Jaejoong’s POV

I’m surprised to find the room empty. The nurse is clearing up the bed.

            “Ms. Nurse, what happened? Where’s Athena?” I ask.

            “You weren’t informed? The patient was discharged just an hour ago.” She answers.

            “But, she was supposed to be discharged next week, right?”

            “Yes but the patient insists to go and rest at home instead. She signed a waiver.”

            “T…thank you.”

I walk out of the hospital with my eyebrows furrowed. She left the hospital without telling me? What’s happening here? I get in my car and drive to her home.

I dial her number but she’s not picking up.

I reach her house and press the doorbell. I stay for a few minutes waiting for her to open the door but nothing happened so I decide to open it myself. I enter the house and feel some movement coming from the kitchen. I see her looking over the open refrigerator.

            “What kind of fridge is this? It’s ing empty…” she utters as she throws away some food containers.

            “What’s happening here?” I rush to her and see the messy floor.

It is stained with broken egg and spilled milk and juice. The food containers and some crackers are there too.

            “I hate that stupid ref!” she says.

            “Are you hungry? I’ll prepare you something to eat…I will just clean this up.”

I grab the kitchen towel and Athena leave the kitchen like nothing happens. I clean the floor and quickly prepare some soup for her.

I go to her room to bring the soup but find her looking at her closet.

            “What are you doing?” I ask.

            “What else but finding something to wear…” she carelessly answers.

            “Are you going somewhere?”

            “I’m going to eat out.”

            “I already made this soup for you. You don’t have to go out…”

She stops and stares at the soup for a minute.

            “I don’t feel like eating anymore.” She closes the closet and goes to the bed.

I put down the soup bowl on the bedside table.

            “You don’t want the soup? Let’s just order a take-out then.”

            “I don’t want to eat anymore. I want to sleep now please leave.” She says and closes her eyes.

What’s this? I see the bottle of her prescribed medicine there…maybe her mood swing is just an after effect of the medication….

I left her and stay in the living room.

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After a few hours, she came out of the room. She sits on the other side of the couch. I’m looking at her but she doesn’t even glance at me. She’s looking blankly at the TV.

            “Athena.” I call her attention.

            “Didn’t I tell you to leave? Why are you still here?” she says as if she’s very tired when she just got out of bed.

            “Why am I still here? Of course I want to talk to you.”

            “I’m tired…I don’t want to talk.”

            “Are you feeling unwell? Should we drive back to the hospital?”

            “Are you deaf? I told you I’m tired….why are you still here? Are you my nanny?!” she yells.

My eyebrows furrow…why is she behaving weirdly? I stand and sit on my feet facing her. I take both her hand.

            “What’s happening? You didn’t even tell me that you left the hospital…why did you do that?” I ask calmly looking up to her.

            “I feel like I’m getting suffocated.” Her eyes are so empty. It feels like I’m seeing her eyes from the first time we met.

            “You don’t want to stay in the hospital because of that?”

She didn’t say anything.

            “Are you okay?”

            “No. I’m not okay…” she shook her head.

I cup her face. She’s sweating cold and her lips are pale making me worry. I was about to open my mouth by she remove my hands off her.

            “Please leave.” She utters.

            “What? I can’t leave you like that. I think you are s—”

            “I want to be alone…just leave…leave.”

            “Okay, I’ll leave after you sleep.”

            “Why do I have to repeat myself? I said I’m tired and want you to leave.” I see annoyance in her face.

I stare at her quietly weighing on the situation. Is she stressed? But there was no indication of that the past few days. She looks restless…what’s happening? She’s fine yesterday…We even play cards last night.

I nod.

            “I think you should take a rest for now…Tomorrow, if you still don’t feel well then we will go back to the hospital.” I say.

I stand and walk towards the door.

_____________________________________________________________________

Athena’s POV

It’s been for a few minutes since we came here in the emergency stairwell to talk but nobody is whispering a word. Jaejoong is just staring at me. I know he’s waiting for an explanation for the way I behave recently. The reason for all of that is to irritate him and slowly put my plan into action.

            “Are you still sick?” he asks. His voice is filled with concern.

            “No.”

I avoid him by not attending to his calls and pretend I’m not home whenever he comes. I even removed his record in the biometrics so he won’t be able to enter my house but as expected, he’ll find me.

            “Tell me, what’s happening?”

I secretly curl my fist tightly. This is the right time...

I’ve been thinking so much on how I’m going to bring up the break up without making it too sad for him

Tell him now.....

I put a straight face.

            “Let’s break up.” The words came out emotionless.

            “What?”

            “I said I want to break up.” I repeated.

I see disbelief and confusion in his eyes.

            “What are you saying?”

I don’t want him to feel bad about himself so I choose to go with ‘crude dump style’. He should not have the hesitation to leave me and go without looking back.

            “I suddenly feel like playing around. It’s getting boring for me.”

            “You are getting bored?”

            “Yes...At first it is very interesting but then I realized it’s as dull as the other. So, let’s part ways nicely and send each other away like cool people.” I fake a smile.

            “Are you trying to be funny?” his face is very serious. “How could you say those kinds of words carelessly as if you just change your mind about buying something?”

            “It’s not you...you’ve been a nice boyfriend to me up to now. It’s just that I can’t do this anymore. I want get my freedom back that’s why I’m doing it.”

            “Freedom? Is that how you think of being with me, caged?” I see how much I made him upset.

I could not say anything but look at him like that.

            “That empty and cold expression in your face... I hate it..”

            “Then don’t make a drama out of it. Let’s break up.”

He nods.

            “Break up, break up...that’s all you kept saying since earlier.”  Anger registers in his face. “To break up, that’s what you want...then do as you like.”

After those words, he left. I swallow hard and fight how I truly feel. I got work waiting for me.

_____________________________________________________________________

I arrive at my home. There’s nothing waiting for me but the dark and silent space. I was about to press the light switch but my feet lose their strength and I fall in the floor.

Suddenly it feels weird like it's so quiet...so boring...sad...I used to be okay with this. I embraced the silence, boredom, and sadness for the past years and being alone is the only safe and peace moment for me but now....I'm not sure anymore.

I feel so dried up and tired inside. I broke up with Jaejoong today. I also never imagined that we’d come to that but it ended up that way.

I shook my head.....no, this isn’t the time to think of my own feelings. Jaejoong had always been there for me....now it is my turn to protect him and I could only do that if I stay away from him. It's not that I don't trust him in handling this but I feel that I'm the one responsible why things are getting wrong for him and he won't set it straight as long as we are together.

Very well.......you chose the same path as your mom.—a sarcastic voice in my head says.

I hate Omma for that but who would have thought that I’ll do the same? I want to laugh to mock myself but I can’t even manage to smile.

I remember clearly how upset he is...how much pain I caused him.

Tears fall like raindrop across my cheeks. Uncontrollable sobs escape my throat.....It’s so painful that I feel like drowning...I can’t breathe.

            “Jaejoong....mianhe....mianhe....mianhe.....”

Sitting in the cold floor, within this dark place, I succumb to the pain.

_____________________________________________________________________

I open my eyes...It’s already dark outside...The idea of a new day no longer has the same appeal to me. I used to feel excited for a new day because I know I`ll see him again. I close my eyes and force to sleep again. I will only get hurt whenever I’m awake and alone so I choose to keep sleeping.

Beep......

The answering machine answers Ms. Go’s call.

            “Athena, how long do you plan on sleeping? It’s been days....even Chairman Ahn is starting to wonder what’s happening. You don’t have to work right away but atleast answer to this....”

I shut my eyes tighter.

            “If you won’t call me back within an hour, I’m going to break into your house and pull you out of that bed. I swear, I’m having that bed remove from your home.....I’m not j-joking...I...I will do that for real!” she threatens before ending the call.

She had always been giving and calm. She never forced me into something I don’t like and that’s the very first attempt from her to talk like an elderly to me. Ms. Go has been my manager for almost nine years now but we never truly had any other time to bond to be close. She efficiently does her work and never questioned me on my decisions. She deserves a better boss but why would she stay with me? What I know is that I’m fair with her pay check....but maybe I should give her an increase?

Get up! How long do you think you can stay in bed? You are the one who broke up with him but why do you act like you are the one who got dumped? A stern and strong voice says in my head.

Am I not allowed to do even this? Can’t I grieve for my love? Another voice says. This time it is a soft and gentle one.

Then who told you to act stupidly and end it with him? You made your bed so lay in it! Now get up before you get your kicked! The first voice shouts.      

I decided to leave the bed since I don’t think I can still push my luck with the sandman.

_____________________________________________________________________

I have nothing to do so I ended up cleaning the entire house. I flipped everything upside down for general cleaning.

As I was cleaning the bathroom sink, I see Jaejoong’s toothbrush next to mine. I take it and throw into the empty bin on the side. I’m going to leave the bathroom but then my feet goes back to the bin to pick up the toothbrush. I rinse it through the running water and place it back to the toothbrush holder.

I heave a sigh. What am I doing?

Pathetic....

Next is that I arrange the magazines on the coffee table. As I’m doing it, the last magazine has Jaejoong’s face as the cover. It is the latest magazine exclusive he did. I open the pages to read it for the first time.

When asked questions about his highly publicized relationship with the award winning actress Athena, the usually ecstatic idol turns serious and lets us see things from his perspective.

            “Athena is the same and different from what you see her on TV. Same in the sense of being straightforward, strong-willed, and independent. She will tell you in your face what she’s really thinking without any pretentions. She knows what she wants and works hardto get it in a fair way. She likes to keep her privacy and that’s the reason she doesn’t speak much about herself but people likes to interpret it the other way around.On the other hand, her negative image doesn’t define who she really is because she’s way different than that. What people see is not even half of the real her. If you really know her, you will discover that she lives a simple life behind the camera. She’s a person who would prefer simple things over the fancy ones. She knows how to enjoy a good laugh at the end of the day. I never heard her whine or complain even though things are really tough...She chooses to face the situation heads on.She may appear taciturn and cold outside but she’s really warm and caring in the inside. I’m not saying all of these just because I’m her boyfriend but because it’s the truth....the truth that the public is not aware of. The more you spend time with her, the morereason you’ll find to like her.

            As for my relationship with her, I understand the interest we are getting from the public but most of the time, it crosses the boundary.This matter traps us to a smaller space which is saddening but we just try to brush it off.The only thing that I can tell people about our relationship is that we are just a common couple like everybody else.”

The singer refused to answer any further questions after that but ended the interview with the three words that describes what he feels for their love as Unexpected, Happy, and Worthy.

Once again, I feel something stabbing my heart.