Chapter 74

The Lost Rabbit

Leaving Lisa was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever did. But at the same time, it was also for the best. I almost didn’t imagine myself letting her go just like that pero what do I do? She will never love me the way she loves Jennie. I guess mali din to compare eh. Because you can never really love someone on the same level.

Just like how I’ve loved Seulgi differently than how I’ve loved Lisa. There wil always be a difference and it was wrong of me to find kung anong kulang sa akin sa isang taong kulang din ang sarili.  Half-assed love as you may call it. I wonder though, if something like that ever worked.

The minute I stepped out of that apartment, feeling ko my world fell apart. I never would have thought na ako pala ang susuko sa relationship naming. Kasi somehow, at the back of my head, I would’ve expected Lisa to be the first one to bail in case mauntog siya at marealize niyang hindi naman talaga ako. But that never happened. I don’t think she’ll ever realize na si Jennie naman talaga ang mahal niya and that would’ve tormented us for a long time if I didn’t react the way it did.

I didn’t think I’d be able to handle more nights where she’d call out her name, like a delirious person who’s unconscious on the outside but screaming on the inside. I didn’t think I’d be able to look at her the same way habang ibang babae naman ang hinahanap niya deep within. I didn’t want to resent her. Pero I did, because she was willing to stay with me to mask her true feelings.

When I met her highschool friends months ago. Si Solar and si Moonbyul. I thought kahit sila, alam din nila na make believe lang lahat ng meron kami ni Lisa. Of course, I chose to look past it nung una. Kasi malay mo nga naman eventually, mag work kami. Kaso hindi naman ganun ang nangyari. It had become worse and I wish I knew better. Lagi naman atang ganun, kapag na reach mo na yung limit mo, dun mo lang marerealize how wrong you are and how you could’ve dealt with the situation better.

I’ve also heard na kasama nila si Seulgi sa SoK