Chorong POV

I gently placed the flower on the ground, and then sat down.

“it’s been one year since the accident. A year since you left this world.” I said feeling the tears threatening to fall already.

“I still blame myself, you know? If I didn’t want to go out then the both of us would have stayed home and everything would have been fine.”

I continued talking to the grave. Telling him everything that had happened in the past one year.

Flashback

“let’s go out! I’m bored.” I said whinning into the phone.

“but I’m so lazy.” Changsub said.

“come on, it’ll be fun!”

“don’t you have other friends?”

“they’re all busy and it’s more fun hanging out with you!”

“what do you want to do?”

“let’s go watch a movie!”

“alright fine, I’ll be there in 10 minutes.” Chansub sighed then hung up.

I happily cheered to myself and started getting ready. Changsub and I have been friends since as long as I can remember. People always assume that we like each other or we’re together, but we’re not. We’re just really good friends. I see him as a brother, and he sees me as a sister.

When I finished getting ready, I saw my phone getting a text from Changsub, saying that he’s here. I happily skipped to his car and sat in the passenger seat.

“the things I do for you.” He muttered to himself.

“you’re the best!” I said pinching his cheeks.

“you’re paying for the movies, right?”

“okay fine, since you’re driving.” I said.

Then we drove to the mall and went to the movie theater there. We bought a ticket for a scary movie. Changsub was against it because he’s easily scared, but again due to my persuasion he agreed.

Halfway through the movie I can see Changsub whimpering, while I laughed at him. When he heard me laugh he shot me a glared and took the popcorn away from me. When the movie ended Changsub immediately grabbed my hand and we left the theater.

“ahh thank god for light.” Changsub said, “if I have nightmares tonight you’re going down with me.”

“sure sure.” I said laughing.

“so now what?”

“let’s go eat, remember that place in SGV, let’s go there!”

Changsub nodded his head and then we went into the car. Changsub started driving and off we went. We entered the freeway, and I played on my phone as the car ride continued on.

Then the next thing that happened became a blur. I felt Changsub’s hand come in front of me, protecting me from what’s about to come. I looked up and in a blink of an eye we crashed into a wall. The airbags came out, but it didn’t come out fast enough. I banged my head onto the window and felt pain everywhere. I looked over to the driver’s side and saw Changsub unconscious. Then my vision started to blur out and then black.

“please wake up soon Chorong unnie.” I heard a familiar voice said.

I kept hearing that voice over and over, I want to go close to it and find out who’s voice it is, but somehow I couldn’t.

After trying so hard to open my eyes, I finally successfully did.

“unnie?! You’re awake?!” I heard the voice called out.

Then I see nurses and doctors coming to my side and examining me. What’s going on? Why am I in the hospital? What happened? I tried to think of the last thing I remember, the sight of the wall coming closer appeared in my head. I was in a car accident. Changsub was with me, how is he? Where is her?

“unnie?” I finally recognized the voice, it was my little sister.

“H-Hayoungie?” I said barely getting the words out.

“yes it’s me, unnie. How are you feeling?!” she grabbed my hand and held it tightly.

“c-can you get me some w-water?” I said slowly getting up.

“d-don’t get up unnie, you need to continue laying down.” Hayoung started tearing up.

“w-what happened?”

“you were in a car accident and you’ve been out for a week.” Hayoung held the glass to my mouth and helped me drank it.

Water never felt so good.

“a week?! H-how? What about C-Changsub?”

“unnie, don’t talk so much. You’re still weak and need to rest.”

“I’ve been sleeping for a week…I’m fine.”

I looked around the room and saw balloons and flowers everywhere.

“I’ve really been out for a week?” I asked, it felt just like yesterday though.

Hayoung nodded her head trying to hold back her tears.

“I’m sorry, I must have worried you a lot.” I said giving her a sad smile.

“I’m just glad you’re finally awake.” Hayoung said giving my hand a squeeze.

“what happened to Changsub, Hayoung-ah?”

“the doctors told me that it’s not time yet.”

“please tell me.”

“I can’t…”

“Hayoung-ah, please.”

Hayoung sighed, “he didn’t make it…”

Boom. I felt my whole world crashing down. He didn’t make it?! Why?! Why didn’t he make it? Then why did I make it?

“w-when?”

“the day of the accident…”

“h-how? W-why?”

“he was hurting too much. There were cuts and injuries everywer. The doctors said he wouldn’t make it. They pulled the plugs on him at 7 p.m. that day. I’m so sorry unnie.”

I didn’t know how to respond, so we sat in silence and just stared into space. Hayoung kept looking at me with sad eyes, while I tried to process the information that I just received. Why did I live and he didn’t? He should have been the one that lived, not me. This is all my fault.

End of Flashback

“I’m so sorry, Changsub-ah. If I didn’t want to go out that day then you would still be here. Everyone misses you a lot…the first week after you left was so hard. I wanted to die just so it would be fair.”

“I was on suicide watch. Then one day your mom came to me. She told me how you would be disappointed me in for being like this, which was true. If you saw how I was acting you’d scold me. Your mom told me that it wasn’t my fault that things happen, but I couldn't believe that. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for living. It should be you who’s alive right now.”

I was crying really hard by this point. I told myself not to, but here I am crying.

“I don’t think I’m ready to be positive about this whole thing yet.” I said then started getting up.

I looked back at the grave, “I’m so sorry.”

I started walking out of the cemetery, when I felt an arm grabbed me. I started panicking and feeling scared. I turned around to see a girl about my age or so holding onto me.

“can I help you?” I said wiping away my tears.

“I don’t mean to sound rude, but I was visiting a grave nearby and I heard you talking. You should never be sorry about living.” She said.

Normally I would be cursing out this person, but my emotion was all over the place.

“okay.” I said then I started walking away, but the girl stopped me again.

“I’m Bomi, nice to meet you.” She said giving me a small smile.

“and I’m leaving, goodbye.” I said walking away.

I started walking faster to my car afraid that the girl would stop me again. When I got into my car I drove to a nearby café and went in.