Seoul, South Korea – September 7, 2016

KIM MYUNGSOO | L

For the past three years, I have lived my life in my past. I couldn’t move on since that day that my best friend, my crush and my first love had died. Nayoung was special to me and she will continue to be. She holds a very special place in my heart that no one could ever replace. Up until now, I can still hear the melodies of the ivories that she plays whenever I am in a bad mood. Its like recorded in my soul and I couldn’t do anything to forget about it. But don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to forget… it’s just that, it still pains me whenever I remember and hear the pieces that she used to play for me. I thought I could never move on ever again. I thought I will live with this pain until I am old but someone… someone showed me that I was wrong.

      “Doesn’t she remind you of Nayoung?” noona asked as she took a sip from her glass.

      I don’t know but I suddenly got mad—not with my sister but with me. I know what she was trying to say, I clearly get it.

      “Stop it noona.” I muttered as I looked down the floor.

      “Taeyeon-ah, I guess that’s enough with our chats today,” mom butted in as she smiled awkwardly.

      I turned to Jiyeon and she was just there, sitting cluelessly and somehow, I felt guilty.

      “Jiyeon, did Myung ever mentioned Nayoung to you?” noona asked.

      “Noona, I said stop it!” I shouted as I slammed my hand on the table angrily, causing the people to stare at me in shock, well, except from my sister who seems to be enjoying my rage.

      I quickly snapped and I just couldn’t take my anger anymore. I really hate it whenever somebody speaks of Nayoung, especially about this thing.

      “Kim Myungsoo, you don’t talk to your sister like that.” Dad nagged.

      “It’s nothing dad,” noona muttered, “Tell us Myung, is Jiyeon here because she’s really your friend or is it because she looks like your dead lover?”

      ‘Dead’, it is a mere word but it sent me to the edge. I felt my ears flaring because of anger. I shook my head and quickly left the dining room and went outside the house.

LEE JIYEON | AYAKA

      “Tell us Myung, is Jiyeon here because she’s really your friend or is it because she looks like your dead lover?” Taeyeon-eonni exclaimed, surprising me.

      I looked at Myungsoo, waiting for his reply but I got nothing. He stared coldly at his sister and shook his head. I stared back at Taeyeon-eonni and she was just there, finishing her food—acting like nothing happened. I stared back again at Myung and I can clearly see the hurt in his eyes. He was just there, staring in the blank space until he left the dining room and left us all there.

       “M-myungsoo!” I called out and ran after him.

      I quickly ran and tried to chase him and when we reached their garden outside their house, I finally got to get a grip of him.

      “Let me bring you home.” he muttered coldly, not facing me.

      “No Myung,” I protested, “I’m not leaving—not until you explain everything to me.” I muttered.

      “It’s nothing,” he answered plainly, “Let’s just meet tomorrow. I’m not in the mood anymore.” He added.

      “Jeon Nayoung,” I muttered, catching his attention, “Tell me who she is.” I told him.

      “S-she’s…” he fumbled, his eyes shaking.

      “She’s what?” I asked impatiently but when I sensed that he has no plan on continuing his sentence, I started speaking, “Listen L,” I muttered, calling him in that weird name, “I don’t know what just happened between you and your sister but I am quiet sure that I am a part of it so I have the right to know what it is all about. I don’t want you to get in a fight with your sister or anything because I know how you much you love her and how you missed her, so please… tell me.” I begged as I pleaded with my eyes.

      Myungsoo stared back at me and I catched how he softened his eyes. He sighed and looked down.

      “Fine,” he surrendered, “But first, get in the car.” He ordered.

      I eyed him but he just ignored me and went inside his car. This is my first time seeing Myung in his serious mode and it’s kind of scary. The Kim Myungsoo that I know is a happy go lucky guy but right now, all I can see is a man who is standing in his grounds.

      “Aren’t you getting in?” he asked, snapping me out of my reverie.

      “Coming,” I muttered as I went inside the passenger’s seat and buckled myself up.

      ”Rest,” he commanded, “This is going to be a long ride.” He told me.

       “O-okay,” I stuttered, hesitating.

      I didn’t rest because I couldn’t. All I did was watch the window and listen on his radio. We drove for about fifty minutes until we came into a halt.

      “We’re here,” Myung exclaimed as he went out of the car.

      I glanced outside to see where we were and read a sign in bold letters, “Shilla Columbarium”. Columbarium? What are we doing here? I was deep in my thoughts until someone knocked on the car window. I looked up and saw Myungsoo signaling me to go out. I didn’t even notice that Myungsoo already got out from the car because of my thoughts. I nodded and went on my way out. As I stepped out of the car, Myungsoo started walking and went inside the columbarium, not waiting for me.

      “Seriously, what’s that guy’s problem?” I mumbled to myself as I followed him inside.

      The place was full of shelves that are filled with different kind of cremation urns. I have only gone into this kind of place once and that is when we visited my grandmother’s ashes in Japan. Finally, Myungsoo stopped walking and stood in front of a marble cremation urn. I took a glance at the name tablet and read, “Jeon Nayoung”. Beside it is a beautiful picture of a lovely girl. She was wearing a school uniform and she was smiling happily together with two couples which I assume is her parents. Another picture is the same girl together with a cute middle-school Myungsoo.

      “Meet Nayoung,” Myungsoo muttered, “My bestfriend.” He ended.

      I was surprised. I looked at Myung and he looked so torn apart and hurt. But what surprised me the most is that, I kind of resemble the girl that was smiling through the picture. It seems like we were long lost sisters but I’m sure as hell that we’re not related. I mean, this is my first time seeing her. We had the same eyes and smile—I couldn’t help but to wonder.

      “Tell us Myung, is Jiyeon here because she’s really your friend or is it because she looks like your dead lover?”

      Taeyeon-eonni’s voice suddenly rang at the back of my head and I couldn’t help but to feel down all of a sudden. Is this the reason why Myungsoo suddenly came to me that day? Was he pretending to like my music because I look like his dead bestfriend?

      “Myung,” I called coldly.

      “It’s not what it looks like,” he sighed, “Whatever things you heard from my sister is all .” He muttered.

      “?” I scoffed, saying the word like it irks me—well, it sure do. “Are you serious?!” I asked, raising my voice a little higher, “Is she the reason why you chose to talk to me that day? The day you saw me playing the piano?” I asked again.

      He looked surprised with my sudden outburst and tried to console me but I refused as I distanced myself away from him. Do you know that feeling? The feeling of finding out that you’re just a replacement for someone and that your place is not rightfully yours because that is what I’m feeling right now. I feel like Myungsoo chose to talk to me that day because I reminded him of his dead bestfriend.

      “That’s not true!” he retorted.

      “You know what? I guess I understand what Gayoung meant that time,” I exhaled, “She told me that you barely speak to strangers and that you only live in your own world so she was surprised to see you talking to me.” I told him, “Is Nayoung the reason why?” I asked.

      “Listen Ji,” he called me by my nickname, “Yes, Gayoung was right.” He confessed, “I didn’t speak to strangers back then because of Nayoung—because I was devastated when she died. But you’re wrong!” he exclaimed, “You’re wrong about everything. I didn’t befriend you because you look like Nayoung but because you’re you.”

      I shook my head and stared at his bestfriend’s picture, “Liar,” I mumbled.

      “It’s the truth!” he exclaimed, “The moment I saw you playing the piano, yes, I thought of Nayoung but as soon as you spoke and as soon as we got together closely, you proved me wrong and slowly, you showed me that I could move on from that pain that Nayoung’s death caused. You helped me listen to the piano again after years of shutting my world. You made the ivories seemed like a beautiful instrument to me once again. Because the night that Nayoung died, I never listened to music anymore—not until I saw you playing your piece.” He breathed, boring his eyes into me. “Can’t you see? I became your friend—your bestfriend because it’s my choice not because you looked like my first love.”

      I was speechless. I don’t know what to say, how to react or what to think. Seriously, I felt really bad to think that I was just a replacement in Myungsoo’s life but I guess I was wrong.

      “I-I’m sorry,” I muttered as I looked down, feeling ashamed.

      I heard Myungsoo chuckled as he pulled me in a cozy hug.

      “I should be the one who’s sorry,” he mumbled as he caresses the back of my head and as he played with the strands of my hair.

      “I didn’t know that you were suffering like that.” I muttered as I break from the hug.

      “Don’t ever think that I just befriend you because you looked like someone, okay?” he told me as he cupped my cheeks, “You’re my bestfriend because you’re Lee Jiyeon.”

      I pouted and pulled him again in a hug, “You scared me there,” I muttered. “I thought I’m going to lose my bestfriend.” I told him.

      “What are you talking about?” he chuckled, “I’m your best-est friend! You’ll never lose me,” he winked that caused me to laugh.

      “Thanks,” I muttered.

      An awkward silence blew around us until Myungsoo cleared his throat and turned towards Nayoung’s urn.

      “By the way Ji,” he muttered, catching my attention, “I want you to meet my first bestfriend, my crush and my first love, Jeon Nayoung.”

      I smiled and nodded, “Hello Nayoung,” I greeted happily.

      “Nayoung,” Myungsoo called, “Meet Lee Jiyeon, my best friend,” Myungsoo turned to me and smiled, “Thank you for bringing me someone to lean on. I will treasure her as much as I treasured you.” Myungsoo ended and as I can see in my peripheral vision, I saw tears streaming down my best friend’s face and I couldn’t do anything but to hug him.

2 Peter 3:9 - The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.