Seoul, South Korea – June 10, 2016

KIM JONGIN | KAI

      After Mina showed Ayaka her composition, we went outside to play and go to the playground. I sat down on the swing and Ayaka did the same. I took little swings from my seat and watched Mina play with her friends.

      “So, your family owns this?” I asked Ayaka. I learned from Eunbi that Ayaka’s family owns this orphanage.

      “Yeah, I went here a long time ago and fell in love with the place. It’s like my safe haven.” She answered, wearing her infamous bright smile.

      “Uhm… Eunbi told me that Mina has leukemia.” I muttered.

      I don’t want to bring out this topic as much as possible but I really want to know Mina better and see if I can do anything to help her.

      “Yeah,” Ayaka sighed sadly, “It was diagnosed when she was only five years old and now, she’s still fighting for her life.” Ayaka answered, feeling sorry as she is.

      I looked at Mina and if only she has hair, I wouldn’t be able to tell if she’s sick or not because she’s so lively and cheerful.

      “She’s not yet cancer free?” I asked.

      “Yeah, she’s still under medication.” Ayaka answered back.

      “And she…” I paused, thinking if it’s okay to ask her, “She got hope in you?” I asked.

      I don’t know what Eunbi was talking about when she said Mina got her hope in Ayaka. Why did she say so?

      “Oh, that?” Ayaka smiled, “That’s nothing… it’s just that I told her to keep fighting for her life because when she was diagnosed with cancer, I was here. She was ready to give up her life so easily because she said that it’s okay.” Ayaka looked down after saying the words, ‘it’s okay’, “But for me, it will never be okay. Life has been unfair for Mina, her parents abandoned her and now, she’s diagnosed with cancer. I just felt that… it is just right for her to fight for her life and show everyone that even though life is unfair, she is capable of turning her fate.”

      I was surprised. I thought Ayaka is inspiring enough with every advice that she gives me but the way she’s talking now, it feels like I grew much more respect for her. Her reasons are great and are valid.

      “Oppa! Eonni! Come, let’s play tag together!” our conversation was cut short when Mina called us.

      I didn’t want to play. Going here was good but I don’t really want to play, I’m not in the mood.

      “You go play,” I told them and smiled.

      “Why?” Mina asked, “You don’t want to play?”

      “I’m not in the mood,” I told her, smiling sadly.

      “Come on Kai, don’t be such a killjoy.” Ayaka muttered.

       “I really don’t want.” I told them.

      “Please oppa?” Mina asked, her eyes pleading.

      I looked at Ayaka and she was pleading with her eyes too. I don’t know but I found them cute, the way they looked at me just captivated me to say yes.

      “Ugh, okay.” I gave up.

      “Yeay!” Mina exclaimed happily.

      “You’re it!” Ayaka exclaimed, touching me.

      I was shocked as she ran away. What?! That’s it?! I’m it?!

      “Yah!” I shouted, “You didn’t tell me that you were ‘it’!” I exclaimed, irritated.

      “Oppa, catch us!” Mina giggled.

      I turned to her and I can see how happy she is right now. Her smile was so precious that I wanted to keep it forever. Mina is such a pretty girl and I hope that she recovers well.

      “Run as fast as you can!” I shouted, “I’m going to catch you!”

      I started running and chased them. It was fun, seriously! We ran and chased each other and finally for that moment, I didn’t think about anything besides from playing. I didn’t even think about Sooyeon or Minho. I was just happy the whole time playing. I was running before Ayaka and was about to tag her when I saw her about to trip. Because of my good reflexes, I grabbed her hand but the next thing we knew, we fell down together.

      I was shocked. We were in an awkward position. I was lying on the grass while Ayaka was on top of me, staring straight at me. Suddenly, I felt my heart beat faster than usual and I don’t know if my mind was playing with me or the surroundings were really mute. I couldn’t hear anything but the fast thumping of my heart. I stared at her beautiful brown eyes and her beautiful brown locks fell down, framing her small, pretty face.

      “I-I’m sorry.” Ayaka muttered as she quickly get up.

      I quickly stood up too and coughed awkwardly.

      “U-uhm,” I stuttered, “It’s okay.”

      “Eonni, oppa, are you both okay?” Mina asked as she ran towards us.

      Ayaka smiled at Mina and nodded, “We’re fine Mina, let’s just play something else.” Ayaka muttered as she held Mina’s hand and they walked away from me.

      After some hours, we finally decided to go back home and leave. Mina almost cried but we promised that we will come back.

      “Promise you’ll visit again?” Mina asked.

      “Promise,” Ayaka smiled.

      “How about you oppa?” Mina asked me.

      I smiled and nodded, “I promise too.”

      We went to the bus station and waited for the bus, no one was trying to speak. I guess, we’re still shy about what happened a moment ago. When the bus arrived, Ayaka and I rode the bus and sat at the back.

      “Thanks,” I said, finally breaking the ice.

      She turned to me and finally smiled, “Why?” she asked.

      “For taking me at the orphanage and letting me forget about Sooyeon even for a moment.” I told her, “I didn’t expect to enjoy the day with Mina.”

      “No problem.” She smiled.

LEE JIYEON | AYAKA

      I was surprised when Kai thanked me for bringing him to the orphanage and I was also surprised that he enjoyed himself there but I was thankful as well. My main goal was to divert his thoughts from Sooyeon to other things. I don’t want him to sulk alone and cry on the corner, I want to be someone whom he can lean on. There was silence after Kai thanked me but I was more shocked by his sudden question.

      “Will you not leave me?” he asked out of the blue.

      I was taken aback.

      “What do you mean?” I asked.

      “Sooyeon is my first girlfriend.” He sighed, “I loved her so much that I could go against my father and fight for our love but she hurt me.” Kai sniffed and I already know that he is crying, “She told me that she will never leave me.” He suddenly looked into my eyes and bored his soul, “I am afraid to be left alone.” Kai sighed, “I don’t want to be alone but she did… she just left me.”

      I don’t know what to say. I am a girl full of words but somehow, I felt speechless. Should I tell him that it’s going to be okay? But I know that it will take a long time…

      “How about you?” I turned to Kai and gave him a puzzled look, “Will you do the same?” He looked so sad and wrecked, tears were b in his eyes but it wasn’t falling. “If you’re going to leave me too, then…” he breathed and continued, “…don’t let me get too attached to you.”

      I was staring at him, my heart was beating like I have run a marathon and my eyes were wandering in his sorrowful face. Leave him? Am I going to leave him too? I don’t know… but I know that for now, I can’t let him down.

      “I…” I breathed and finally smiled at him, “I won’t.”

      Kai is such a pain in the but when you get to know him, there is much more to his mischievous acts and tough persona. He just built a wall around his heart where no one can break it except from his beloved Sooyeon. He is trying to conceal his soft side and just putting up the ‘tough guy persona’ but the truth is, he is just a simple guy with a big heart named, Kim Jongin.

      He just smiled back bitterly chuckled, “Am I a bipolar or what?” he asked, “I’m happy a moment ago and now I’m sad again.” He shook his head and sighed, “Well, I guess that’s how my ing days will go right now. When I’m occupied, I’m happy but when I’m alone and thinking about things, I’ll think about Sooyeon and feel ing sad again.”

      “Kai…” I called.

      “Can you stay with me, Ayaka?” he asked.

      I was shocked, why is he asking so many complicated things?!

      “…as a friend… as a friend that will never leave my side? Can you?” he added that left me smiling.

      I thought he meant otherwise.

      We finally arrived at our neighborhood. I went home while Kai did the same. As I arrived home, I saw no one but just an empty cold house. I looked at the time and it’s already 8:30 in the evening.

      “Okay?” I muttered.

      I opened my phone and saw four missed calls from eonni and two messages from oppa saying that they can’t pick me up because of some problems in their work but that’s a good thing since I just cut classes today. I was about to go up in my room when someone rang the doorbell. Is it eonni and oppa? I opened it and was shocked to see Kai standing in front of my door.

      “No one’s home, I think nightmares will come tonight.” Kai exclaimed, looking down, “Do you mind if I stay here for tonight?”

      Say what?!

      “W-what?” I asked, stuttering.

      “Please Ayaka?” Kai pleaded, “I think I will break down if I stay alone tonight…”

      I unintentionally looked at his bruise and made a heavy sigh. Kai needs someone right now and I know I can be that someone.

      “Fine,”

1 John 4:18 - There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.