Seoul, South Korea – August 27, 2016

LEE JIYEON | AYAKA

      We already finished shopping and right now, Gayoung and I are eating in one of the restaurants here in Gangnam. We’re at an Italian restaurant that Gayoung really loves. I got myself some pasta with creamy shrimp and pesto while Gayoung ordered her chicken tetrazzini. My pasta tastes delicious and I would definitely learn how to cook this and I’ll cook it at home for eonni, oppa and Kai. And when I get the time, I would want to cook this for mom, dad, and Ken-oppa too.

      “Do you like the food?” Gayoung beamed at me.

      I quickly nodded and smiled, “Are you kidding?” I exclaimed, “I love it! I’ll probably learn how to cook this and let eonni, oppa and Kai taste this.”

      Gayoung eyed me and eventually nodded, “That’s good,” she smiled, “By the way, you haven’t told me what happened in your summer vacation. So, what happened?” she asked as she sipped on her iced tea.

      I smiled, “Well, it was real fun!” I exclaimed happily, “Mom and dad really loved Kai! Well, my brother on the other hand was scaring Kai.” I muttered.

      “Where did you go?” she asked, digging deeper.

      “Well, Kai and I went to the beach together.” I answered.

      “What?!” she asked, almost choking on the pasta. She quickly drank on her iced tea and eyed me, “You two were alone?!” she asked.

      “Yeah,” I answered back, “So what?”

      “So what?!” she asked, repeating my words, “You two were together, alone.” She muttered, emphasizing the word, ‘alone’. “You guys were A L O N E! Alone!” she exclaimed after spelling alone for me.

      I don’t know what she’s on about but she’s overreacting.

      “I know how to spell the word ‘alone’, Gayoung.” I exclaimed as I rolled my eyes heavenwards.

      “You’re not getting the point Jiyeon.” She muttered.

      “I know where you’re going,” I exclaimed, “Don’t even say it.” I muttered, stopping her.

      I know that she will just tease me with Kai and I don’t want that. I just want to avoid the topic about Kai and me.

      “Jiyeon, tell me. What did really happen in Japan?” she pried, “Did you guys made this ‘thing’,” she exclaimed as she quoted the word, ‘thing’, “real? I mean, did you guys called the fake contract off?” she asked.

      “What?! No!!” I answered defensively.

      “Then what did really happen in Japan?” she asked.

      “Nothing,” I answered as I lowered my head, “Well, we swam, we walked by the beach and he…” I hesitated, thinking if it’s okay to tell Gayoung about the ring because for sure, she will make a big deal out of it.

      “He what?” she asked, urging me to continue.

      I sighed, “He gave me a ring.” I answered as I showed her my ring finger.

      She gasped, surprised by the ring on my hand. She quickly held my hand and gawked at the ring.

      “Oh. My. Gosh.” She exclaimed, “I-is he falling for you?” she asked, “I mean, he wouldn’t give you a ring if he doesn’t love you, hell, like you at the least.” She reasoned out.

      “I-I don’t know,” I answered, sadness was lacing on my voice. I quickly retract my hand and lowered my head, “I’m sure he’s not.” I muttered.

      Even though I can’t see her, I know that she was staring at me.

      “Then why do you look so defeated and sad?” she asked.

      I shook my head. I don’t know anymore. Do I like Kai or am I just infatuated with him because I’m always with him?

      “Lee Jiyeon, don’t tell me that you’re falling for Kim Jongin?” she asked.

      I looked at her and didn’t respond. She gasped, taking my silence as an answer.

      “Don’t tell me you’ve fallen for him?!” she exclaimed.

      “I don’t know.” I muttered as I shook my head, “I, myself don’t know what I’m feeling Gayoung-ah.”

      Gayoung shook her head in disappointment.

      “This is what I’m talking about.” She exclaimed, “I shouldn’t have let you anywhere near that guy. He will just hurt you Jiyeon. You know very well how he’s madly in love with Sooyeon.”

      “I know,” I answered, “But don’t worry… I can still fight this feeling. I have been able to hide everything that I was feeling and the only catalyst that made me realize that I was falling deeper for him was when we fought. I was so hurt with everything that he said.” I sighed, “I thought… I thought that I would lose him and it shook me to the core.”

      “So my hunch was right?” she gasped, “I’ve been contemplating whether you really like Kai or not when you agreed to be his girlfriend because of the looks in your eyes. I was right, you already liked Kai by then.” She exclaimed.

      I shook my head. I’m such a fool.

      I told Gayoung everything, from the day when I felt like I was falling for my fake boyfriend up to the days in Japan and after that pep talk with Gayoung, she sent me home and smiled at me before she left the driveway.

      “If you need someone to talk to, I’m always here.” She exclaimed, “And don’t you dare hide anything from me because I can always see through you.”

      I nodded, “Thanks for today Gayoung-ah.”

      “No problem. Anything for you Ji,” she exclaimed before leaving.

      I went inside the house and was greeted by oppa who was sitting at the living room, watching some soccer game.

      “How’s your day, Jiyeon-ah?” oppa asked as he smiled at me.

      “It was great.” I smiled.

      “You sister is inside the kitchen.”

      I nodded and quickly went to the kitchen.

      “I’m home,” I announced, getting eonni’s attention.

      “Oh, Ayaka,” she smiled, “Come, taste my cookies. I was baking for Joon and made extra for you and Kai.”

      I beamed. I always loved cookies especially those which eonni makes. I grabbed one and went straight to my room. I opened my room and placed the shopping bags on my bed and sat down, just staring at the blankness but I was startled when my door opened wide and in just seconds, I found Kai on top of me.

      “Yah!” I shouted as I tried to push him aside.

      “Waah! I missed my wifey.” he muttered as he snuggled closer to me.

      “Oh shut up you little dimwit!” I told him as I pushed him aside.

      He let go and sat beside me, acting cute all of a sudden. I don’t know what has gotten into him but I know for sure that he ate too much sugar—he’s too hyper!

      “Where did you go?” he asked, “I saw Gayoung’s car outside the house.”

      “Huh?” I asked.

      I quickly remembered the dreamcatcher that I was going to do for him. I immediately kicked the shopping bags on the floor where the yarns and beads are.

      “Uh…” I muttered, searching for the right words.

      I can’t tell him that we shopped because he will surely ask what we bought.

      “Don’t tell me that you searched for boys?” he asked.

      I laughed. Seriously?! Me and Gayoung, searching for boys? Haha, that’s one ridiculous statement. I looked at him and I was expecting for him to look like he's teasing but I was shocked to see him so serious, so I decided to stop laughing.

      “Oh, shut up Kai.” It was the only thing that I managed to say as I stood up to avoid him.

      Well, I don’t want him to see me blushing! I mean, he sounded like he was jealous but I guess it was just my imagination. I went downstairs but he kept on following me.

      “You really did search for boys?! Yah! Jiyeon-ah!" he shouted but I just ignored him, “Yah, you didn't really search for boys, yeah?” he asked again but I didn't respond.

      I didn’t respond because I’m basically enjoying this. It’s not every day that you would see this side of Kai. I sat on the sofa and so did he.

      “Yah, talk to me Lee Jiyeon,” he was calling me on my Korean name and I couldn’t help but to smirk.

      Is he getting pissed?

      “You didn't really search for boys, right?” he asked again.

      “Shut up Kai. You’re too loud.” I told him and tried to watch television but he was still bugging me.

       “Fine,” he sighed, “It's okay even if you searched for boys…” I looked at him but I was shocked to meet his eyes. I was sad and… disappointed, “Just don't do it again, okay?” he asked.

      “And why?” I asked as I raise my eyebrows.

      The last time I checked, Kai wasn’t so possessive.

      “I'm your fiancé, you should only look at me!” he exclaimed, almost shouting.

       I was shocked with how he was behaving right now. I mean, he’s never like this. The only time he’s like this is when I’m being hit by other guys in a bar or when somebody asks for my number but that is just for my protection but now… I don’t know, but I feel like it’s different.

      “But since you already looked at other boys, it's okay...” he sighed, “I don’t want us to fight over this matter so I'll let this pass but please don't do it again, okay?" he asked.

      Eventually, I felt my heart beat faster and I can feel the butterflies in my stomach. How can I help it? He looks like a small little boy who was left behind by his mom and he seems so... sad and disappointed, and it's because of me.

Philippians 2:3 - Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.