Chapter 63

It’s been a few weeks since Solar reached out to me. I never really saw it coming if I’m being honest. Buong akala ko kasi, Solar and Moonbyul are one of those people na part nalang ng memory ko when we were younger. Since mag college kasi kami, nawala na ang communication namin. To think na hindi din naman sila keen on using social media accounts. They are today’s hippies in my opinion.

Pero, as if a miracle happened, bigla nalang nagparamdam tong si Solar one day. I found out na meron na pala silang facebook and isa lang sila ng account na ginagamit ni Moonbyul. Sabi niya, they found my account through Lisa’s “friend list”. They told me then na uuwi sila the following month and they would love to see me again. Sabi din nila they couldn’t get a hold of Lisa through messenger kaya she asked me to try and get a hold of Lisa and tell her about the gathering sa Coconut club.

She and I haven’t really talked since nung outing namin. It was probably for the best na we didn’t kasi, it seems like, everytime nagkakasama kami, lagi nalang nagkakaroon ng issue and I honestly didn’t want to deal with the drama anymore. I’ve had a lot ever since mag hiwalay kami.

I did things I never imagined I’d be doing just because I love the woman too much. I begged like I’ve never begged before and swallowed my pride. Wala akong napala though, I can’t believe I told her I’d wait five years for her. If she didn’t stop me, can you imagine what my life would be right now? I’d probably be miserable as hell. So I guess, I have to thank her din in a way, for sparing me. Siya lang naman talaga ang nakakakilala sakin fully. I may never get her back as my girlfriend pero part of me hoped somehow, I’ll get her back as my bestfriend.

I couldn’t deny the fact na may pinagsamahan naman kami talaga. Time heals wounds. Hindi lang natin alam kung kelan. In my case, I hope sooner. Pagod narin kasi ako to think about the what ifs. Lately naman, I’ve occupied myself with travelling and it helped a lot. It helped me appreciate the things that I have and the things I don’t. I’ve been a lot more carefree than not and of course, hindi pa naman dun tumitigil ang journey ko.

My most recent trip was Paris. I remember talking about it with Lisa before kasi isa yun sa mga bucket list ko. Makapunta ng Paris and to have dinner while overlooking at the great Eiffel tower. I made it, I crossed it off my list but there was one thing I wasn’t able to do. Kiss the one you love beneath the tower. Syempre, for obvious reasons, hindi naman nangyari. But maybe someday. Who knows diba? I don’t dwell too much anymore sa mga nangyari sakin in the past. I mean, I still think about it from time to time, yun nga lang, it doesn’t hurt as much as it did before. I guess you can call it moving on na because it don’t feel the same as before anymore.

I mean, sure, I still love Lisa. Hindi naman agad agad nawawala yun as I’ve said before, it’s just that, I wasn’t in pain anymore and I can actually look back now and laugh about my patheticness before. Believe it or not, I even got a keychain for Lisa from Paris. I got that Eiffel miniature from the souvenir shop na nadaanan ko before going home. Kahit naman hindi na kami ganun nagkakasama like before, I still knew things about her. She wanted to travel to Paris din. It was a plan we had before pero siyempre since things changed, malamang we won’t be doing it together anymore.

When I arrived to the Manila, Chahee picked me up from the airport. Sabi ko actually, mag g-grab nalang ako. She insisted to pick me up since wala naman siyang work that day. We hang out a lot whenever I’m home. Surprisingly, marami din pala kaming things in common. We both enjoy shopping and we both have the same taste in music. It’s just that, I don’t really see her as a girlfriend material for me. Maybe not now. Pero, I don’t expect her to wait for a long time, kasi hindi pa naman ako ready talaga to be in a relationship.

She was honest when she told me she likes me, hindi naman din siya mapilit kahit medyo makulit minsan, she’s harmless and I enjoy hanging out with her kapag hindi niya binibring up yung topic about “us”. Kasi okay naman siya talaga as a friend. Yun nga lang, for me, hanggang dun lang talaga. I didn’t want to keep her hopes up. Kasi natututo na ko.

Dati kasi talaga, para akong jumper. I get into relationships faster than a speeding bullet. I guess part of me didn’t really like the feeling of being alone kasi my whole life has been like that starting from my parents, who aren’t present most of the time. I guess I looked for love and comfort in the arms of someone who can give it to me, one after another, I’ve been so busy looking for someone without realizing na oo nga pala, I had my bestfriend all those times. I was never alone. Funny how the world works lang talaga because now, I’m learning how to be on my own. Yung tipong, making yourself happy without really seeking for validation from others and I was getting there even if I’ve been missing a certain someone, I’ve accepted that it had to be this way.

“May plano ka later? Hang out tayo?” Tanong ni Chahee. “Actually, meron, may get together ako with old friends. I’m meeting them for dinner later.” Sabi ko naman. “Ay ganun ba, sige. Pwede ba kita ihatid sa pupuntahan mo? Sino kasama mo? Sila Chaeng?” She asked. “Hindi, I’m