Seoul, South Korea – September 23, 2016

KIM JONGIN | KAI

      It has been almost a week since Yeri’s birthday and I don’t know why, but Ayaka has been avoiding me ever since that day. She wakes up earlier than usual, she goes to school with Kim freaking Myungsoo, she goes home with that guy too and completely ignores me at home. I don’t know if this has to do with me, leaving her alone in the party but she knows very well that I was dragged forcefully. I even left my friends as soon as they let go of me to search for her. And when I found her, her eyes were bloodshot and it seems like she cried. I asked her what happened but she was quick to brush me off. She asked me to leave early because she’s not feeling well, after that, she locked herself the whole time. I apologized but she just ignored me, telling me that it wasn’t my fault. I’m really worried about her and I am dying to know what happened that night but she just won’t talk to me but also, I’m kind of pissed right now because of her actions and I couldn’t stand this anymore so today, I decided to go back home without telling her. I know that it’s very childish but I feel invisible in their home especially whenever hyung and noona is not around which is very often.

      I’m actually here in the cafeteria alone since as I’ve said, Ayaka has been ignoring me and I don’t have anyone to spend the lunch with but her.

      “Kai!” someone called.

      I looked up and saw Sehun, Chanyeol and Gayoung altogether.

      “What?” I asked.

      All of them sat in front of me—which is I’m grateful for—while Gayoung just gave me her ‘please-explain’ look that confused me.

      “What?” I asked her.

      “What’s wrong with you and Jiyeon?” she asked, with her eyebrow raised.

      So they also noticed that, huh? I guess it wasn’t just me.

      “If you would ask me, I’ll tell nothing.” I answered, “But I don’t know if she’s got issues with me.” I added.

      “Oh yeah?” Gayoung asked, “She told me that she doesn’t want to come with me if I’m going to be with Yeol or Sehun since she knows that you’re going to be there too.”

      If I wasn’t so shocked with what Ayaka said, I would’ve pointed out how Gayoung called Chanyeol, ‘Yeol’ but I was too shocked to give a about that.

      “She said that?!” I asked, fuming.

      “Yeah,” Gayoung nodded, “so I thought you know the reason why she said that.” She muttered, “Did you guys got into a fight?” she asked but I ignored it.

      “,” I burst out, “I need to talk to her.” I stood up and searched for Ayaka.

      Seriously, what’s wrong with her? First she’s ignoring me, and now she’s avoiding me?! What did I do to her to receive such treatment from her?! I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. Is it anger? But no, I can’t get angry with Ayaka. She’s too good to get angry at. I guess, I’m just really disappointed with what she said to Gayoung. After minutes of searching for her, I finally saw her at the gymnasium, together with L Kim and it seems like they are having a pretty good time.

      “Lee Jiyeon, I need to talk to you.” I muttered as soon as I reached their place.

      I saw how surprised Ayaka was but she was quick to brush it off and showed me that she doesn’t have any interest to what I’m about to say. The face that she just showed was the exact same face when we first met in Japan… it seems like she’s looking at a stranger. I don’t know why but I suddenly felt a stab in my heart when she looked straight into my eyes… with no emotions at all. Is she not affected by all of this?! Because I clearly am.

      “What?” she asked as she looked away.

      “I need to talk to you,” I muttered, “Alone.” I added, locking my eyes with Kim Myungsoo so that he could get the cue and thank goodness that he’s not that dumb.

      “Ji, I think you guys need to talk.” L muttered as he smiled to Ayaka, “I’ll see you later.” He exclaimed as he left.

      “Okay, see you later.” Ayaka smiled that pissed me off.

      What the ?! Did she just smile at the guy?! And as soon as L Kim was out of sight, she stared at me and crossed her arms.

      “What wrong with you?” I asked her.

      “What?” she asked, “What did I do?”

      “I don’t know!” I shouted “Why the are you acting like that?!” I snapped, but regretting the way I talked to her.

      I can’t believe that I just swore at her. Argh! I just can’t help it! She’s driving me insane!

      “I’m not doing anything,” she shrugged.

      “That’s the point!” I exclaimed, “You’re not doing anything!” I muttered, “You don’t talk to me, you avoid me, and you’re even rude! You’re not like this,” I told her, lowering my voice when I said the last words.

      “Not like this?” she scoffed, “I’m like this from the very start.” She told me as she looked at me, straight in the eyes, “Don’t you remember, jerk?” she smirked.

      I have known Lee Jiyeon for quiet a small amount of time. It has only been almost five months since I’ve met her but she can never lie to me. She’s a very bad liar and I can see it now.

      “Liar,” I muttered that caught her offguard, “If this is about the party—“ she cut me off before I could even finish what I was about to say, “How many times should I tell you that it’s not about that.” She muttered.

      “Then why?” I asked, frustrated, “What did I do for me to get this treatment?” I asked.

      “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She told me, “This conversation is going to nothing. Talk to me if you get your senses back.” She told me as she retrived her back.

      “Ayaka!” I called, but she didn’t look back anymore.

      I was left there, wondering, thinking… and hurting.

      I didn’t have any energy to finish my class so I decided to cut classes after lunch period. I just can’t sit beside Jiyeon and act like nothing happened. I went home and decided to sleep. I opened the door of my bedroom and looked inside.

      “This looks so weird after so many weeks.” I sighed as I walked inside.

      As I sat down my bed, I couldn’t help but to think about Jiyeon. I just couldn’t believe that she could talk to me like that… I couldn’t believe that she could look at me like I’m a stranger to her.

      I sighed as I lay down on my bed, “What did I do, A?” I asked the air.

      I just can’t believe everything that’s happening these past few days. I was brought out of my trance when I heard knocks on my door.

      “What?” I asked.

      “Mr. Kim wanted to give this to you, young master.” The maid muttered on the other side of the door.

      “Come in,” I muttered as I sat down on my bed.

      The maid opened the door and handed me the box and I was shocked to see the name and date written on the box.

      “Mr. Kim received the package a week ago.” The maid muttered.

      “Leave,” I commanded the maid and quickly closed the door and the read the name on the box, “Lee Jiyeon,” I read.

      I quickly opened the box and saw a blue and white dreamcatcher inside it, together with a music box and a letter.

      “A week? Why did he give it to me just now?” I asked myself as I opened the letter from the box.

      If there's nothing happening between Ayaka and I, I would be next to her, teasing her and all because she's too cheesy. And that's how I say thank you to her but right now, I couldn't even feel happy with the gift that I received. How can I when I feel like we're drifting apart? And what the heck are those characters at the end?! And why did my father just gave me this?! Argh! This is frustrating me! I quickly went down to dad’s office and barged inside.

      “Yah!” I shouted, “Why are you giving this to me just now?!” I asked.

      “Yah?” my father repeated, “You don’t talk informally to your father, Kai.” He muttered as he removed his glasses from his eyes, “It was Jiyeon’s choice to give it to you after a week.” He answered as he looked at me.

      “What?” I asked, surprised.

      “By the way, I don’t know why you’re suddenly back at home but I guess I know the reason why.” He muttered as he paused.

      “What are you talking about?” I asked him, feeling the beating of my heart.

      I don’t know why but I suddenly felt uneasy.

      “Jiyeon and I have talked about your engagement.” He muttered. Engagement? What about that? “She made me realize many things on Yeri’s birthday and I am thankful to her.” He exclaimed seriously, “I know that you still love your ex-girlfriend but you’re engaged with Jiyeon. Ms. Lee begged me to let you go and be a good father to you.” I couldn’t believe what I’m hearing right now and I was dumbfounded, until I heard the words that left his mouth, “I cut the engagement with Jiyeon already. I’m setting you free, my dear son.”

      Do you know the feeling of irony? That is what I’m feeling right now.

1 Peter 4:8 - Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.