Chapter 35

It’s been a few weeks ever since Lisa and I hung out alone together. Our communication abruptly stopped and she didn’t confide in me anymore. It was for the best. Both of us didn’t know how to deal with what happened that night. I thought, it shouldn’t be brought up anymore. It was a mistake.

It was that time when Lisa tried shutting everyone out of her life. She needed time para sa sarili niya and for some reason, she’d open up to me and only me. We’ve developed a real friendship in the midst of her first real heartbreak.

Pinupuntahan ko siya and I would tell her what’s up. Kung anon a ang mga nangyayari and so on.Then dumating kami sa point where I’d go to her after ng internship because she was a lot closer sa work place ko than Seulgi. We’d talk endlessly, about things we haven’t talked about before.

She had many stories to tell and I laughed a lot sa mga kwento niya. One time, We drank, sa may veranda ng place na pinag s-stayan niya.  Seulgi was with her parents nung panahon na yon so I had a lot of time in my hands that day. We both didn’t have any work the next day so napag decidan namin to unwind and drink.

the night was beautiful, we were talking about the future, our frustrations, our problems, yung mga what ifs naming sa buhay and what we’ll do if we didn’t choose the paths we took. Hopes and dreams, yung mga bagay na gusto naming ma achieve, yung mga expectations namin and all that jazz.

I learned a lot about her, and I finally get why Jennie had it bad for Lisa. She was definitely someone you’d want to have a relationship with. Ideal, may plano sa buhay and looked forward sa future. I felt somehow drawn to it. I don’t want to sound selfish, pero magkaibang magkaiba sila ni Seulgi.

With Seulgi, there are no dull moments, with her, what matters is the now. We live in the now and then tomorrow, is another one. We don’t have plans para sa future, which made me nervous kasi parang wala naman siyang balak to live together. I don’t know if it’s just me, pero we never talked about it. I was afraif of bringing it up kasi alam kong pag aawayan lang namin. It was unnecesary.

I remembered that one time when we talked about kung anong trabaho ang papasukan naming dalawa after college. She said she wanted to try mag overseas because of the growing opportunities abroad rather dito sa pinas where most are underpaid and overworked. I didn’t blame her one bit pero my heart ached when she didn’t ask me what I wanted to do.

If she did, I’d probably say I want to be where she is. But she didn’t ask. She got so distracted sa gusto niyang gawin and then would say bahala na in the end. She would change the topic as if hindi naming to pinag usapan. My future was uncertain with Seulgi. She was outgoing, sociable and  free-spirited. I was not, in the slightest.

Kaya siguro I became vulnerable hearing Lisa’s plans. Yung mga gusto niyang gawin with Jennie, yung mga gusto niyang maexperience in the future, I felt jealous Jennie had an amazing woman right before her and nangyari yung nangyari sakanila because of the ty circumstances.

I wished Seulgi was a little more like Lisa. Somehow. May plano sa buhay kahit may pagka sira ulo din katulad ni Seul. We drank and we drank until we downed the entire bottle of cognac, I felt the buzz come through na din kaya I leaned my head on Lisa’s shoulders. After nun, I just felt her arm na umakbay sakin to scoot me closer to her. “Lasing kana no?” Natatawa niyang sabi.

“Hello, dalawa lang kaya tayo uminom, san ba