Seoul, South Korea – September 23, 2016

KIM JONGIN | KAI

      In the past months that I have known Ayaka, she has grown into my heart in the suprising way possible. She became my best friend, my confidant, my fake girlfriend and fiancé. She’s someone who is very special in my life and I’m very thankful to have met her. But right now, I don’t know what I’m feeling after I found out that our engagement is already cut off. She’s not treating me well these days and cutting the engagement off doesn’t help our relation one bit. With the engagement coming to an end, I just can’t help but to think of losing her… and that just scares me.

      “What right do you have to cut that off?!” I shouted at my father, enraged.

      Why is he acting like a great father all of a sudden?! I was so frustrated and angry. I didn’t want to look at him right now because he irks me so I went out and went up to my room. , what did he said?! Cut the engagement off?! him. Why is he always manipulating my life?! Manipulating my relationship with Sooyeon is already enough, why is he sticking his nose out with my relationship with Ayaka, now? I felt my heart beat rising and it feels like I'm losing my breath. As I arrived in my room, I stared at the dream catcher that Ayaka made and I don’t know why but I felt hurt. Why did she let go of my hand without telling me? Why did she agree to cut the engagement without saying goodbye to me? Is this the reason why she was cold towards me these days? I somehow felt sad, when those thoughts bombarded my mind. It feels like Ayaka doesn’t even give a about my feelings. But what confused me more was… why am I feeling like this? I mean, I should be happy, right? I’m not tied to her anymore… and I’ll be able to go back to Sooyeon again. I should be happy right, but why am I not happy?

LEE JIYEON | AYAKA

      It has been days since I talked to Kai’s father and it has also been days since I started avoiding Kai. It was pure torture. I’m having a hard time resisting him, and just the mere fact of ignoring him just breaks my heart. I am back to square one and I’m just thankful that Myungsoo is here with me to help me with everything. A moment ago, when Kai asked me to talk to him, I literally panicked but tried hard to keep a straight face and thank goodness, I succeeded. But when he snapped at me, all I wanted to do was to apologize and tell him about my feelings… but I couldn’t. I’m too scared—too scared to get hurt.

      “Ji, we’re here.”

      I was brought out of my reverie when Myung talked. I looked outside the car’s window and saw that we already arrived home. I quickly cleared my throat and forced a smile.

      “Thanks for today Myung,” I told him, “I don’t know how I can ever repay you.” I muttered.

      “What I’m doing right now is not something you can pay, Ji.” He told me, “I’m doing this as your best friend so stop all these ‘paying’ thing.” He chuckled and I nodded.

      “Thanks again,” I smiled as I removed the seatbelt from my body and went out of the car.

      “Take care always, Ji.” He muttered when I stepped out of the car, “See you tomorrow morning.” He told me and I just smiled back.

      “Bye Myung!” I exclaimed and went inside the house.

      I opened the door and expected no one to be home except Kai but I was shocked to see Seojoon-oppa sitting on the sofa, watching.

      “Oppa, it’s too early for you to be here.” I chuckled as I kissed his cheeks and sat beside him.

      “Oh well, I’m too tired for another modeling project today.” Oppa sighed.

      “How about eonni?” I asked.                                                                                                      

      “She’s still at work.” He answered back, “I will fetch her later.”

      I just nodded, “I’ll go upstairs.” I muttered and was about to leave when oppa stopped me.

      “Jiyeon,” he called.

      “Yes?” I asked as I turned to him.

      “I noticed,” he trailed, “You haven’t been with Kai for days now. Are you guys okay?” he asked me worriedly.

      “W-we’re fine,” I answered, fidgeting.

      I don’t want to tell oppa all about my problems so I decided to just keep my problem and good thing, oppa didn’t push anything further.

      “Okay,” he smiled, “If you want to talk about something, you can always talk to me.” He told me and I just nodded.

      “Thank you oppa,” I smiled and finally went upstairs.

      I opened my door and was about to lie on my bed when I saw a small box at my study table which I don’t remember putting there. I quickly walked my way towards the table and grabbed the box and saw a small note taped on top of it.

      My heart beat fast as soon as I read the words, ‘goodbye’. I quickly dropped the cupcake and ran my way to Kai’s room. I opened the door and scanned the room. Did he leave?! I searched for his things but found nothing. His once full room is now… empty. Panic laced through my veins and I quickly ran down to oppa.

      “Oppa!” I shouted, “Why are Kai’s things not in his room?” I asked.

      “W-what?!” he asked, surprised. He immediately stood up and went upstairs to Kai’s room. He was also shocked to see nothing there but just some old stuff in the guest room. I was really feeling bad right now. He left because I was ignoring him… “Wait, I’ll just call him.” Oppa exclaimed, trying to calm me.

      Oppa was about to dial Kai’s number but I stopped him before he could even press the call button.

      “O-oppa,” I called out.

      Seojoon-oppa turned to me and I quickly flashed him a smile.

      “No need to call him.” I breathed, “I think Kai decided to leave already.” I told him, trying hard not to crack in my words, “I’ll just talk to him in school.” I forced a smile.

      “O-okay then,” oppa told me and when he sensed that there was something wrong, he went out of the room, leaving me.

      And when oppa was out of sight, I couldn’t help the tears that were welling from my eyes. This is my choice, right? But why the heck am I hurting like this? Why does it feel like hell knowing that Kai had left me? I wept. I cried silently in Kai’s room, his scent calming me but I guess, starting from now, I need to train myself living without him anymore—just like my life before I met him. Ever since I met Kai, my whole life changed in just a short period of time. It feels like I’ve known him for what seems like forever—from the awkward meeting of ours, up to this point… where I totally fell in love with him. My once plain life turned into a rollercoaster ride which I enjoyed but right now… I guess, the ride is over.

Seoul, South Korea – September 30, 2016

      It has already been a week since Kai left our house and the last time we talked with each other. Our last conversation was not even a conversation, it was an argument. Little by little, day by day, it feels like dying. I would sit beside him inside the classroom but we never talk or utter even a single word to each other. He doesn’t even spare me a glance and I know he was angry at me. Well, I couldn’t blame him—I was the one who started this ignoring game and I certainly regret playing this. On break time, I would always go with Myungsoo instead of going with my friends. Chanyeol and Sehun tried talking to me but jut like what I’m doing with Kai, I also ignored them. Gayoung on the other hand talks to me occasionally since she always spends her time now with Chanyeol and sometimes, she’s busy with school stuffs. I wanted to talk to her but I guess she’s upset with me for distancing myself from our friends.

      “Hey, you’re spacing out again.” I was startled when Myung suddenly speak.

      “Huh? What?” I asked cluelessly and Myung just shook his head.

      “You’re thinking about him again, huh?” he chuckled.

      I sighed, “I didn’t know it will be this hard.” I muttered.

      “It will never be easy, you know.” He stated as he gave me a yogurt.

      We’re sitting right now at the rooftop to hide from Kai and our friends. I guess this will be my safe haven now.

      “I don’t know anymore.” I mumbled.

      “Tell me, Ji,” he muttered, “Are you happy with all this?” he asked.

      “W-what?” I asked him, surprised.

      “Hiding your feelings like this, avoiding your love… is it all worth it?” he asked me and I just sighed.

      “Sacrificing my feelings for him is worth it,” I mumbled, “He’ll be happy now… he could be able to love Sooyeon again.” I muttered, “And seeing him happy is enough for me.”

      “You’ll be happy while sacrificing your happiness?” he asked me, “Does that even make sense?” he muttered, shaking his head, “I get that you’re a really good woman. I know how pure your heart is and you’re the most selfless woman I know… but seriously Ji, can you be selfish even just for once?” he asked me.

      I shook my head and smiled at Myung, “If you’re in my shoes, you will definitely give the happiness that Nayoung wants.” I told him, having Nayoung as an example, “You’ll understand me someday.” I exclaimed.

      Myung sighed and stood up, “I guess I can never win against you,” he chuckled, “Anyway, we should get going. That bell is going to ring any moment now.” He told me and I just nodded.

      We went down from the rooftop and Myung decided to accompany me to my room. I’m really thankful with everything that Myung is giving me now… especially his time and friendship. And as wefinally went downstairs, we walked down the hallway but I was shocked when something surprising happened. Myungsoo suddenly pulled me into a hug, my face landing on his chest and I can smell his manly scent clearly.

      “M-myung…” I called, surprised but what surprised me more was the words that he spoke.

      “Close your eyes, shut your heart. Be deaf for now, don’t feel anything and please be numb.” He whispered.

      What?!

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Acts 20:37-38 - And there was much weeping on the part of all; they embraced Paul and kissed him being sorrowful most of all because of the word he had spoken, that they would not see his face again. And they accompanied him to the ship.