Seoul, South Korea – September 9, 2016

LEE JIYEON | AYAKA

      ‘Always’, that was what Kai said and ever since I left his room, his voice repeated at the back of my head like a sick tape. It seems like he told me something special, something close to the three words I’ve been longing to hear but the truth is, he just told me that he will always be there. And I know that everything that he said means nothing. It’s like telling your best friend, ‘I love you’, nothing more, nothing less but seriously, I don’t know what my problem is. When I reached my room, I closed the door and leaned against it, feeling every thump of my heart. It was erratic, my heart was screaming in joy but my head just couldn’t feel the happiness in Kai’s words—no, I don’t want to assume anything. I don’t want to hurt. I shook my head, trying hard to remove or at least pause the recorded voice of Kai at the back of my head, and I did. But it was replaced by his look when he was so angry at Jimin. The look that says, ‘protect’ and I couldn’t help but to fall in love with him all over again.

      Why is he making this so hard for me? Why is he making me fall deeper?

      I don’t know what has gotten into me but I found myself dialing Myungsoo’s number in the middle of the night and thank God he answered because I would go crazy if I don’t talk to someone right now.

      “Myung,” I called out, sounding desperate and I bet Myung heard the desperation in my voice.

      “What’s wrong Ji?” he asked worriedly, “Are you okay?” he added.

      “I-I need someone to t-talk to,” I stuttered.

      I don’t know what I’m feeling right now but I know for sure that I just want to find solace in somebody. I feel lost, probably because I know that the love game hasn’t started yet but I’m certain that I already lost.

      “O-okay,” Myung muttered, “I’ll come pick you up. I’ll be there in a minute,” he told me and I nodded even though he can’t see me.

      “Please come.” I exclaimed.

      I didn’t change what I was wearing anymore but instead, I just grabbed the leather jacket on my rack and went downstairs. I decided to go to the kitchen first to quench my thirst that I have been feeling ever since we left the club. But when I reached the kitchen, I saw Kai in his sleep wear, drinking milk.

      “Ayaka,” he called, “Why are you still in those clothes?” he asked.

      “I-I will go out.” I stuttered.

      “What?!” he asked, rather loudly.

      “I’ll be meeting Myungsoo tonight.” I told him as I grabbed a glass of water in the counter.

      Kai’s eyebrows creased, telling me that he didn’t like the idea but he’s not going to tell me what to do. My mind’s in a mess right now—from what Jimin did and up to what Kai said. I just couldn’t keep up with all the happenings tonight.

      “No, you’re not.” He exclaimed hardly as he placed the glass of milk on the counter but I quickly brushed him off and shook my head.

      “It’s Myungsoo,” I told him, “You don’t need to worry.” I exclaimed.

      “Exactly the point!” he muttered, his eyes turning a shade darker, “You’re with Kim Myungsoo! And what?! It’s past 12 already!” he exclaimed, “I can’t trust him and you know that.”

      “I said, I’ll be okay Kai!” I snapped and was about to leave the kitchen when he spoke.

      “Why do you always disobey me?” he muttered, “You just can’t see that I care for you.”

      I tried to look back but Kai already walked past by me and left me there, standing. I sighed, I thought I will not get into fight with him tonight but I guess I’m wrong. After a few minutes, the door bell rang and I was quick to open the door and saw Myung on the other side of the door.

      “What happened?” he asked worriedly as he cupped my cheeks.

      I didn’t answer but instead, I grabbed Myungsoo’s hands and led him to his car.

      “Please drive me anywhere.” I told him and sweet Myung just nodded.

      He opened the car door for me and went to the other side of the car. He went inside and finally drives. There were complete silence between us and I was just there, staring at the window. And I was sent back to reality when I felt the car stopped. I realized that we were in Han River.

      “So what happened?” Myung trailed, getting straight to the point but I didn’t want to talk about it, yet.

      “I’m sorry I called you this late,” I exclaimed, “I just needed someone to talk to.” I told him and Myung just nodded.

      “That’s why I came.” He answered back.

      I didn’t answer tho. I didn’t know what to say, or how to start talking about the mixed sentiments that I was feeling. I’m just happy that Myung didn’t push anything. He was just there, waiting for me to tell him everything and finally, I found the strength to tell him.

      “Kai…” I started, I can feel him staring at me but I didn’t meet his eyes. I trained my eyes outside the window, watching the river. “…I’m falling in love with him.”

Seoul, South Korea – September 10, 2016

KIM JONGIN | KAI

      I didn’t have a good night sleep last night. Ever since Ayaka left, I was tossing and turning on my bed—feeling the uneasiness tugging in my heart. How can she leave at midnight, and worse, with a guy! She even snapped on me when I was thinking about her welfare all along. I only got to sleep when I heard her come home in the morning, 2 AM to be exact. So right now, I’m kind of not feeling well since I didn’t have enough sleep. I went out of my room and decided to approach her first. I’ll try to stomp on my pride just for Ayaka and I will do it only once. I knocked on her door but was greeted by silence.

      “A,” I called but no one answered.

      “Kai, you’re still here?” noona asked as she went out of her room.

      “Y-yeah, I’m about to leave with Jiyeon.” I told her.

      “Jiyeon?” she asked, “Jiyeon already left early in the morning.” She exclaimed, “Myungsoo came to pick her up.” She added.

      My ears suddenly felt hot and I felt angry all of a sudden. I quickly left, completely ignoring noona’s call. I went outside the house and went to the bus stop with my heart beating fast. I was so angry and down when I reached the stop. The rain didn’t even helped in the anger that I was feeling. How can she leave me behind?! She even left without saying a word. I even stomped on my pride just to talk to her but then she’s gone?! Seriously, I don’t get her problem. The bus finally came and I rode it until I reached my school stop. I was walking on my way to school, my head down—thinking about her all over again when I heard someone singing by the playground near the school. It was already pretty early since there’s still thirty minutes before the bell.

      I turned my head to the one singing and saw a familiar girl sitting on the swing, “1: If I can`t see you for a second, 2: I will be anxious like this, 3: how can I wait for you for 3 seconds? eeya-eeya-eeya-eeya, 4: Love you, I love you.” I stared at her as she continued to sing, her back facing me, “5: I am going to tell you today., 6: That I met you in the world of 6 billion people, 7: It's number 7 lucky. I love you.”

      A smile quickly spread across my face as I remembered the song that she was singing. It was the song that I sang to her on our 100^th day. I didn’t know how to sing properly so I sang a kid’s song. I stared at Sooyeon as I started singing.

      “Don`t look at here and there and just look at me. I like you. Let me see your smile everyday. 8: My heart is beating for you. 9: Oh, please save my soul. 10: even after 10 years, I will still love you.” I sang before she could even finish the song, I smiled and sang with her, “I will never change my mind.” I finished the song as she immediately turned to me, surprised.

      “K-kai.” she called as she stood up, stunned.

      “You still sing that?” I asked with a smile on my face.

      “What are you doing here?” she asked.

      “Just chilling out, haha—literally,” I chuckled.

      I was already drenched in the rain and I don’t know how the hell I would go inside the school looking like this. Sooyeon went close to me and covered me with her umbrella and smiled.

      “You'll get sick,” she exclaimed.

      After that, we decided to go the shed just near the school to let the rain pass.

      “What made you come to the playground?” I asked, looking up at the sky.

      I don’t know why but I don’t feel awkward with her anymore. It seems like I can talk to her with ease right now and I’m quiet happy because of that.

      “There are just some problems,” she answered.

      “Okay,” I smiled, “But don’t be too stressed and please, don’t get sick.” I muttered.

      She just nodded in return and asked, “How about you? Why were you drenched in rain?”

      I shook my head, remembering Ayaka and Myungsoo, “I just got upset with a small little thing.” I answered back.

      “Is this about Jiyeon?" she asked and I nodded again.

      “Uh-huh.” I answered, plainly.

      “You guys seem to be very close right now.” She pinpoints, “I even saw you guys fighting at the club.” She added.

      “It was nothing,” I answered, “I was just upset because someone tried to hurt her.” I exclaimed as I finally looked at Sooyeon.

      “You seem to like her little by little,” she smiled sadly as she avoided my gaze, “So you're... forgetting about me now?” she asked awkwardly.

      I don’t know why but it didn’t feel awkward at all, well, at least for me.

      I answered her happily and sang, “10: even after 10 years, I will still love you. I will never change my mind.”

      She may have hurt me so many times but I am sure that I am still in love with her and I will continue to be. I looked at Sooyeon and found her, looking blue.

      “Kai, can I ask you a favor?” she asked and I quickly nodded.

      “Favor?” I asked, puzzled.

      What favor would she ask from me?

      “Don't be confused, yeah?” she smiled and opened her umbrella, “I'll get going Kai.” she muttered as she waved goodbye.

      “B-bye...” I stuttered as I waved back absent-mindedly.

      What on Earth did she just say?

2 Timothy 2:7 - Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything.