Seoul, South Korea – September 30, 2016

LEE JIYEON | AYAKA

      “Close your eyes, shut your heart. Be deaf for now, don’t feel anything and please be numb.” I don’t know why Myung said those words but I just found myself doing what he said. I closed my eyes, shut my heart out of the world, heard nothing but the constant beating of Myung’s heart, and right there, I felt right—I felt nothing. And after some seconds, I finally had the strength to break from Myung’s hug.

      “Yah, Kim Myungsoo!” I shouted but he just hugged me tighter, causing me to lean against his chest.

      “Stay still,” he breathed, “Let’s stay like this for a minute or two.” He mumbled as he continued to hug me.

      And right now, I’m just completely dumbfounded. I mean, what was he doing?!

      “Yah!” I shouted again and finally, after some seconds, he finally let go, “Are you crazy?! What was that for?” I asked when he let go.

      He just smirked at me and shrugged, “You owe me that,” he exclaimed which I didn’t get what he meant, “Treat me ice cream, yeah?” he winked as he continued walking.

      “Jiyeon-ah!”

      I was about to follow Myungsoo when someone called my name. I turned around and saw Gayoung running towards me. The moment I saw her, I quickly avoided her but Myung blocked my way.

      “Ji, I guess it’s time for you to talk to Gayoung.” He exclaimed, “She’s your bestfriend too and she deserves to know the truth.” He told me.

      Gayoung finally reached our place as she smiled at Myung.

      “Thanks Myung,” she smiled.

      “You guys talk and then go back to your classes. I’ll get going now,” he smiled and left.

      “H-hey Gayoung,” I smiled awkwardly as I scratched the back of my head.

      “We’re going somewhere,” Gayoung told me as she put her arms around my shoulders.

      “What?” I asked, surprised, “We have class,” I muttered.

      “We’re going to cut classes,” Gayoung winked.

      “What?!” I asked, surprised.

      Gayoung rolled her eyes heavenwards and glared at me, “Stop acting like this is your first time cutting classes.” She nagged.

      Gayoung and I went to the nearest café through her car and decided to chill there. It’s weird to think that I am here with Gayoung, cutting classes. I mean, Gayoung always puts her studies first before anything else. The only time she goes clubbing is whenever she’s done with school stuffs and when she’s free. But right now, she cut classes just so we can talk. We went inside the café, got our orders and settled at the seat by the window. As soon as we sat down, she started interrogating me.

      “Where the heck have you been these past few days?” she asked as she folded her arms.

      “Woah,” I chuckled nervously, “You’re asking me questions as soon as we sat down?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood, “Can we atleast drink what we ordered?” I asked.

      “Don’t dodge the question, Lee Jiyeon.” She muttered, not even blinking.

      “I’m always with Myung,” I answered, half-lying, “You know that.” I exclaimed.

      “Of course I know,” she muttered, rolling her eyes in annoyance, “But please explain to me why the heck you’re avoiding me! I’m your friend, for Pete’s sake Jiyeon.” She nagged.

      I sighed and surrendered, “I already told you,” I muttered, “I will go with you when you stop hanging out with the guys.” Guys, I mean Chanyeol, Sehun and Kai.

      “That’s the point!” she exclaimed, irritated, “Why are you even avoiding them? They didn’t do anything crazy, right?” she asked, “Besides, I know that you’re just avoiding Kai and not the whole gang.” She added.

      Argh, I’m cornered. I can’t really talk my way out when I’m with Gayoung but I really need to try and lie right now. Gayoung is starting to warm up to the guys and I’m happy for her so I don’t want to tell her my problem.

      “What?” I asked, “No! Of course not,” I lied.

      “Really?” she asked as she cocked her brow, “If you’re not really avoiding Kai then fine, I guess I can’t make you tell me. But let me tell you this Ji,” she sighed as she looked me in the eyes, “You’re losing Chanyeol, Sehun… and Kai. You’re losing them one by one.” She muttered that left me confused. What is she even talking about? “Sooyeon’s back on track.”

      Sooyeon’s what?

      “W-what do you mean?” I asked, confused.

      “Sooyeon started talking to Sehun, Yeol and Kai. I guess those four had a great time last night. I heard they went clubbing together with Sooyeon.” She informed me.

      I don’t know but I suddenly felt a painful tug in my heart. Just thinking about Kai and Sooyeon together, just breaks my heart. ‘What ifs’ started evading my head and I couldn’t help but to feel hurt. I know that I don’t have any right to get hurt because first of all, I don’t own Kai and what’s between us is only a fake relationsip but I just couldn’t help but to feel hurt and broken.

      “B-better,” I stuttered, “I’m just a big hindrance between them anyway.” I exclaimed as I told her the facts, “The only thing I want to happen right now is for Kai and Sooyeon to get back together.” I lied, and deep inside, I can hear my heart breaking, and I was there… losing my breath.

      “What are you saying?” Gayoung asked, “I thought you like Kai?” she added.

      “Yeah,” I answered absentmindedly, “That’s why I’m choosing to let him go.” I sighed as I felt a drop of tear fall into my lap, “I’m letting him get his happiness.”

      “You shouldn’t think like that!” Gayoung exclaimed, almost shouting, “Why can’t you be a little bit selfish?! Why can’t you think about your own happiness?” she asked, frustrated.

      “I don’t want to be selfish Gayoung!” I exclaimed, “I want Kai to find his happiness that he lost because of his father.” I added, “And for me, I would be fine… just not now but probably someday.”

      “Argh,” she exclaimed, frustrated, “I don’t really know what I’m going to do with you.” She told me, shaking her head.

      “Just let me be,” I mumbled.

      She stared at me and whispered under her breath, “If you just know…” good thing that the café was quiet so I was able to catch what she said.

      I asked her, “If I just know what?”

      Gayoung stared at me, looking at me and I know that she wanted to tell me things but I just can’t decipher what she wanted to say.

KIM JONGIN | KAI

      It has been a week since Ayaka and I have been avoiding each other. It has been a week of torture. I mean, it’s just really hard for me to avoid her and pretend that I hate her because seriously, what I want to do right now is to just walk up to her and apologize even though there’s nothing to be sorry about. Also, many things happened these past few days. Sooyeon went to the club with me and the boys last night. I actually didn’t know that she would be there and I was shocked when I went to the club and saw her together with Chanyeol and Sehun. Chanyeol said that she walked up to them and asked if she could join. Of course, those two can’t turn down a girl so they agreed. We drank in the club, danced and forgot our problems and I also had the chance to talk to Sooyeon. But I don’t know why but I suddenly felt awkward towards her, which is weird because I never really get awkward with her… but now, it’s just awkward.

      “Hey barnacle head, we’re in the cafeteria. Where are you?”

      This is actually the message that I received from Sehun so here I am, on my way to the cafeteria to meet my friends. I arrived at the cafeteria and went to our spot but I was shocked to see someone here. I saw Sooyeon laughing together with Chanyeol and Sehun, while Gayoung was there, glaring at Sooyeon. I don’t know why but I suddenly found myself leaving the cafeteria but it was too late when Sehun called me.

      “There you are!” Sehun exclaimed.

      I shook my head and turned back. I looked back at them and saw them wearing their happy faces… well, except from Gayoung.

      “Come on, let’s eat altogether.” Chanyeol smiled.

      “Hi Kai,” Sooyeon smiled at me as she tucked her hair at the back of her ear.

      “H-hey,” I greeted awkwardly.

      “Since Kai is here, we should eat now.” Sehun exclaimed, “We’ve been waiting for you for ages.” He added.

      “I-I actually forgot something,” I lied. I actually doesn’t want to be here, I don’t know why but it just makes me feel awkward, “I’ll be right back.” I told them and I quickly ran out.

      When I reached the hallway, I was shocked when I saw Sooyeon walking towards me. Did she follow me?

      “Kai!” she called.

      I turned to her and she was smiling sweetly at me, “A-ah, yes?” I asked.

      “I’ll go with you.” She smiled.

      Go with me? What is she talking about? I don’t really want to be with her right now because everything is just so awkward. Because at the back of my head, I am anxious that Ayaka might see us together. I mean, Ayaka might get angrier with me than she already is.

      “Oh, no need.” I smiled awkwardly, “I can get it myself.” I answered.

      I avoided the look in her eyes but I was shocked when she held my hand.

      “Please Kai,” she muttered, “I don’t know why you’re suddenly feeling awkward towards me but… I just want us to be what we were before we became a couple.” She told me, “I want us to be friends again.”

      I looked at Sooyeon and she was smiling at me genuinely. And the look in her eyes was something that I couldn’t turn down.

      “O-okay…” I answered back as I smiled forcefully.

      “Thank you.” She told me and I just nodded.

      After that, we went to my locker room and I pretended to get something just so she won’t suspect that I was just lying a moment ago.

      “I-I forgot my notes,” I mumbled and Sooyeon just smiled at me.

      After getting one notebook from my locker, Sooyeon and I decided to go back to the cafeteria. It was really awkward as we walked together. No one was talking and we were just walking together. As we were walking, Sooyeon finally broke the ice.

      “I’m really thankful that we’re friends again Kai.” Sooyeon exclaimed happily, “I mean, I know it’s awkward for you especially last night.” She chuckled as she scratched her head, “I hope we can go back to the way we were.” She muttered.

      I smiled at her and nodded, “Don’t worry, we can always be friends.”

      I don’t actually mind me and Sooyeon being friends but I was shocked when she suddenly hugged me.

      “I’m really thankful.” She muttered but I was quick to push her away.

      As I pushed her away, I saw how her eyes expressed her disappointment towards my actions.

      “I-I’m sorry,” I muttered as I started walking past by her but I was shocked when I saw someone in the hallway.

      I stared at her flawless back and I know she’s Ayaka… my Ayaka but seeing her right now that breaks my heart. I saw her getting hugged by Myungsoo. I looked at Myungsoo and I can feel the daggers that he was sending me through his glares.

      “Kai!” I heard Sooyeon shouted as she approached me.

      “Go back Sooyeon.” I told her, my voice cold.

      I stared back at the place of Myungsoo and Ayaka. I couldn’t help but to feel the anger building inside my mind. I don’t know why but I’m suddenly enraged.

      Lee Jiyeon, what are you doing to my emotions?

John 14:12 - Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father.