Waiting for you was the easiest and most familiar thing to do.

Arriving at our favorite place in the park, I sat on a bench and waited for her, as always, with bated breath.

I liked to arrive long before the appointed time, because this time belonged only to me and my unvoiced feelings. So, I could imagine that she was rushing to meet me, only me. I imagined us sitting holding hands and chatting about various trifles. She listens about my day. Asking me if I thought about her every second, as she thought about me.

At such moments my heart rejoiced, I smiled, I spoke to your mirage.

- Nayeon-unnie, I'm sorry, I was late today - yes, usually this is how you destroyed my illusion, approached me slowly, sat down next to me and immediately started talking about what was bothering you.

You were never interested in my day, my feelings.

No, because as soon as we met, you immediately saw in me a “vest” into which you could pour out all your worries and sorrows.

I'm afraid that was your friendship with me.

I'm used to it.

And now, I closed my heart, hid my smile, nodded in concentration while you talked about the current day:

- Can you imagine, unnie, he finally paid attention to me for the first time! Can you imagine?! I hinted to him for so many days that I liked him that it dawned on him. And you know, today he invited me to go to a cafe. So, sorry, I can’t stay long, I have to run and get ready.

- It’s okay, I understand everything. Go have fun with your boyfriend.

- A guy? Unnie, do you really believe that we will become a couple?

- Stupid, who can refuse you.

***

Waiting for you is a common thing for me. It was not usual for me not to see you for a long time, not to hear news from you. I couldn’t ask anyone about you, because my emotions are so difficult to hide. Everyone I know immediately understands from the first minute that I feel somehow awkward, and then I worry that my secret will not be revealed.

All our friends are common, but I still can’t tell anyone about my feelings for you. I don’t know where this came from, but for some reason it seems to me that they are much more friendly with you than with me.

I don't get hung up.

I don't really care.

All that matters is my feelings for you.

You wrote me an SMS in our secret chat asking me to meet you in the cafe where we first met and where we started visiting regularly after studying.

She asked me to wait for you because you might be delayed.

How easy it is to wait for you, to remember the moment when Sana, one of our friends, brought you to me, holding hands, pointed at me with her head, and introduced:

- Nayeon-unnie is Mina, she is looking for a tutor in...

Just looking into your eyes and hearing your voice, I realized that my heart will now always be occupied by you.

What happened next passed as if in a fog, in which I could only see and hear you. I don’t know how I managed to hide my love from Sana’s watchful gaze, it remains a mystery.

“Unnie,” I heard the bell ringing in the cafe, shimmering with your soft voice.

I looked up from the book I was reading while I was waiting, intending to see you alone, but a guy came with you, apparently the one you were talking about then.

Again, you need to put on the mask of a dear friend, speak to him neutrally, smile at him and take his hand for a greeting shake.

- Unnie, meet my boyfriend...

- I'm so glad to finally meet you, Nayeon-ssi. Mina constantly mentions you in conversation.

I feel sick, my head is pounding from a sudden migraine, I want to go out into the air, because I’m suffocating here.

I endure, as usual, squeezing my heart in a vice.

- I’m also glad to meet someone Minari can’t stop talking about, - she was able to say without hesitation, smiling friendly at him.

Her quiet, shy laugh now seems like poison to me.

It’s bad, very bad, I can’t hold back, I urgently need to find an excuse to leave.

Please, something, someone...

The phone call interrupted the pleasantries, Mina picked up the phone, then looked in surprise at the clock on the phone and turned to the guy:

- It is time. Unnie, I'm sorry, but we just stopped by for a minute, next time we all get together, let's get to know each other better.

They left as quickly as they entered the cafe, ruining the atmosphere of the memories.

I don’t think this cafe will remain among my favorite past favorites.

Not anymore.

I left after them, paying and leaving a tip.

On the street I didn’t have enough air, it became hard for me with every step. It seemed to me that all passers-by were looking at me, empathizing with my misfortune.

House.

Safety.

The silence of my home.

I urgently need to leave, return to my safety.

**

Waiting for you, I used to think it was easy, because the severity of feelings then only grew its branches, becoming a big tree with red flowers.

I admit that this night I wasn’t expecting your call, for the first time I wanted not to think about you.

But apparently fate has other plans for me.

Swallowing the bitterness of the secret, I answered your late call, assuring you that it was not too late. Your voice, I heard tears in it, the tone became even quieter, almost inaudible:

- We had a fight, unnie. And I don't know what to do.

- What's the quarrel? – I asked without curiosity.

- Nonsense, but... why couldn’t he agree with me? I always agreed to his arguments, but now he says that I’m wrong... But I’m right!

- I can’t understand the situation until you tell me what the point is, Mina. Calm down and tell me.

- He gave me a puppy for 1 month of our acquaintance. He, of course, cannot compare with Rei-chan, but he is also cute in his own way. ... never had a pet, and instead of asking me, he looked on the Internet and ...

This is the first time I’ve heard so many words from you, although why should I be surprised, everyone knows how much you love Rei-chan and how much you love spending time with Kuki.

In general, I understood the essence, and, as usual, gave advice.

I had to force myself to say “you need to talk to each other calmly, without shouting, and there must be some compromise involved.”

**

Waiting for you, what a beautiful word, but apparently from today I have to stop waiting for you.

You look so beautiful in this wedding dress that you smoothly walk down the aisle to the altar, where your future husband looks at you.

I absorb your beauty, your tenderness, grace in your movements, your sweet voice answering “yes.”

I wonder if I’m now free to “wait for you”?

Will fate give me another chance for a personal life, where, when I come home, my loved one will greet me?

Will I be able to eclipse your image with other feelings?

**

Pressing you has always been a habitual activity for me.

At any time of the day, I came to where you called and waited.

I thought that I no longer had the right to “wait for you,” but apparently from above everything is different.

Someone who apparently doesn’t like me decided to prolong my “torment” by appointing me as the godmother of the girl that Mina gave birth to from “him.”

I sat next to him, near the delivery room, waiting for the doctors to tell me who was born. I consoled him, assuring him that Mina was strong and could handle everything.

I waited next to him.

This was the decision of Mina herself, she asked to help her, how could I refuse?

I was waiting for her, worrying inside, praying that everything would be fine with her, and that the child would be born healthy.

When I heard the first cry, I exhaled, smiled, and pushed him forward.

I waited again, alone, squeezing my fingers tightly, biting my lower lip, holding back tears.

Your daughter, how much she looks like you, the same features, the same smile, even a couple of crescent-shaped moles.

- Nayeon-unnie, we decided that we want to see you as godmother for...

Small body in my hands, her curious eyes, toothless smile.

What a blessing.

Again, looking at you, or rather at your copy, I realized, “I will wait for you.”

- I’m glad to meet you, baby, - I whispered, carefully kissing the top of my daughter Mina’s head.

**

I have always been waiting for you, Mina, and now I’m waiting, just not where we usually met, not the places where you invited.

No not today.

Forgive me, let me be selfish at least once.

Let me invite you to the last moment of my life.

Only you.

I only want to see you next to me.

Please.

Come to me.

My strength left me quickly as soon as Mia went to first grade, then on her first date, first crush, first disappointment, first quarrel, first compromise, first leaving home, first love...

It’s too long to list, but in every “first” of Mina’s daughter, I was tirelessly present.

Now, lying in the hospital room, looking at the flowers brought from Mia, I was waiting for you.

My life has always depended on you.

My love does not fade even now, at an advanced age, when I had to breathe through a tube.

Yes, I'm sorry that I'm leaving you too early.

Sorry I'm leaving first.

But, I'm glad that I'll be the first to leave. You, no, you still have to live, you still have to look after your grandchildren.

Mia is still too young for this life.

Mia needs your advice and your love.

I wonder when you'll come?

Will I have time to wait for you this time?

My breathing becomes heavy, my heart beats intermittently.

Please, Mina, I beg you, come soon.

I have to tell you one last thing...

I must confess...

**

“NaYeon-unnie, I’m here,” I hear and feel her warm hand squeezing my limp palm. - Look at me, I’m here, I’ve come. Sorry we had to wait so long.

My eyes have begun to see poorly, but in my mind I draw a silhouette of 50 years ago, when I first saw you.

I weakly squeeze your palm, open my mouth, but only wheezing comes out.

No, please, I must say, at least say now...

- Don't overwork yourself, Nayeon-chan. Take care of your strength - a soft voice, it is getting closer, I feel her breath near my cheek.

With difficulty I open my eyelids, my vision is suddenly so clear, I smile.

You're just as beautiful, Mina, you haven't changed at all.

Everything is like a fog again, I hear only your breathing, I see only you.

The voice is so clear, alive, healthy.

My heart skips a beat in my chest from sweet languor, from unconditional love and devotion to you.

Finally, I can say:

- Waiting for you has always been the right decision for my heart. I love you Mina...