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Seoul, South Korea – June 10, 2016

KIM JONGIN | KAI

      It’s a normal day today and I’m on my way to school right now when I received a message from my Soo. I quickly clicked her name because I was excited to message her back.

      “Let’s meet at the gymnasium.”

      I should have felt happy but somehow, my heart beat raised and I felt uneasy. It feels like something’s wrong, the way she texts is somewhat off. Nevertheless, I obeyed her and went to the gymnasium as soon as I arrived at school. I was excited to see her again and start my day with her. As I walk down the halls, girls and boys alike were staring at me as if I grew two heads.

      “Isn’t she cheating?” I heard one of the girls asked.

      “Cheat?” the other girl scoffed, “Isn’t it Kai who cheated first? He’s already with Lee Jiyeon, right? Why bother telling him? Besides, I think Sooyeon and Minho are better together.”

      Sooyeon… Minho? My ears rand and suddenly, I felt jealousy creeping into my veins.

      “Are you talking about Sooyeon?” I asked, staring coldly at them.

      “K-kai…” they both stuttered.

      “Where are they?” I asked, trying to calm myself.

      “W-who? We don't—” the girl didn’t finish what she was about to say when I cut her off, "Where the heck are they?!" I roared.

      I can't... I can't calm myself anymore because I think something is happening behind my back but I don't know what the it is!

      “They’re at t-the gym—“ I didn’t wait for them to finish anymore and immediately ran to the gymnasium.

      I was astounded when I entered the gym. I didn’t think that it would hurt like this.

      “What the are you doing?!” I shouted.

      Sooyeon and Minho looked at me but still, they didn’t part from each other. It hurts so bad to see them together but to see them hugging?! ! I quickly went to their side and pulled Sooyeon away from Minho.

      “Are you trying to steal Sooyeon?!” I shouted at Minho.

      I wanted to punch him so badly but I can’t because I know Sooyeon doesn’t want that.

      “I’m not trying to steal anyone.” He answered back but I was shocked when he pulled Sooyeon away from me.

      What the is he doing?! I was surprised at the guts he had from pulling Sooyeon away from me. Does he really want to die?!

      “Let go,” I commanded.

      I was holding Sooyeon’s hand firmly while that Minho-bastard was holding the other hand of MY girlfriend. One by one, students came to watch but I don’t care anymore.

      “I don’t want to leave her with you anymore.” He stated.

      Say what? He doesn’t want to leave her anymore? What does he think he is?! I am Sooyeon boyfriend! I was shocked when Sooyeon yanked her hand away from me and she hid at Minho’s back, as if I’m going to hurt her.

      “S-sooyeon…” I called.

      “G-go away Kai… please…” she whispered but it was enough for me to hear.

      Those words were a mere whisper but it repeated at the back of my head like a sick tape. Go… away? She’s asking me to go away?

      “W-why?” I asked. “I didn’t do anything, right? We’re happy yesterday!” I sapt out.

      Suddenly, I felt that agonizing pain in my chest. It seems like I can’t breathe and I just want to die in that very spot. Thinking about Sooyeon like this just makes me want to die and disappear.

      “We were!” she shouted, “That’s in the past Kai. I… I love…”

      I looked at her and her tears started to touch the face of the Earth.

      “I love Minho.” She whispered.

      ing bull! Those three words stabbed me like a knife and it ing hurts. I immediately grabbed Minho’s collar and punched him in the face.

      “Kai!” Sooyeon shouted, surprised.

      “ YOU!” I shouted as I punch Minho one more time.

      him! him for stealing my Sooyeon. Everything just hurts right now.

      “Shut up dickhead!” Minho shouted.

      And he has the guts to shout at me?! He’s really thick-faced!

      “Sooyeon doesn’t want you anymore!” he added.

      What?! I was about to punch him again when Sooyeon blocked the way. I was surprised… why is Sooyeon acting like this?

      “Can’t you understand?! I don’t like you! I’m tired of you!” she shouted.

      Her words hurts like a shot of a gun and it also felt like someone crushed my heart into million pieces but still, I managed to smile. M-maybe… maybe this is about my father again. Maybe dad is threatening her again! Yeah that’s right! That’s probably the reason why she’s acting like this!

      “Sooyeon, stop it!” I exclaimed, “If this is about dad, I can deal with him! Tell me honestly Park Sooyeon, is my dad threatening you? Plea—“ Sooyeon cut me off and cried, “This is not about your father Kai!” she muttered as she sniffed and cried.

      If this is not about dad, then what?! I’m sure Sooyeon will not act like this if it’s just nothing! I’m sure there’s a reason!

      “This is about us.” She muttered.

      I was about to go to her place and hold her hand when she decided to end all our connection.

      “Let’s break up,”

      I don’t know what to feel, suddenly, I felt hot tears started to stream down my cheeks.

      “You’re k-kidding, right?” I asked as I cry silently.

      ! ! ! Wake me up from this horrible dream, please! Someone please!

      “No Kai,” she exclaimed. She just called me in my name and not in our pet name. She didn’t call me Love anymore. “Let’s end this.” She answered and pulled Minho away from the crowd and left me there.

      So… this is the end? I looked at her as she left, her back was facing me and every step that she takes feels like a bullet shooting in my heart. The moment that she disappeared from my sight and that was when everything sunk in my mind. We are over, everything’s over.

      “Let’s be together forever, Soo.” “We will.”

      I remembered her words from yesterday and I couldn’t feel anything but bitterness. Forever? Damn that bull! I quickly left the gymnasium, leaving the crowd. I don’t know where I’m going but I just realized that my feet dragged me to the rooftop. This is the very place where Sooyeon and I would hide, our safe haven. I stared at the floor blankly and tried to process everything that is happening. How can she… she told me… she told me she loves me. She told me that we’ll be together, forever. But… what the is this?! I faced the wall and punched it thinking that it is Minho in front of me.

      “ YOU! ALL OF YOU!” I shouted as I continue to punch the wall, not caring even if my hand was bleeding. I can’t even feel the pain anymore, maybe I grew numb, “I DON’T ING CARE IF YOU LEAVE ME!” I shouted.

      I cried and collapsed on the floor. I cried, I shouted and I cursed but the pain doesn’t go away. I feel like dying right now.

      “Soo…” I called her, hoping that she would appear and console me. I was crying there, hoping that Sooyeon would come rushing to me and hug me tight and tell me that she loves me.

      Is this the end?

      “ love!” I shouted.

      I don’t want to trust anymore because the one and only girl I trusted have betrayed me.

      “ love? No, the person who made you think like that.” I lifted my head up and saw Ayaka standing in front of me.

      She sat down with a bright smile in her face and stared at me.

      “Kai,” she called.

      She didn’t say anything besides from my name but it felt like she already told me lots of things that I couldn’t hear but can feel.

      “She left me.” I blurted out.

      It feels like I’m a little child crying and telling her mom the problem. I felt comfortable telling everything to Ayaka. All the feelings that I was holding in finally came out.

      “ them! Choi Minho! I will surely kill him!” I shouted.

      Ayaka held my hands and hugged me tight, “Ssh…” she cooed, “Forget about them… for now.” Ayaka muttered while caressing my back.

      “She left me… Everyone left me.” I exclaimed but I was shocked when she told me some words I didn’t expect to hear from her, “Everyone will come and go. Everyone will leave, everyone does because that is how life goes but always remember that when someone leaves, someone will come.”

      After that, Ayaka brought me to the clinic and asked the nurse to clean the wound on my fist.

      “Ah! Aaw!” I exclaimed as the nurse was dressing my wounds.

      “If you didn’t punch the wall, then you shouldn’t be shouting like a little girl right now.” Ayaka muttered, rolling her eyes heavenwards.

      “Shut up you little dimwit.” I scoffed.

      “If that’s how you’re thanking me for comforting you, well, you’re welcome.” She exclaimed sarcastically.

       “Yeah, thanks.” I said, embarrassed.

      I wonder why she is always the one seeing me cry. But every time she here, somehow, I feel relieved. I don’t know why but that’s how I feel whenever she’s here.

      “All done,” the nurse smiled.

      After putting bandage on my fist, Ayaka dragged me out of the school.

      “Where are we going?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

      “Let’s have fun!” she cheered.

      “I’m not in the mood, Ayaka.” I muttered.

      “Come on Kai, please!” she pleaded and pouted.

      I chuckled and gave up, “Argh, okay.”

Psalm 34:18 - The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.