority when it’s supposed to be you and worse, may lalaking involved. Every lesbians insecurity wheater you choose to believe it or not.

Kapag lalaki na kasi ang katapat mo, you’ll end up on the losing side. Because the society accepts two people of the different es. Because it’s easier and because one can simply have it easy when on the other hand, we as gay people struggle for equality. Kahit pa it’s the new age na, when it comes to uality, hindi parin talaga fully accepted sa society. Especially sa country na to where gays and lesbians are frowned upon and treated as third class citizens.

I would imagine she felt insulted and degraded nung nagkaboyfriend ulit si Jennie. It don’t really matter kung beard lang yung guy. The fact is, pumayag padin siya to have a relationship with him. Mahirap man yung sitwasyon nila back then because of Jennie’s parents, all of it could have been prevented only if the communication was open. But I guess it wasn’t.

It doesn’t matter kung gano mo kamahal yung tao. Hindi naman kasi tayo parepareho ng approach when it comes to the matters of the heart. Lahat tayo may kanya-kanyang opinion sa mga bagay-bagay. Lahat tayo, may kanya-kanyang approach sa mga problema natin.  Kami kasi ni Solar, we’re literally open books. Pati cycle ng poop naming alam na naming sa sobrang openness namin. Minsan too much, but it works fo