Chapter 69
I had slept really badly. My head was full thing various things and my eyes didn't want to stay open. I had to concentrate to not fall sleep. What had happened yesterday evening caught my attention though I tried to avoid thinking about it. I was still confused about what had happened.

"…Daesang?", a voice from far away got noticed by me. I turned my head and looked in sorrowful eyes.
"You're okay? What's on your mind?" My best friend looked at me. Then put one arm around me and forced me to lie on his shoulder. "You seem to be tired and …" he stopped because he couldn't find the right word to explain. "What's on your mind?", Taemin asked again.
We sat on the sofa of the SHINee dorm. His group mates weren't here, they all had schedule.
"I'm always thinking about the same thing and it doesn't want to disappear. It doesn't matter how hard I try." I had closed my eyes.
"And what are you thinking about?"
"About yesterday night. I had met Donghae."
"You did!", Taemin's voice changed from a sorrowful one to a excited one. "But that's nice. I don't get what is bad about that."
I sighed.
"I had a nice evening. Really. He had invited me for dinner in an Italian restaurant and we had talked for hours. I enjoyed it really much."
"Wow. That's really cool! I'm happy that you enjoyed it and had such a nice evening. Somehow I'm a bit jealous. I like Donghae hyung. I can imagine that it was an evening full of laughter." By hearing his excited voice I had to think of a young kid getting a new toy. "I still don't get what is wrong about that."
"I slept really badly. I always had to think about the evening." I stopped and thought about how to continue. "When we went home he took my hand and before he left me gave… me a kiss."
Meanwhile I sat in front of Taemin so that I could look at his face, but I didn't. I looked around, on the wall and the furniture and at nothing. Taemin's eyes were sparkling and his lips slowly formed to a smile.
"He kissed you and held your hand!" He was totally excited.
"Well, he kissed me on my forehead. Don't think that he gave a real kiss…"
"But what is the problem now?" His faced changed into a hard-thinking one.
"I don't know! I mean, Heechul always takes my hand when we are together and he loves to give me kisses on my cheeks and I don't have a problem with that. I think I wouldn't even have a problem with that if other Super Junior members or SHINee members or even you would do that but…"
"But?"
"I don't know!" I felt that tears came up but I fought against them. I didn't want to cry. I felt that Taemin was looking at me while I hide my face with my hands. He put again his arms around me and stayed like this. He didn't make a single move.
"Do you love him?", he suddenly asked.
"What?", I was totally surprised and looked up directly at his face.
"Do you love him?", Taemin repeated his question.
"What kind of question is that? Of course I love him, like I love you and Heechul and all the others."
"I mean real love." I was completely confused.
"What… I…" A grin appeared on his face together with excitement.
"No", I said. His face changed. He looked closely at me.
"You are sure?"
"Yes", I said and avoided looking at him. "I mean, he is nine years older than me and…"
"And…?  I think that doesn't matter."
"Look. I two months I will be in Germany. Germany is at the other side of the world!"
"But you love him."
"I didn't say that!" Taemin started grinning and I felt that I blushed.
"Oh, c'mon! I would be perfect seeing you two together!"
"No." Taemin sighed.
"Besides I don't know if he loves me. And I'm not really sure if I love him…"
"Oh man! Don't try to tell me that you don#t love him."
"I don't know and that's the truth. I've never been in love. I don't know what it feels like!"
"Then explain me why you always think about that."
"Because I am confused."
And that was the absolute truth.