Chapter 57

If there’s one thing na narealize ko when it comes to love, yun ay ang kapasidad mong magparaya para sa mahal mo. Ang kapasidad mong makuntento sa kung anong meron ka kahit alam mo sa sarili mong kulang pa. It’s like me with Joy and Jennie with Lisa.

It was not unknown naman na mahal parin talaga ni Jennie si Lisa. She may not talk about it anymore, she may not cry about it now, but we knew, it’s Lisa and will always be her. Ewan ko din ba dito sa kaibigan ko, sabi niya kasi hindi na siya aasa and she’ll just focus on her self. Mag tatravel daw siya to explore and find herself.

Hindi ko rin alam kung anong nakain ni Lisa that she ended up with Joohyun eh, sa totoo lang, sobrang unexpected talaga. She was so in love with Jennie and same with Joohyun, she was so in love with Seulgi. Hindi ko lubos masukat kung papaanong nagkaganon. Siguro pag talagang napapagod na tayo magbigay, sumusuko nalang yung puso natin bigla without a warning. Nakakatakot isipin na kahit gano mo kamahal ang isang tao, kapag napagod kana, nagiging matigas ang puso natin.

Isa yun sa mga bagay na kinakatakot ko. Kasi baka mangyari din sakin yun. As much as I love Joy, sobrang daming red flags sa relationship namin. I’ve always had this idea about loving, yung tipong wala ka ng hihilingin pang iba, that cloud nine feeling, parang fairytale in reality lang but I guess, I expected too much because everything seem so temporary.

Nag away nanaman kami ni Joy because she wanted to bring Sungjae sa outing namin nila Lisa. Nag aya kasi sila na mag beach bago kami mag focus lahat sa adult lives namin. Too bad nga lang wala si Seulgi, we would have been complete because Jennie will come with us. Buti nalang din at nakilala niya si Chahee. They’ve been hanging a lot lately kasi from what I’ve heard.

The possibilities of them being in a relationship in the future? Baka? Pwede. Either way, hindi naman ako ang makakapag sabi nun kundi si Jennie. I’m just happy na may kasama siya at the very least she won’t feel out of place most especially with Joohyun and Lisa being together, naalala ko lang yung nangyari nung grad ball, sobrang nakonsensya ako because Jennie ended up crying so bad nung time na yun. I remembered comforting her sa restroom after nilang mag usap ni Lisa. Dun ko nakita how bad it was and how Jennie felt. She was broken beyond repair and it’s because she loved.

I remembered talking to Jisoo about it. Kung pano namin mapapasaya si Jennie. I remembered kung pano ko gustong magalit kela Lisa sa nangyari. But at the same time, hindi ko din sila masisi eh. Parepareho lang silang nasaktan in a sense.

Ngayon, I’m actually proud of Jennie. Hindi man obvious sa iba, pero sobrang laki na ng pinagbago niya compared before. I guess love and pain can change a person talaga. She grew up. Yun nga lang, hindi biro ang pinag daanan niya to get where she is. I don’t think she’s half way being happy kung tatanungin mo ako.  

She just handles things a lot better now because she began to understand how love works. Or maybe she just learned how to tolerate things without falling apart. Either way, everyones moving forward maliban nalang sakin kasi pakiramdam ko naabsorb ko lahat ng masasamang nangyari sa mga kaibigan ko and Joy and I have been fighting a lot lately because of one certain guy.

“Pumayag ka nalang kaya na isama niya yun? Para may taga buhat tayo ng mga gamit saka mauutusan.” Suggestion ni Jisoo. “Edi kapag sinama ko yun, puro Sungjae nanaman. Wala na ngang time sakin diba.” Sagot ko naman. “Eh wala na palang time edi hiwalayan mo.” Sabi niya naman.

“Lamo di ka nakakatulong. Kala ko pa naman kaibigan kita.” Sagot ko naman. “Eh kesa mag inarte ka diyan, either pumayag ka na isama niya yung kababata niya o hiwalayan mo kung di ka masaya sa relationship niyo.” Sabi niya naman sakin at inirapan ko nalang din siya. “Mahal mo na siguro si Joy no kaya di mo mabitawan.” Panunukso naman ng animal. “Alam mo puta ka. Dami mong alam.” Naiinis kong sagot sakanya.

“Hindi ka mag rereact ng ganyan kung di mo mahal. Aminin mo kasi nag seselos ka dun sa kababata niya.” Sabi naman ni Jisoo. “Di ko alam kung mahal ko na” Sabi ko naman. “Ngek, eh yun naman pala edi papiliin mo kung ikaw o yung kababata. Kung hindi ikaw pinili edi good riddance, save your heart habang di ka pa sigurado sakanya.” Sabi naman ni Jisoo and it made sense.

Ang ending naman, hindi na pinilit ni Joy na isama si Sungjae sa outing namin. But this is where everything gets interesting. Yung mga nangyari sa Batangas. Tanginang yan, di ko na kailangan manood ng pelikula sa sobrang daming ganap sa buhay ng mga kaibigan ko.

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