Yoochun’s POV

I invited some celebrity and non-celebrity friends for a men’s night out. Yesterday was the release of Jaejoong hyung’s solo album and it already ranked no. 1 overseas. Local fans also show their support with the great amount of albums sold here in Korea so far. Jaejoong hyung might have suffered these past months but he really worked hard and now things are getting better for him.

Our group is the best. The table is filled with laughter. You’ll definitely get a hilarious night if you put Hyun Joong, T.O.P, and Jaejoong hyung together in one room. Not to mention, our Junsu is also here.

I stand and excuse myself.

            “Where are you going?” T.O.P asks.

            “Restroom.”

After doing my business inside the restroom, I didn’t go back inside right away. I stand on a dark corner and lit a cigarette. I was laughing and so giddy inside as I talk with friends but the truth is I feel so dry inside.

I take a long puff on the cigarette and keep the smoke inside my mouth for a few seconds before releasing them slowly.

A hand takes the cigarette from my mouth and put it into .

            “Look at it this way, what if it’s me whose smoking.....would like it?” Park Ha says while staring me straight in the eyes.

I remember that this is the exact thing she did and said to me that causes me to quit smoking.

My jaw locks together. Why do I keep seeing her in my imagination like this? Am I getting crazy?

I run my fingers through my hair out of frustration.

            “Park Yoochun sshi....”

I see a woman standing in front of me.

            “You don’t know me but I’m a friend of Park Ha.”

            “So you’re a sasaeng...”

That explains why I have a feeling that I’ve seen her face somewhere.

            “Leave now before I call the guards on you.”

            “I’m just going to tell something then I’ll leave quickly.”

Why do sasaengs always feel like we should give them importance?

            “Park Ha ah....She told the reporter about what she knows in order to save me.......I caught in a trouble and the only way to get me out of it is that. It is against her will and principle but she did just to help a friend in debt.”

I stare at her with a blank expression.

            “Unlike what you are thinking, Park Ha is not a sasaeng like me. She never was.......She always wanted to leave peacefully with her own means.  It’s just....she got involved in this mess because of me......She’s reflecting truthfully to what she have done....I know that a sasaeng like me who hasn’t done any good to an idol like you has no right to tell you what to do but still, I hope you can forgive her and give her another chance...please Park Yoochun sshi..” she bows a bit in front of me.

What’s this? Does she expect that I’d be happy with all the things she just told me?

            “She shattered my trust for her and just because she knows her fault, I’d have to overlook that? Do you think it is that easy?” I say to her in a cold tone.

She only looks at me.

            “I was the one who was hurt and now I have to forgive her too? Don’t you think that it’s unfair?” I sarcastically add before turning my back at her and go back inside.

_____________________________________________________________________

I don’t know what comes into me that I logged in at Asianfanfics. She already deactivated her account leaving only a short notice to everyone.

I breathe in harshly and close my laptop. I stand and go out of the room. After taking a can of beer, I go to the veranda.

I drink and stare at the dark sky.

            “Hyung....”

I look back and see my dongsaeng there.

            “Yoohwan....you’re still awake?”

            “I just went out to drink water and then I saw you.”

He goes next to me.

            “You are drinking?” he sees the beer in my hand.

            “It’s because I couldn’t sleep. I will just finish it and sleep. You have a schedule tomorrow so you should go back to your room now.”

He stares at me.

            “What’s wrong? Lately, you seem to be thinking about something...”

            “I’m just tired. It’s nothing really...” I smile at him but he shook his head.

            “I can feel that something is bothering you....Tell me...what is it?”

            “It’s really nothing. I’m fine...”

            “It’s a woman, right?”

I’m surprised. Yoohwan has a sharp sense.

            “You think I won’t notice that you are dating? Tell me, you had a fight with her?”

I didn’t answer and drink some beer instead.

            “Eyyy...hyung. You can tell me....We also hadn’t talked much these days because we’re both busy. C’mon...spill it out...you can trust me.”

He’s really persistent so in the end, I told him.

            “Is that so? So it’s that serious.....” he utters.

            “If she apologized, should I accept it just like that? How unfair....I feel so wronged........I kept asking myself what have I done wrong for her to betray me like this? Why do I have to be the one who has to bear the burden of this whole thing?..........And to top of that, she doesn’t even try explaining....I mean....if she didn’t intend to do that in the first place, then why couldn’t she show up in front of me and explain herself?” I close my hand into a tight fist because of anger that starting to rise up in my chest. 

            “But still you miss her, don’t you?”

I stare at Yoohwan.

            “You feel frustrated, sad, and betrayed but deep inside, you long for her....You want her to come after you........”

            “No. I feel nothing but anger towards her now.”

            “You are just denying it to yourself hyung....But where that denial brings you? You’ll only store frustration in your heart and make yourself unable to breathe. It is clear to me that you are like this because she really means a lot to you. I don’t know her personality and I cannot tell you why she’s not giving any explanation but if you really love her, why not try putting your pride aside for a bit and reach out to her? I know that it’s hard to up your anger and forgive the person but you should also ask yourself, ‘which one could I live with, give it another shot with her and to try to move on from it or lose her forever?’ It won’t make you any less of a man if you would take her back....it will only show how brave you are in facing pain caused by love.” He says.

I’m taken aback with his words. I didn’t know that Yoohwan has this kind of side in him. It’s like he’s the older brother at this moment.

            “I surprised you, right?” he asks with a smile.

I nod.

            “You might think of me as young boy but I’m already 22. I’m already a man...I’m on my way to maturity...” he brags.

I always think that since dad is no longer here, mom and Yoohwan has only me to lean on but now, I just realized how strong my younger brother is and that I can somehow depend on him too.

            “Where did you get those lines?” I ask him.

            “Is it obvious that I got them from a script?” he jokes.

            “You...really...”

I grab him and give him a headlock.

            “Ahh!!!.....just kidding....but some of them really came from me....” he says.

            “Are you really advising me or you are just using me to rehearse your lines?” I say and let go of him.

He combs his messed hair and smile.

            “Both....kekeke...” he chuckles. “But once you two got back together, don’t forget to thank me and introduce her to mom and me okay?”

            “Let’s sleep now alright?” I go back inside the house and head towards my room.

            “Goodnight hyung.” He smiles.

            “Goodnight.”

Yoohwan enters his room which is next to mine. I smile to myself....I must admit, he has a point.

_____________________________________________________________________

Park Ha’s POV

            “You guys! W-hat are you doing here?” I’m really surprise to see them as I open the door.

Baekhyun puts up the paper bag in his hand.

            “We decided to visit you after work noona.” Myungsoo says while taking off his hood.

 The three enters the house.

            “Whaaa…..so this is Park Ha noona’s house….” Baekhyun utters while his eyes wonder around.

            “Even the air feels nice here...Our house stinks…” Myungsoo comments.

They put down their bags on the couch.

            “When are you going back? We all miss you there noona.” Lee Joon says.

            “Ah? Uhm…I’ll be reporting to work in two days.”

            “So how’s your vacation on the country side, Park Ha noona?”

I gave a short notice at work about an emergency back in my hometown because I don’t want them to know that I was hospitalized.

            “I had a great time.” I answer.

            “Noona, let’s drink some beer.” Baekhyun suggests.

            “But I don’t have a beer here…”

            “Don’t worry…we’ll grab some at the convenience store.” Myungsoo heads to the door with Baekhyun.

            “Uhm, the convenient store is----”

            “We already saw one on our way here.” Baekhyun replies.

And the two disappears immediately.

            “Noona, can you lend me a plate?” Lee Joon says.

I go to the kitchen and get one. I watch him as he brings out some foods from the paper plate.

            “We cooked it at the resto before going here…”

I nod. The food smells great and my stomach crumbles a bit.

            “That smells yummy….Thank you for coming Joonie…”

I treat them as my younger brothers so I’m really touched that they visit me today.

            “We come to make sure that you’ll be back soon. Our kitchen is not the same without the princess.” He jokes.

I smile.

            “Are you living here all by yourself?” he asks after.

            “No. I have a housemate but she’s doing a grave yard shift at work right now.”

Lee Joon smiles.

            “Is she single?” he asks.

            “This guy! She’s the same age as me…”

            “I don’t care if she’s a noona as long as she’s my type…Recently, I’m feeling so alone…”

I shook my head. I’m sure Chae Kyung would date him the moment she meets him….

The doorbell rings.

            “Aren’t they fast?’ I utter and go to the door.

I open it but my eyes widen when I see who’s there.

            “Y-Yoochun…..”

He stares at me for a while.

            “They’re back?” Lee Joon shows up.

Yoochun stares at him. I see on Yoochun’s face that he didn’t like what he saw. 

            “Isn’t he…..” Lee Joon utters while looking at Yoochun.

I cut him off.

            “Joonie……I need to go out for a bit. Wait for Baekhyun and Myungsoo here, I’ll be back right away.”

I didn’t wait for Lee Joon’s response and move.

            “Follow me…” I tell Yoochun.

He quietly follows me to the fire exit.

We both stand there for a few minutes. I decided to break the silence.

            “By the way, I had seen JYJ’s Running Man episode. Congratulations….” I force myself to smile a bit for that but his serious expression didn’t change at all.

            “I didn’t come here for that.”  He says.

The smile fades from my face. God knows how much I miss him. I cry every night because of it.

            “Do what you think is right for the both of us.” I say.

We see each other for the first time after that day.

            “What do you want to happen now?” he asks.

The cold expression in his eyes is already bringing pain in me.

I swallow. I can’t even meet his stares.

            “I don’t have the right to decide on that...so I’ll leave the decision to you.” I answer.

            “Aren’t you going to say anything to me?” he asks.

I glance at his face and look at the ground after.

            “I’m sorry...I’m really sorry...” these are the only words that comes out of my mouth.

He smiles crookedly.

            “For what? For taking advantage of my trust or for playing with my feelings?”

I can’t say a thing and just close my eyes. I’ve been thinking a lot what to tell him once I see him but still, I can’t come up with anything.

            “So tell me what do you want to do? Why must I decide on anything?” His voice becomes loud indicating his anger. “You are the one who messed it up! Why do I have to decide whether I should forgive you or just end this for good? I want to hear what you’re thinking!”

Whatever I say will only come out as an excuse. I hurt him and there’s no word I can say that can change that. I know feeling greedy at this time wouldn’t bring any good. An average girl like me doesn’t deserve to keep him. I did a horrible thing and so I’m willing to face my punishment even if it’s his hatred.

            “You betrayed me and I hate you for that….But I hate myself more because no matter how angry and frustrated I feel right now still, I find myself missing you…..”

His eyes show hints of tears he’s fighting. My heart aches and my vision becomes unclear because of tears.

Yoochun looks at me as if he’s waiting me to say that I don’t want it to be over but I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

Park Ha, let him go----I keep repeating in my head.

I look at him as my tears fall. I shook my head.

He left out a harsh sigh showing his frustration. With his teeth clenched together, he nods carefully.

            “So this is your decision……I understand. From this moment on, we are no longer relevant to each other.” He says after and walks away.

_____________________________________________________________________

Junsu’s POV

I enter the coffee shop. Haewon’s cousin called me and he wants to meet me. I didn’t have a hard time seeing him right away.

            “Hyung….”

            “Kim Junsu sshi…”

I sit across from him.

            “Thank you for sparing me some of your time despite your busy schedule.”

            “Don’t mention it hyung….” I smile.

His voice sounded so serious over the phone so I suddenly get curious on what he wishes to talk to me with.

            “What is it that you want to discuss with me hyung?” I ask.

He sighs before putting down a mail on the table. My eyebrows furrow.

            “This is from New York Conservatory where Haewon studied. I just found out that she was in a middle of an important competition when she returned here in Korea. And this letter is just one of those she kept receiving these last few months. She finally got hired as a ballet teacher in her former school. It is something that she worked hard to get.” He says as if he heard what’s on my mind.

I blink without saying a word. What he’s saying is still unclear to me.

            “I think she’s giving up everything just to stay here in Korea.”

            “W-hat do you mean hyung?”

            “She wrote a reply letter withdrawing from this offer. She doesn’t have a plan of going back to US for her career there and I suspect that it has something to do with your relationship. I already talked to Haewon’s parents and they want me to send her back there since they miss her too. I called you today because I think I don’t have the capacity to convince her to return and comply to the engagements she left hanging.”

I swallow.

            “Haewon worked hard in order to be where she is right now. To be a renowned ballerina is her dram since she was a little girl and so it is something important to her. When she was just starting to learn ballet, there was a time that her feet bleed badly because of dancing. Her parents and I kept telling her to take a break but she kept insisting to continue even if her feet bleed. That’s how passionate she is towards ballet and so I don’t believe that she’d just throw away everything just like that.”

Haewon is not working these days. She told me that she’s on a vacation and I didn’t have a clue that this is what’s happening.

            “She doesn’t have a great future with her career if she’d just stay here in Korea. I personally think that she will miss a wonderful chance if she will let it pass. Before she came here, she has a life there….Her parents, friends, and an awesome career…all of that, she got it there. Junsu sshi, please convince her to return to New York……” he looks at me in the eyes.

I feel how much he cares for her.

            “For your relationship….I know it would be hard since the two of you will be busy and being on different countries won’t help but if you really love each other, the distance won’t stop you to keep what you have.”

Now that I think that Haewon will be in New York while I stay here in Korea…..I’m starting to feel sad. I don’t want us to part.

            “Don’t let Haewon have regrets….Please help me.” He says.

_____________________________________________________________________

[Author's Note]:

Sorry for late update.....I was planning to post it last Wednesday but didn't finish writing because something came up in which I decided to do first. Also, our neighborhood kept having problems with black outs these days.

Comments please. ^-^